Forum for discussion on cemetery rules, cost of vaults, etc. (moving, celebrate)
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Maybe the lack of interest reflects changes in burials. Fifty years ago almost no one was cremated. Now the rate is near 50% and growing rapidly. The last time I remember a discussion on this forum, it seemed virtually everyone was looking at cremation.
I am not only looking at cremation, but plan to donate my body to the nearby medical school. The will handle all the costs and return the ashes to any family members who might want them.
You might want to research that option a bit more carefully. We just went through a huge scandal here in NYC regarding bodies donated to medical schools, but ended up in pauper's graves.
Cremation brings up a question. My brother in law wants to be cremated.
What % of those who choose cremation do so, to avoid the cost of plots, vaults, limousines, markers, etc.?
As we know you can be cremated after the ceremony at the cemetery. The casket put back in the hearse and back to the funeral home for cremation. That would be a high cost burial but it is a way for someone to get all they offer.
My father was cremated, he made that *ahem* demand quite clear during his last time with us; his exact words were "don't let them put me in the ground"....
We had a wake (two days with viewing twice a day), then service from the funeral chapel then onto the church, finally out to the crematorium (which was/is part of a cemetery). The family and guests were asked to leave after a short "grave site" service, but my aunt (Dad's baby sister) remained to watch the cremation. Think one of the staff *tried* to approach her but the look she shot back pretty much put and end to anything he was thinking about saying.
Only thing I recall is mother being told by the funeral home/undertaker that was different about cremation was the choice of coffin.
As for the percentage of deceased choosing (or family members doing so) cremation to bring down funeral costs, IIRC that number is large and growing.
Few people realize just how expensive it is to "die" in this country.
Here in NYC area a single plot can set you back almost 10k, add more if you want a double or larger. Then you have to add on the costs of perpetual care for the grave. Places charge often obscene amounts for the *blanket* that goes down around November and remains through the winter months. Our family like others simply purchases them directly and puts them down ourselves.
On top of the grave costs ( plot, opening grave, closing grave, etc...) you have the funeral director/undertaker costs (collecting the deceased, preparing the body, coffin, viewing, service, hearse, limos for the family, etc...) you can end up spending >10K or even 15K for a simple funeral.
OTOH you can do a simple cremation for often under 5k. Probably less if you go skip any viewing/service and go straight from hospital (or wherever you die) to cremation in a simple wood box.
Finally you have to consider society isn't what it once was, people move around far more than in the past. The children, grandchildren etc.. move away but their parents and older family members are buried in the home town. You would hope out of love and respect a child or someone from the family visits the graves on a regular basis and tends to them, but sadly that often does not happen.
Oh and consider the large and growing number of persons who die "alone"; that is never married, no children, close relations, estranged from family, etc... When such persons are planning their final affairs many probably look at the whole funeral/grave thing and think "why bother?".
You might want to research that option a bit more carefully. We just went through a huge scandal here in NYC regarding bodies donated to medical schools, but ended up in pauper's graves.
Does it matter to you what happens to your remains after you die? It makes absolutely no difference to me.
In ancient Egypt, the pharaohs believed in an afterlife. They wanted to be preserved and buried with their possessions so they could take as much as possible with them. Some people still believe in an afterlife. Few would believe they can take their possessions with them. Few think their bodies will somehow regenerate and they will be walking around in heaven visiting with saints, angels and gods. All of this afterlife stuff is now considered to be some sort of spiritual event that does not include the old body.
Somehow we don't seem to turn loose of the old ideas. A dead body is often painted up and still pickled, well enough to at least last through the viewing and memorial services. Then we place the body in an expensive, hermetically sealed coffin and bury it. I can only imagine what it must look like a few years later....soup and bones.
I'm all for cremation. My mother wanted a traditional religious funeral and burial and the cost was over $10,000. My father will be cremated with no religious service and laid to rest with her. Since he's a veteran, the plot is free. Our religion does not permit cremation, so if you do it, you can't have a church funeral. I don't get it, but that's the way it is.
My brother and I will be cremated and scattered over the lake where we have a summer home.
The cost of traditional funerals is kind of out of control, and we're not a family that goes to visit graveyards, so it doesn't make much sense for us.
I'm not finding any threads that mention cost of plots or burial vaults, etc.
What is the best CD forum or can you recommend a forum to share and hear experiences about:
1. cemetery rules private owned vs. public
2. cost of vaults, plots, refunds, rules on giving away or selling unused plots, etc.
3. sales pressure and scams to take advantage of the grieving family members, etc.
Not finding any threads on it here so I guess there are not many people discussing such things.
(??)
requirements of vaults varies from state to state and even from cemetery to cemetery.
I never heard of requiring a vault when burying an urn in a cemetery.
What would be the purpose of that ?
When my wife died, she was cremated.
We had a wake the night before at Catholic church and funeral sevices the next day .
Burial was in church cemetery immediately after services.
Cost of purchasing 2 full cemetery lots was $225 for parishoners
( I purchased 2, but could have gotten by with one for $150 due to both of us planning on cremation )
Many have different views on burials but this is the way the wife and I wanted it done.
I still visit the grave sites of my many ancestors on Memorial Day weekend.
It is a good history lesson for my grankids who love going with and reading the tombstones.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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We've had lots of discussions, and there are a lot of options, BUT it is state specific as to details. Don't die in Nebraska!, details optional below *
I have used 'Personal Alternatives' mortuary services, (many in USA and Canada), I was very pleased.
But since I am a co-op developer, and a member, recommend funerals.coop. There is a lot of good info and list of affliates on their website. You are a member, not a vulnerable sales call. Seattle Funeral Home | Affordable Burials, Caskets, Cremation & Urns | Mortuary in Seattle, WA
I'm all for DIY funerals / burial. It can be a healing process after years of caregiving and huge personal strife.
*Nebraska saga...Go Bid Red
I got a saturday call from Attorney General when he heard I was enroute to his state with a corpse to do a self burial for my deceased dad. (with a free and legal transit permit). I had to circumnavigate the state, then hire a funeral director to accompany me the shortest route within the state, and watch me use the backhoe, do the ceremony and plant dad. He was friendly and understanding and only took $100 rather than the $3,000 they quoted to fetch dad from airport (30 miles) and plant him.
I stopped in Afton, Wy and got all fitted up with a sealed ABS vault from Polyguard. They are an excellent company /permanent product, and I got a great deal on 'last yr closeout'. Different color Nebraska required all funeral directors to use a concrete Wilton vault. (very expensive, troublesome, and they erode / collapse in 100 years.), since I 'self buried' I was not required to comply, (small town cooperative cemetary.)
We got to go to a lot of dad's favorite places. Yellowstone, Tetons, Bighorns, Devils Tower, Mt Rushmore, Corn Palace
I am all for DIY. My spouse measured the door on the last woodstove I built to make sure I would fit inside.
I will dig my grave and park the dozer in front of the spoils for Quick and ez backfill. Then they can have the auction and sell the dozer too!
Actually, they are free to incinerate me and cast me to the wind.
Btw, be careful how you spread the ashes. Remember the guy that was to spread over a golf course via light plane, but tossed out the entire brass urn, and it crashed through someone's roof
Does it matter to you what happens to your remains after you die? It makes absolutely no difference to me.
In ancient Egypt, the pharaohs believed in an afterlife. They wanted to be preserved and buried with their possessions so they could take as much as possible with them. Some people still believe in an afterlife. Few would believe they can take their possessions with them. Few think their bodies will somehow regenerate and they will be walking around in heaven visiting with saints, angels and gods. All of this afterlife stuff is now considered to be some sort of spiritual event that does not include the old body.
Somehow we don't seem to turn loose of the old ideas. A dead body is often painted up and still pickled, well enough to at least last through the viewing and memorial services. Then we place the body in an expensive, hermetically sealed coffin and bury it. I can only imagine what it must look like a few years later....soup and bones.
(1st paragraph)
Well, it would bother those who are anticipating the ashes of their loved ones would be returned according to the deal that they agreed to with the medical school !
My father was cremated per his wishes, and we chose to have the ashes interred at a local cemetery. It's a beautiful and peaceful location and visiting it provides some comfort and a chance to reflect and remember.
My mother is hopefully a long time away from this but finds some peace in knowing that everything is now taken care of for when the time come.
It was not inexpensive but fortunately my parents had the financial resources that when my dad died, my mom could make the choices she wanted and not have to try to cut costs.
Does it matter to you what happens to your remains after you die? It makes absolutely no difference to me.
In ancient Egypt, the pharaohs believed in an afterlife. They wanted to be preserved and buried with their possessions so they could take as much as possible with them. Some people still believe in an afterlife. Few would believe they can take their possessions with them. Few think their bodies will somehow regenerate and they will be walking around in heaven visiting with saints, angels and gods. All of this afterlife stuff is now considered to be some sort of spiritual event that does not include the old body.
Somehow we don't seem to turn loose of the old ideas. A dead body is often painted up and still pickled, well enough to at least last through the viewing and memorial services. Then we place the body in an expensive, hermetically sealed coffin and bury it. I can only imagine what it must look like a few years later....soup and bones.
(2nd paragraph)
"some people still believe in an afterlife"
"some" ?
I will venture to say " most" people believe in an afterlife. Some are more religious than others., however , hard to believe the vast majority of people on this earth are atheists.
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Nebraska required all funeral directors to use a concrete Wilton vault. (very expensive, troublesome, and they erode / collapse in 100 years.), since I 'self buried' I was not required to comply, (small town cooperative cemetary.) 
