Did your spouse retiree earlier than you? Were you angry or bitter?

[WVREDLEG]

My wife and I were born eight days apart. I am retired. She will work at least 3-5 more years. I goof off quite a bit, but typically in between taking care of the household and cooking her dinner 7 nights a week.

I bring in more money retired than she does working. This fact does not change the significance of my role as the retired person--stuff must get done, and I am obligated to see to it. I would never use my retirement income as a counter-argument to running the household. I love being married to her, and I will do anything to make her days easier, more comfortable, or hopefully, both.

With that said, I would not take kindly if I were lectured or reminded of some list of tasks as a condition of retirement. Love, not a transactional facsimile of it, inspires my actions and tempers her tolerance of my weaknesses in retirement life.

The sooner you discover the selfless and sacrificial components of love, the sooner you can forget bitterness, jealousy, and scoring each other's performance. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to peel some potatoes and iron her blouses for work

[mlb]

Originally Posted by WVREDLEG

The sooner you discover the selfless and sacrificial components of love, the sooner you can forget bitterness, jealousy, and scoring each other's performance. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to peel some potatoes and iron her blouses for work

This is excellent.

For years my spouse floundered in the job market here - did well at first then companies figured out a way to not pay him (commissioned sales and not paying mileage) that was the final nail in his desire to work in electronics sales.

It was agonizing for him how poorly his employers got away treating him and everyone else.

I was steadfast in my work. Still Am.

Made it clear to him that neither of us is defined by our jobs. Which is how it should be.

He is manager of the house and the portfolio.

I'm fine with that.

If, for any reason, either of us would become ill and unable to perform? The other would step up.

There's only two of us.

[BabyBoomers2]

I retired on SS/Early Retirement (age 62) 4 years ago due to being unemployed and having a very difficult time finding another job w/o a college degree and/or certification in the area I had been working in.......Purchasing and Inventory. I guess I was fortunate that the last two companies had me working in Purchasing, as a Purchasing Asst. and Materials Coordinator, w/o having either of those educational things.

My wife is still working a full-time job in the banking industry and would like to continue working until she hits 70 yrs. old in 3 years. She will get more from SS for Late Retirement at age 70.

She doesn't mind at all that I'm now retired, except when I call her and tell her I just woke up from a short nap.

I take care of our apt., which means doing all the laundry, dishes (dishwasher), changing the bed linens, vacuuming, dusting, etc. I also run some errands during the week. The only time, in the last 4 years that she has had to do some of these things was earlier this year after I had a rotator cuff surgery and had to be in a sling for 6 weeks. Now that I'm back doing those things, she is one VERY HAPPY wife!

When she does end up retiring, we will be moving out of Florida and, most likely, back to south of Denver, CO. After the move, she will look for a part-time job and I might also.

[BellaDL]

My husband was laid off from his software engineering job when he was 55 (the jobs were shipped to Mexico then later on to India). He spent a year or so searching for a new job with no luck because we did not want to relocate, and we did not think it would be worthwhile to commute 2 hours each way.

He took the transition to teaching program, got a full time teaching job but quit after 6 months. The job was mentally, emotionally and physically brutal. I stayed up with him until midnight every day helping to prepare for the lesson plans and grading homework. At school, he was on his bad ankle ALL day long running between classrooms and the labs getting supplies, equipment for the science labs (lab supplies were shared among teachers in different subjects!). The commute was long (over one hour each way in non-rush hours when there are no accidents). About 1/3 of the kids were 'normal', 1/3 were new immigrants who barely spoke or understood English, 1/3 were kids bused in from the Bronx. He quit after a tiring and challenging day when one of the troublemakers threatened his life.

He has kept himself busy by working as a substitute teacher for the local schools and getting more involved in his photography and videography hobbies. He had produced 2 documentary films and assisted in editing another. We donated all proceeds from the films to our non-profit organizations so in effects he made negative income from these films.

So in a way, he has been semi-retired and has a lot more free time than I do. Were I angry or bitter? Absolutely not. If anything, I really feel bad for him especially during the time he searched in vain for a job and the horrible 6-months full-time science teacher period.

For years, we had a kind of division of labor with my husband took care of breakfast, packed lunches and I cooked dinner. I did the laundry and clean houses (kitchen, bathroom, tidying up). He put away the clothes and vacuumed the floor. He did the yard work, operated the snow blower and took out the garbage with my help. I helped with raking the leaves and did most of snow shoveling.

Truth be told that I did get annoyed and upset at times in the beginning of his 'retirement' when he did not automatically picked up more household chores or volunteered to come to the kitchen to help me with preparing dinner. I learned that I had to ask him for help or to assign him specific tasks, and should not just 'assumed' then 'fumed'!. I also learned that I had to accept that sometimes it took me more time to in the kitchen with his 'help'. When he makes a salad or help with a dish, I have to put away the remaining ingredients, clean the kitchen counter and wash all assortments of kitchen utensils, bowls, plates etc. I also had to make a 'honey do' list of items needing repairs or taken care of. Most importantly, I had to learn to be patient when things were not done on time or needed repeated reminders.

So now my husband has assumed all the laundry tasks (after ruining few pieces of clothes in the beginning: some woolen pieces shrunk and many white items got assorted tie-dyed hues!). He also takes care with cleaning tasks besides vacuuming. He even tidies up the house (sometimes to my exasperation: I would be buying more kitchen/bathroom supplies then found caches of the same items stored in the most unlikely places).

I still have to yell for his help from the kitchen. Many times, the dog has to come to the computer room nudging his elbow to get his attention away from his video editing tasks. She does the same thing when it comes to dinner time. So now I have two kitchen helpers: my semi-retired husband and the dog ;-)

[Tornado Baby]

My hubby and I have been married 24 years and are 61 and 58 now. He was a commercial airline pilot and I am a social worker. He got laid off six times during the first 20 years of our marriage. It took him years to get into another job after a layoff just to have it end a year or two later when airlines did not want to upgrade or incrementally pay their workers. The commuting around the country to fly came out of our pocket. He finally got laid off for the last time at age 56. At that point he was too old to be hired anywhere. No violations or other negatives on his record. He has now worked at our local airport for four years and has excellent bennies. He can retire with a full 30 in about 6 years. None of his piloting jobs provided bennies or retirement. And, he has never made more than I have as he had to continually start over after being laid off.

As a public agency social worker I maintained steady employment throughout our marriage. When he was flying all over the world, I took care of the homestead, and my job provided bennies for him to include health insurance, and I earned a good retirement. In the years preceding my retirement last year, the culture in my workplace became abusive with bad management and it affected my health. I retired after my office was moved to a location that was so toxic we lost five others as well.

Main point...I am retired now and earning more than I did working as no commuting, wardrobe, lunch, etc. costs. He is working and occasionally accuses me of having too much time, etc. it is better now than it was at the beginning, some 18 months ago. I hit the roof when he commented that there was a dirty spot on one of our kitchen cabinets. He learned the hard way that he should not have done that.

We have no children and our house is paid off and we have no debt. We have our health and travel when we can, and we are financially fine. We are better off than most. But there is still that underlying resentment on his part that I need to be out working. I earned a good retirement with 33 years service. But I keep thinking I should go back to work. My friends say, don't do it, you earned it. I am not bored and take care of our home and pets while he us working. I have no regrets and do some occasional part time private work. But the public agency grind is not an option and it would mess up my retirement if I went back. My health is improved and I have not looked back.

Not asking for any specific advice, but it seems our situation is not commonplace, yet there is some resentment on his part that I am not out pounding like he is. I feel, fair is fair, I worked my 30 plus. He resents that he has been put out of flying and I understand that. I would resent that, too, especially with corporate treatment of pilots. This resentment is subtle, but at times uncomfortable. Just enough to create an edge.

Thanks for listening!

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by Tornado Baby

My hubby and I have been married 24 years and are 61 and 58 now. ...
We have no children and our house is paid off and we have no debt. ... But I keep thinking I should go back to work. My friends say, don't do it, you earned it. ... I feel, fair is fair, I worked my 30 plus. ...

no advice, but you certainly know by now that life is not fair (kids teach you that, real fast.)
Politely listen to your friends but seldom heed their advice. (or find some new friends!)
30 yrs or 80 yrs in the workplace... whatever it takes.

Life is more than yesterday (30+ yrs)

[BabyBoomers2]

Funny, I looked at my wife this morning, as she was getting ready to go to work, and said (kiddingly of course), "I'll go to work for you and you can stay at home and do laundry.......how's that sound?" She looked at me and said, "No way! I've never liked doing laundry and most of the time don't like cooking." We both knew how she would answer. We smiled and laughed about it. However, she does make a terrific potato or apple salad, spaghetti & meatballs, ham & cheese omelet, pancakes, French toast and sloppy joes. Sometimes after doing some cooking, she will leave the kitchen a little messed up, but "Mrs. Doubtfire" to the rescue with cleaning it up (lol).

[fwtxcitywoman]

I am not bitter or jealous that my husband retired a few years ago. I like going to work and will work for at least another year, I'm 59.

I do get annoyed when he uses something up and doesn't replace it - he can easily go to the store, etc.

I have no big complaints and I like to see him enjoying his freedom.

And he cooks dinner