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Something doesn't add up with the above stories. I have been a Family Physician practicing since 1987 and have been involved in cases where people REALLY needed to be in a nursing home and the hoops the family (and I) had to jump through were numerous. I find it hard to believe a mentally competent person would wind up in a nursing home against their wishes. And YES, be very careful who you assign as your power of attorney!!!
Yes. I agree that there are some things left out of the above examples. I have been given to understand that competency issues are hard to address. Getting control of someone's assets is hard and expensive. I'd like to know more about the examples.
You've all given me something to think about. I have known instances where much was done behind the scenes, "probably" without the knowledge of the elders. They may not have suspected that anything was up, and would never suspect their own children. Yes, I am aware that patients are tested before they are declared incompetent, but we all may have heard of instances where this was worked out privately between the children and the doctors. If not, we should know. Politics doesn't end at retirement.
The process may be more difficult in some states, I'll acknowledge that. It looks as if this may indeed be a case where having a good attorney in advance may be the best move.
I do know that in these two cases I cited, the parents absolutely did not know in advance that anything was up. They trusted their children. The kids did NOT have POA, at least not at the point when the move occurred. Is it possible for a doctor to "test" a patient for competency, without telling the patient?
If you haven't already, keep an eye on the Caregiving forum. You' ll see posts from the 'other side' of such situations.
Never ever under any circumstance sign a power of attorney.
Your advice is not wise. Get legal help before deciding how to proceed. Thank heavens my mom signed a POA early. Thank goodness she trusted us, and we trusted each other.
One of the things I noticed about the declining health of my mom was her poor judgement about things. Later, when we had to take over because she simply could not take care of herself, she signed POA for all three of us. Luckily, as I indicated, we trusted each other. At any rate, having POA, and being designated as the responsible party by SS, was very helpful.
I do think elders who do not have good judgement are fooled by predatory relatives. That's why I think seeing an elder attorney to set up things for when judgement is clouded or health is failing fast, is the best way to go. But when you can't pay the bills because you are severely impaired, you have to someone to take over.
Never ever under any circumstance sign a power of attorney.
I would disagree with that statement. My mother recently passed away at the age of 102. The last 4 years I was her durable power of attorney as her eyesight was gone and she became a bit confused at times. She was very happy to turn the managing of her affairs over to me, as she understood that she really wan't able to properly take care of them.
There are times that an elderly person may need a trusted individual to be their power of attorney.
There's something missing here. My father had Alzheimer's and we had to do this. We had to go to a court hearing and talk to a judge to get it done. My father had to appear in court. It was all out in the open. No way you could ever just do this to someone without their knowledge. Making poor choices/decisions or just being old does not give your children or anyone else the right to just take over your affairs or decide where you live. It doesn't work that way.
And it's easy to prove you are competent. You pretty much just need to know who you are, where you are, the date, and who is President. And be able to string together a couple of coherent sentences. And your lawyer will coach you before the hearing if you are trying to avoid the declaration. There are no essay questions either. As long as you meet the minimum requirements to be judged competent you can leave all your assets to the TV reverend or walk around with tin foil on your head.
It's not easy to do this at all! And it shouldn't be easy.
Who the hell decides what is relevant? I would have failed your father's competency test. I'm almost sixty, I still have all my marbles, and no one has suggested otherwise, but I don't keep up with politics (I don't vote for reasons I can explain on another thread, if anyone's interested), frequently don't know (don't care) who the Prime Minister is (Stephen Harper the last time I heard, and Barack Obama is the President of the U.S. I have no idea who's residing at 10 Downing Street in Britain presently - and I'm Scots - but such is the level of my disinterest in politics).
I just had a look on my computer's 'clock' and it says that it's August the 14th today. I would have said the 12th. I have no social obligations until the end of the month and I flat out don't care what date it is. (In the novel I'm presently writing, it's September 9th, 2042, and I'm well aware of that because that's where my focus is for most of the day.)
DH works night shift part-time when we're not touring, and I know that it's Friday today because we keep the Saturday Sabbath (in spirit - not legalistically), but I myself work 12 - 14 hours a day while DH does, so my mind is not on politics, the days of the week, or other trivia that has no relevance to my life at this moment.
DH calls me several times a night when he's working, and I know who he is, where he is, and what he's doing, and whether or not he's overtired by the sound of his voice. I also know who I am, where I am, my SIN# (SS#), phone number, blood type, add infinitum.
I don't think about time in the way most people do and I've never worn a watch in my life. If I need to be somewhere, I'll set an alarm on my cell phone. The only time I'm keenly aware of the date, days of the week, and time of day is when we're on tour. I don't hold a 9 - 5 job (not that I haven't in my younger years), but it's hardly an effort to remember when the next concert I'm giving starts, or the next motivational talk I'm scheduled to give begins.
My point is, unless we're asking something prosaic like what season we're in, who are we to determine what's important to anyone else? (Maybe they live in Hawai'i and couldn't care less what season it is either, so what?)
We don't all march to the beat of the same drum - thank God!
Who the hell decides what is relevant? I would have failed your father's competency test. I'm almost sixty, I still have all my marbles, and no one has suggested otherwise, but I don't keep up with politics (I don't vote for reasons I can explain on another thread, if anyone's interested), frequently don't know (don't care) who the Prime Minister is (Stephen Harper the last time I heard, and Barack Obama is the President of the U.S. I have no idea who's residing at 10 Downing Street in Britain presently - and I'm Scots - but such is the level of my disinterest in politics).
I just had a look on my computer's 'clock' and it says that it's August the 14th today. I would have said the 12th. I have no social obligations until the end of the month and I flat out don't care what date it is. (In the novel I'm presently writing, it's September 9th, 2042, and I'm well aware of that because that's where my focus is for most of the day.)
DH works night shift part-time when we're not touring, and I know that it's Friday today because we keep the Saturday Sabbath (in spirit - not legalistically), but I myself work 12 - 14 hours a day while DH does, so my mind is not on politics, the days of the week, or other trivia that has no relevance to my life at this moment.
DH calls me several times a night when he's working, and I know who he is, where he is, and what he's doing, and whether or not he's overtired by the sound of his voice. I also know who I am, where I am, my SIN# (SS#), phone number, blood type, add infinitum.
I don't think about time in the way most people do and I've never worn a watch in my life. If I need to be somewhere, I'll set an alarm on my cell phone. The only time I'm keenly aware of the date, days of the week, and time of day is when we're on tour. I don't hold a 9 - 5 job (not that I haven't in my younger years), but it's hardly an effort to remember when the next concert I'm giving starts, or the next motivational talk I'm scheduled to give begins.
My point is, unless we're asking something prosaic like what season we're in, who are we to determine what's important to anyone else? (Maybe they live in Hawai'i and couldn't care less what season it is either, so what?)
We don't all march to the beat of the same drum - thank God!
Mahrie.
Another part of the memory test is counting backwards by 7s.
I said to my father's doctor, "There's no way I could do that without a calculator even when I was 20!"
He told me he didn't care how a patient arrived at the answers to any of the questions. If they pull out a calculator or a cell phone, or use their smartphone to find the answer, if the answers are correct, they'll pass.
"Worst enemies" seems to be very extreme. In the majority of cases I wouldn't see this as being true. But at times children may be be seen as the "enemy" as they want to make a decision that doesn't fit the parents' frame of reference.
At age 89 my mother deteriorated very fast both physically and mentally. She vacillated between at times being completely lucid and at other times being completely irrational. My sister and I agreed that it was in her best interest to move to assisted living and she eventually agreed.
However at times she resented the move and blamed us (the enemy) for the decision. She has now deteriorated so much that it was obviously the correct decision.
Although there is one "worst enemy" scenario that may occur ... when there are perverse, greedy children waiting like vultures for a rich parent to die!
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