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Although I agree that uninvited visitors can be a pain, it is a common practice in Europe for travelers to stay in homes instead of a hotel. With the current problems in Europe today, that may have changed, but it seems to be an American behavior to not help travelers.
Does anyone that lives near a beach or other popular vacation spot have a lot of family members come stay each year for a free vacation? A couple of our friends have this problem during the summer months and I feel so sorry for them. It's distant family members that apparently just want a free vacation stay. They aren't invited, they just show up and it varies as to when. This year they were sitting in the screen porch when we all came back from Mexico, we make day trips together to get our prescriptions. The 'company which consist of mom, dad and 4 very unruly children' just left, they were at our neighbors for almost 2 weeks. It really disrupts their schedules and causes them a lot more work and money but they are too kind to say anything. Not to mention they downsized so really don't have the room for 6 extra people. They only have 2 small bedrooms now so there are air mattresses blocking the living room for 2 weeks each summer. I suggested they get one of those signs that says, 'Guest and Fish both stink after 3 days'. I think Ann and Dave's nerves are shot this year because it's extremely noisy and chaotic the entire time they are here.
Does anyone else deal with a situation like this?
They need to practice beforehand, what they will say. They might want to use what a good friend used when she lived in San Diego, and her family lived in Montana:
"You're here in town? Great. Call me when you've gotten all settled in to your hotel". Sound of door slamming.
Just took a few times of this, and the spontaneous visits ended.
At first she felt "rude" acting this way, then upon reflection, realized it was the uninvited guests that were the rude ones.
Does anyone that lives near a beach or other popular vacation spot have a lot of family members come stay each year for a free vacation? A couple of our friends have this problem during the summer months and I feel so sorry for them. It's distant family members that apparently just want a free vacation stay. They aren't invited, they just show up and it varies as to when. This year they were sitting in the screen porch when we all came back from Mexico, we make day trips together to get our prescriptions. The 'company which consist of mom, dad and 4 very unruly children' just left, they were at our neighbors for almost 2 weeks. It really disrupts their schedules and causes them a lot more work and money but they are too kind to say anything. Not to mention they downsized so really don't have the room for 6 extra people. They only have 2 small bedrooms now so there are air mattresses blocking the living room for 2 weeks each summer. I suggested they get one of those signs that says, 'Guest and Fish both stink after 3 days'. I think Ann and Dave's nerves are shot this year because it's extremely noisy and chaotic the entire time they are here.
Does anyone else deal with a situation like this?
Hell, no -- "never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be". Anyone that showed up on my doorstep like that would be offered a drink, maybe dinner, and then a polite inquiry: "And what hotel are you staying in?" "Oh, we hoped to stay with you." "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, this is simply not a good time. Would you like the names of some hotels?"
People only take advantage of you with your permission. Your friends are pushovers. They need to grow a spine, and take in that welcome mat.
I spoke with Ann last night, she is just too kind and sweet and doesn't like 'hurting anyone's feelings'. She said that she and her husband discussed it last night and decided they'll be writing a letter this week to send stating that they will no longer be able to accommodate them for their vacation and would be glad to send them the names and numbers of hotels and restaurants in the area. I think this year was more than she could handle.
I have heard about people being taken advantage of in this way, I can't imagine what they've gone through for the last few years.
Ann is a push-over. That's not sweet and kind. That's too afraid to confront moochers who are making her life a living hell.
Ann's eye's were filled with tears as we talked and she just kept saying they are family, I can't turn them away.
And yet, if she showed up on THEIR doorstep, I guarantee you they would find a way to say no. People like that are takers, not givers. Your friend sounds lovely, but she really needs to learn boundaries.
Here's the "other side of the coin". I have a friend that I have known for 25 years and he has 4 residences. One of these is at a beach town and he goes there every weekend in the summer. He ran into a bit of financial trouble, but as far as I know, nothing like bankruptcy. He still has an excellent annual income. So, I never once expressed any interest in even visiting his beach house for 1 day. Next think I know, a group email (actually a few emails) is sent by him to friends and I think even family. Very curt, just saying here is what I charge per night!! Foolish me, I thought we were friends. And get this, I have never responded to any of them. I have zero intention of staying there. I can't imagine someone who I considered to be a close friend demanding a check when I show up at the door for just 1 night. I have one residence, am practical, and I don't see why I should be asked to help fund his finances. Now it's possible, that some unknown person or persons has been taking advantage of the friendship, but that's not me so please don't insult me by charging me $$.
Although I agree that uninvited visitors can be a pain, it is a common practice in Europe for travelers to stay in homes instead of a hotel. With the current problems in Europe today, that may have changed, but it seems to be an American behavior to not help travelers.
The OP is a very different situation.
I have hosted and stayed with friends from multiple countries many times. In each situation, it was planned in advance.
I have hosted and stayed with friends from multiple countries many times. In each situation, it was planned in advance.
yes, if it is planned and all in agreement, no big deal, but to just show up?
I can see older folks wanting to stay with family. We had a death in the family and we paid for several rooms in a hotel for family. Our dear elderly cousin only stayed one night there and then camped out with other family. She probably wanted to visit and talk late into the night.
Before my first kid was born, we took a Lamaze class and the instructor said to beware of relatives coming to "help" with the baby while enjoying Southern California. Didn't think anything of it, until the baby came and sure enough a posse of my wife's relatives from Missouri arrived right behind her. With tickets for Disneyland. I put my foot down and insisted most of them find a hotel room -- we have a 4-day-old, sorry but we need our sleep, etc.
My wife and I had a blistering fight and apparently she held it against me forever -- or at least until we divorced many years later.
In retrospect, I should have put up with it. Guess that's how it's done in some families.
Yes,
I had a friend that would show up. Expect me to drive an hour to the airport to pick him up, then drive him around as if I don't have a life. Then stay in my spare room with his GF. Luckily last time he was here. His GF got drunk and made him get a hotel and car.
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