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Oh and consider the large and growing number of persons who die "alone"; that is never married, no children, close relations, estranged from family, etc... When such persons are planning their final affairs many probably look at the whole funeral/grave thing and think "why bother?".
I was on the fence about burial or cremation until this past weekend when my husband's grandmother passed. She had a visitation, full Baptist church service, and graveside ceremony. She was extremely active in her church and had numerous friends and family members attend. It was perfect.... for her.
We don't have any kids, and few relatives in our age range who live close enough to be able to travel for a funeral. I hate funerals--- I am not a very emotional person normally, but I am a sympathetic crier. If I see someone else crying or in pain, I cannot hold back the tears. I find it somewhat embarrassing, truthfully. The second we got in the car to drive the 4 hours back home, I looked at my husband and told him that I do not want a funeral, I do not want to be buried, and that cremating and scattering me (at a TBD site) was the way I wanted to be disposed of.
I always thought it would be nice to take whatever difference in cost it would be between burial and cremation and pay for a trip for a living relative or friend to go somewhere cool and scatter my/our ashes.
You must have a cemetery that does not require a sealed fault for cremated remains. It's money making business unfortunately.
A relative said you can save a bit of money by buying through a funeral home and go around the cemeteries
There are companies who own several cemeteries throughout the country. The one around here has locations. If someone wants to be cremated and buried near others, they have to buy a plot and buy a vault.
You can be cremated if you want but you can not be buried in their cemeteries unless you buy a plot for near $1000 and a vault that may run $2000 or more.
You do not have to buy a marker.
Everything else will be the same. Just an urn in place of a coffin.
[quote=stevej64;44995852]get cremated put your remains in a urn scatter them where you want.This takes the guilt out of family not visiting you at the cemetery
Who doesn't like visiting a spooky old cemetery? Pet cemeteries are too sad. Happy tails to you until we meet again
Nope not for me or my babies. I have their ashes with me in my house. There's a cat, a dog, and a pig. There will be two more dogs and a cat and one of us some day.
The last one standing will keep our ashes and make arrangements for a trusted loved one to scatter us all together. Hopefully in the back yard where one beloved kitty's ashes are and a crazy rooster that lived with us for nine years is buried.
Oh wait a minute. We're planning on putting a small patio where the chicken is buried. Yikes, I hope he doesn't come up for a visit. Doesn't that sometimes happen in old cemeteries? Great great grandma was buried here but now it's a mall.
I guess I'm just too frugal to waste that kind if money on a full funeral. That and the thought of all those nasty toxic chemicals leaching into the earth from decomposing bodies.
I'd rather leave that money behind for someone alive to enjoy instead of spending it on me and an unnecessary box.
Does it matter to you what happens to your remains after you die? It makes absolutely no difference to me.
In ancient Egypt, the pharaohs believed in an afterlife. They wanted to be preserved and buried with their possessions so they could take as much as possible with them. Some people still believe in an afterlife. Few would believe they can take their possessions with them. Few think their bodies will somehow regenerate and they will be walking around in heaven visiting with saints, angels and gods. All of this afterlife stuff is now considered to be some sort of spiritual event that does not include the old body.
Somehow we don't seem to turn loose of the old ideas. A dead body is often painted up and still pickled, well enough to at least last through the viewing and memorial services. Then we place the body in an expensive, hermetically sealed coffin and bury it. I can only imagine what it must look like a few years later....soup and bones.
Well am not the one or rather a family member affected so cannot say.
However the scandal centered around the last wishes of those who were. Their families and others felt the remains had been treated very badly. Those bodies sent to Hart Island could have instead had normal funeral arrangements with burials by the family in a place that can be visited. Once you are buried on Hart Island there is a limited window (if there even is, not sure) to get the remains out for reburial elsewhere. Not only are burials done in mass trenches but the coffins are made from wood. After a period exposed to conditions under ground it may be difficult to get that box out intact if it even is anymore. If there are burials on top that could mean digging and removing a few layers of coffins to get at the one in question.
Actor Bobby Driscoll (best remembered from the Disney film "Song of the South"; was found dead in an East Village abandoned building. Since his body was unclaimed it went to a pauper's grave on Hart Island. By the time his family out in CA found out about this it was too late to have him disinterred and moved. So Mr. Driscoll's remains are out there somewhere on that island and family couldn't then nor now visit.
Other growing problem is that "perpetual care" does not always mean just that.
Cemeteries can, are and do become abandoned for various reasons (mishandling of financial affairs, owners die off, go bankrupt, etc...), but those graves are still there. There are hundreds of such places all over the USA, Canada and Europe.
Not every state or local area has the funds or even the will to step in and shore up these places. If left to their abandoned fate all sorts of things happen from desecration to outright disinterment of remains for God only knows what purpose.
Cremation brings up a question. My brother in law wants to be cremated.
What % of those who choose cremation do so, to avoid the cost of plots, vaults, limousines, markers, etc.?
As we know you can be cremated after the ceremony at the cemetery. The casket put back in the hearse and back to the funeral home for cremation. That would be a high cost burial but it is a way for someone to get all they offer.
We both plan on being cremated. No service, no burial. We feel there is no point in coming to "see" us when we are dead. Either come when we are alive, or don't bother. Family can have private ceremony if they choose, but it isn't a financial reason, just a waste of money. Instead we want the family to take our ashes to Kauai and throw them in the sea (or give to the Navy to do it ((retired military))) have a great vacation and celebrate our lives.
get cremated put your remains in a urn scatter them where you want.This takes the guilt out of family not visiting you at the cemetery
Who doesn't like visiting a spooky old cemetery? Pet cemeteries are too sad. Happy tails to you until we meet again
Nope not for me or my babies. I have their ashes with me in my house. There's a cat, a dog, and a pig. There will be two more dogs and a cat and one of us some day.
The last one standing will keep our ashes and make arrangements for a trusted loved one to scatter us all together. Hopefully in the back yard where one beloved kitty's ashes are and a crazy rooster that lived with us for nine years is buried.
Oh wait a minute. We're planning on putting a small patio where the chicken is buried. Yikes, I hope he doesn't come up for a visit. Doesn't that sometimes happen in old cemeteries? Great great grandma was buried here but now it's a mall.
I guess I'm just too frugal to waste that kind if money on a full funeral. That and the thought of all those nasty toxic chemicals leaching into the earth from decomposing bodies.
I'd rather leave that money behind for someone alive to enjoy instead of spending it on me and an unnecessary box.
As a young kid saw "Night Of The Living Dead" on late night television. Darned film scared me so much I ended up going to sleep in the living room with every light on the first floor on. From that moment on you couldn't get me to walk past much less into a cemetery. Then family members started dying and pretty much had no choice.
Have visited some lovely cemeteries in Europe. Père Lachaise in Paris is lovely and didn't feel scared wondering around alone for hours. Only eerie thing was seeing inside the empty vaults, crypts, tombs and graves. Apparently the place is pretty strict about enforcing perpetual care fees, when a family has died off and or no one has paid for sometime the remains are remove (IIRC) and reburied elsewhere. The plot, crypt or whatever is then free to be "sold" again.
You still won't catch me in a cemetery after dark or near dusk. Nope, not going to happen!
Once got to my home town late on a winter's evening but wanted to "do the graves" as it was the holiday season. Barely had time to visit one grave before the sun started setting. You never in your life saw someone pack up and drive so fast....
I'm not finding any threads that mention cost of plots or burial vaults, etc.
What is the best CD forum or can you recommend a forum to share and hear experiences about:
1. cemetery rules private owned vs. public
2. cost of vaults, plots, refunds, rules on giving away or selling unused plots, etc.
3. sales pressure and scams to take advantage of the grieving family members, etc.
Not finding any threads on it here so I guess there are not many people discussing such things.
(??)
All these things vary by cemetery, funeral parlors, state and local laws, etc. There's no simple answer. I know my father-in-law's burial was almost $10K. They already had the plot and headstone. There's a reason cremation is becoming more and more popular.
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