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My friends are sweet people, hard as it for some people to believe they do exist in this world. They didn't come over to complain to me. I could see and hear it all, we are close, just next door. I spoke to them when the company left for the beach one morning and left them with a mess to clean up. Ann's eye's were filled with tears as we talked and she just kept saying they are family, I can't turn them away. My fear was with their health problems....this could prove to be too much for them.
The reason I'm responding to your comment is because you can't assume to know what kind of person she and her husband are when you don't know them. They have more kindness, compassion in their little finger than most people have in their entire body. Do I worry about her talking behind my back? NO, I don't. Are they victims? Certainly they are and you could say it is their own fault because they were too sweet and kind to turn those people away. The world could use more people like my friends!
Ann actually showed me the letter she is mailing. She explained in that letter that it's just too much for them to have company at this stage of their lives due to health problems. My friend is a dying breed, a truly kind, pure soul.
Hi OldFolks - noticed that you are in Harlingen. Just got back from south padre. Loved it and think about spending more time there. Have too many pets right now to make that happen.
Fortunately I do not have the problem. To prevent the problem from developing I think you should tell then the names of several hotels that are close by.
Exactly! When I knew family was coming to visit I asked if they would like me to provide a list of hotels in the area or if they'd prefer to look online themselves. It worked out as intended.
Your neighbors' situation is sad and frankly, incredible. An unannounced 2 week visit is not a letter, it is a face to face conversation. Meekness, gentleness, and kindness are admirable and beautiful character traits in your friend, but cannot be used as defense of the enabling behavior.
It is a difficult conversation, but it needs to happen. Since it is too late for a face to face, a phone call should be the next option, not a letter. A letter is just prolonging the anxiety. Although cathartic, it is inanimate, slow and who knows when the intruders will reply, if at all?
A call: "Bill, we are no longer boarding your family if you vacation here. Give us a call when you are in town and we can meet for lunch."
The response could be painful, but at least it is instantaneous. I think waiting on a reply or holding on to the hope that a letter is interpreted or even read is asking for an ulcer. Imagine a year from now, when they show up at the door and say, "what letter?" Even a signature receipt doesn't mean a letter was actually read, just received.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,336,915 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Folks
My friends are sweet people, hard as it for some people to believe they do exist in this world. They didn't come over to complain to me. I could see and hear it all, we are close, just next door. I spoke to them when the company left for the beach one morning and left them with a mess to clean up. Ann's eye's were filled with tears as we talked and she just kept saying they are family, I can't turn them away. My fear was with their health problems....this could prove to be too much for them.
The reason I'm responding to your comment is because you can't assume to know what kind of person she and her husband are when you don't know them. They have more kindness, compassion in their little finger than most people have in their entire body. Do I worry about her talking behind my back? NO, I don't. Are they victims? Certainly they are and you could say it is their own fault because they were too sweet and kind to turn those people away. The world could use more people like my friends!
Ann actually showed me the letter she is mailing. She explained in that letter that it's just too much for them to have company at this stage of their lives due to health problems. My friend is a dying breed, a truly kind, pure soul.
The world could use a few more truly kind people in this world. I think what your friend did is fine. If the letter doesn't work, won't know till a response is given or the next year fiasco happens again, then they will have to try another way.
I do hope you helped her clean up the mess (my gut tells me you either helped or she said she is getting it). I feel you are a kind soul also.
Please keep us posted on what the response is to the letter!
Thank You for being such a good friend to, what sounds like, a very lovely woman.
I find it so hard to understand anyone who would take advantage of people who are kind enough to host them. On the rare occasion that I do visit or stay in someone's home, I always make absolutely sure that I'm not being a pest, that we bring food and/or necessary items, we clean up after ourselves, and offer to take our host and hostess out for good meals. I'm told that I go too far in being considerate of the host and hostess, which I think is the right thing to do. I do understand, though, that if you agree to host or treat someone of limited means, things will be different. One must consider their effect on others, and never feel entitled.
I had a bitchy old uncle, and his brother came to stay with him and threw out all the food in the apartment because it wasn't "fresh"! I laughed!! Meanwhile, the other uncle was dirt poor and never gave anything to anyone, and just took from anyone who was generous/foolish enough to give. After the bitchy uncle died, the poor uncle blew his inheritance (good car, money, furniture) in a few months, and started accusing other family members of stealing. It's a kind of natural selfishness that has to be seen to be believed.
I can see where this could be a problem. We're retiring next year to a popular destination city. My wife thinks that having visitors would be fun. Me, not so much. I guess it just depends on who it is.
Some people quickly wear out their welcome. Expecting to be housed, fed, and driven all over the place is NOT something I have any interest in doing, and some of the pikers in my family would do just that. They are as cheap as the day is long.
Others, friends mostly, have the common decency to at least not take advantage of your hospitality. I could never impose on someone like that. If I can't afford a hotel, meals, and a car I wouldn't visit to begin with, but some people think nothing of it. We'll find out soon enough.
We nipped this in the bud early. When visiting relatives, we NEVER stay that their houses. When they asked why, we stated "we don't really believe in staying in other's houses; it is just too much of an imposition". As a result, there is lower pressure when visiting others, and they got the point. We don't have to host them either. We ALL have better vacations. For those that don't want to visit us because of this...we don't sit around, saying 'meps, meps' !
I don't even like staying at relatives' houses. One of them is a master at last-minute manipulative tricks designed to force me into doing everything she wants. Sorry, I was a kid a loooooong time ago.
Instead of lying, just be up front and say no more. I don't get offering advice that encourages you to lie. It's time to put their foot down and say no more.
In this particular situation - the lady doesn't seem to be able to "put their foot down". Personally, I'd tell them to get the F off my porch and not let them in.
From the OPer:
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My friends are sweet people
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Ann's eye's were filled with tears aswe talked and she just kept saying they are family, I can't turn them away.
Find a local place on AirBNB or a local motel that will pay a commission or finder's fee.
Recommend that place and make a little extra money off it.
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