Stories on what it's like to go from age 70 to 80 (55, conversation)

[jean_ji]

My parents are 90 and 92. They did major traveling in their 60's, overseas and Hawaii. The drove to southern coastal areas for vacation, 15 hour drive/2 days, until five years ago around 87 and 85. Dad is still sharp but with macular degeneration now, he still cuts the grass and blows snow as needed. Mom has mild dementia and has had fractures in the past few years, but she heals well. They don't travel at all now with Dad's eyesight and the increased possibility of Mom falling.

My MIL is 85 and very mentally sharp and engaged. She and my late FIL were snowbirds the last 18 years and she continues to do it on her own. Two years ago she started flying to FL for the winter rather than driving. She's a legend in the family: still babysitting grandkids and great grandkids, always there when needed, making big family dinners, responding to late night SOS's from grandkids, taking elderly friends on errands and not slowing down much. She also knows when to say no and does, so there is no taking advantage of her. She has had some minor fractures in the past five years, but also heals well and there are a also few more minor dings on her car bumper. Things are beginning to change for her too, slowly.

85 seems to be the tipping point, but not the end.

[kevxu]

Originally Posted by RiverBird

If you're nearing or at the 80 mark, what has your trajectory been like? Steady, or declines in health, or new discoveries, etc? Did a move figure in during this specific decade? How's your mental attitude regarding age as you near the mountaintop?

I had taken a leave of absence from C-D to try to sort out some medical problems, and also because it seemed that political venom was seeping into too many threads where it was entirely gratuitous. However, I had begun looking in on C-D a few days ago, and this thread promises to be too good to pass by..I would hope. I had my 78th birthday in April, and that age is very old for males in my father's family; and, of course, even if one assumes against most odds that life ends at age one hundred - it is old by that standard as well.

I have no problem with the adjective "old," whether it be applied to my age or me. Arriving at old age is good fortune in the abstract, though in the individual reality that milestone may seem otherwise.

Health trajectory: Downward in several jumps. At age 70 I had one stent in my heart and a history of spine deterioration - five operations (this later appears that it is probably hereditary in my father's family having killed my sister, affected some uncles, and was a problem in the previous generation and in a collateral branch of the family.) I engaged in all the usual activities for that age. Now I have four stents in my heart, and have had three major spine operations requiring incisions running from between the shoulder blades to the cocyx - the first two had post-op events that required re-doing the surgery, and the last surgery has been only moderately successful. I have two metal bars about 29 cm long screwed into my spine with (as I recall) 36 screws. I walk with elbow canes as my equilibrium is bad, and rapidly advancing ortho arthritis has made the spine prosthesis increasingly painful...and so on.

My major expenditure of physical activity is a thirty to forty minute walk between six and seven a.m. when it is possible to enjoy the natural world without a lot of traffic and human noise, and the few people that I meet say nothing because they are madly dashing or are very pleasant, some are delightfully and predictably quirky.

New discoveries: Mainly that every day that I walk out early alone there is a sense of "newness" about that time, even though my walks follow only about four circuits. The trees, flowers, the wind, the birds...the seasonal cycles are all thoroughly familiar but always seemingly different - though sometimes I see hoopoes or ibises. Even in what used to be my idea of unpleasant weather, I finish with a feeling of refreshment and discovery. New discoveries not in the natural world have been writers/books, music, ideas, a few people. As far as books/writers, music and ideas go I have enjoyed rediscovering what I had discovered in the past, as these things I am seeing from a different perspective...one that requires having aged, I believe.

Move: I moved from the old center of a walled town outside the walls to a more open area, where having an automobile was not a burden and which allows for much easier access to the sea shore and the inland hill country. And not least of all, for the ability to walk in wild meadows and sea cliff vegetation. And it is a real neighborhood.

Attitude toward aging: Ageing, physical decay and death are the three inalienable presents you get upon being born. Nothing can change that, no matter how one finagles the words.

"Death has come along with birth. Life does not halt for a moment, it is always going forward, like the sun rushing to its setting as soon as it has risen."

Originally Posted by Mr5150

This thread could end up being a source of despair or unwarranted hopelessness. I know that many will speak of serious decline.

It think it would be helpful if a short personal history were included. Such as whether one is a smoker, couch potato or burned the candle at both ends for 30 years or has a family history of poor health. Maybe you suffered a bad accident or are a diabetic. Or perhaps you maintained an active and healthy life style.

Short personal history: For a prolix man this is torture, and I despair of success.

Lots of two-ended candle burning...closer to forty years than thirty before I trimmed a wick. I drank to excess, finally of alcoholic proportions until about age forty. I had begun at age thirteen. I was smoking three and a half to four packs a day when I quit about age forty-one. After a case of hep B my body failed to manufacture the full three parts of the antibody post-infection; therefore, my immune system assumed I was still sick and attacked my liver, popping cells in a relentless hunt for an infection that was not there. Was treated with an immuno-suppressant for a few years - which had to be suspended, and I sneaked in my own desperate home treatment (I later ran into a research dr. who was experimenting with it on infected addicts. I was his "hero" when he saw my test results as I had begun before his experimental program had, and I had quite amazingly, virtually no scarring.) I bought an ounce of grass a month for about a decade...I was generous with my joints, so I certainly did not smoke it all each month. My use of it was always very strictly sequestered to a small part of my life and I never smoked otherwise. I gave it up for no reason other than I was no longer interested. I used cocaine for five years - I recognized that it was definitely looking like the road to uncontrolled use, and I quit.

My father did manual labor seven days a week for most of my growing up. Otherwise very healthy and strong, he died age 56 of cancer of the trachea - smoking (a pack a day.) My mother lived to be 90 and died of a heart attack.

While doing all my booze and drugs, I also exercised regularly with weights. After I quit the booze and cigs, I continued. I lost all but two of my friends during the AIDS epidemic. Volunteered at that time as what was called a Crisis Intervention Worker with people diagnosed with AIDS, this often boiled down to being something like a confidante/listening post for the people I was assigned to - all but one died, and I also did clinical intake interviews with applicants for services. I was the primary care partner to three people - poop and puke wiping up, etc. I became interested in Buddhism in the late 80's, and joined a Zen center in my neighborhood and attended for several years...though the Zen tradition and Far Eastern Buddhism in general were not deeply appealing.

My sibling pre-deceased me, so I am in experience an only child. This, perhaps, accounts for a very well-developed side of me that has managed to sustain his own life through the thick and thin of the other exuberant, social, wild and endlessly stupid side of me: He is bookish, endlessly curious, crawled around Irish megalithic tombs on his belly in his late 20's, joined groups and activities that none of the other side's friends have ever been interested in, and, thus, is rather like a monk without a habit or a monastery. He has always managed to survive and thrive no matter what the other jerk in the same skin did.

The habitless monk had pretty much seized control in the mid-Eighties. I "retired" very early as a result of an accident that heavily damaged the only healthy part of my spine. The irony of that was simply beyond woe. Six years later it was successfully patched up. Having spent considerable time trying to figure out where to retire to in the U.S., I ditched my furniture, etc. and left for Europe instead. I started in Madeira briefly, moved to mainland Portugal, lived in Cyprus three years and moved back to Portugal. I hate change, by the way, and I am puzzled how to reconcile that with my life story, though that hardly matters now, I guess.

Though all of my friends in retirement have been ten to twenty (or more) years younger, I have outlived the ones who stayed put. My last two close friends, both only in their late fifties, died within the past two years quite unexpectedly. I have one couple nearby who are helpful acquaintances, but whom I see infrequently.

My everyday contacts are the waitressess, owners, professional people I know from my own neighborhood; and I have a correspondence with an Irish 3rd cousin, who is brilliant, and the 90 yr. old widow of an American first cousin, who has really wonderfully lively mind and a couple of other people.

I can't imagine that it all won't come to an end in a very few years, maybe sooner. But there it is for now. [I have rushed back to add, lest someone should misunderstand, I am not holding this saga up as the Royal Road to Eighty.]

[mschrief]

My husband just turned 70 last week. I am 60. I swear, I can't keep up with him! He can out-work any 30 year old out there.


We walk 1 hour a day 3-4 times a week and I have to ask him to slow it down. Seesh!

[mlb]

Genetics.

Dad died at 80 but he was a smoker. Emphysema is a nasty way to go.

Mom was 94 and died peacefully after a short bout with endometrial cancer.

I (63 in October) have never smoked and haven't had the respiratory challenges other siblings have had. But I am my mother and my grandmother's daughter..... reproductive challenges.

Knowing all of this has me forwarned of the future... and ready to take on it's challenge.

My spouse also has parents who were long lived. His dad died 3 years at 90 (kidney failure/heart attack)...but his mother is going strong at 95.... He keeps telling me her odds of reaching 100 are slim... and she keeps on truckin'. I'm ready to place my bets she does reach 100.

[Blondy]

My Dad is 86 and Mom is 82. I would say 80 is when they started to show more decline. More like a sharp dip/decline to a health issue and then they bounce back, but its taken something out them.

Still until recently they were fending mainly for themselves. They are now living in an in-law suite at my sisters house. They are basically still taking care of themselves including most of their own meals or when they eat together they help cook/clean. They walk their dog themselves. They...mainly my father....still drive.

They are both still mentally sharp, although sometimes my father has some short term memory gaps and in complicated situations he can get confused or it takes time to process all the facts.....possibly because he cant remember them, not sure. He's gotten surprise checks from taxes for the last couple years because of errors on the returns he's always done himself. Probably will try to take that over from him this year and my mother has started paying more attention to the bills/checkbook.

My father has always said, you have to have a reason to get up in the morning and keep going. And, they are mostly positive, content, strong willed people who do what needs to be done. As he told a doctor this week, he wasn't resisting a treatment because he didn't want to live, he very much wanted to live, just wanted to hear all the options first.

They stay connected with a dwindling number of family/friends via email, phone and in person. One thing I think that helps them is they have always been very structured, organized, stay on top of what needs to be taken care of, with routines almost to the point of rigidity sometimes. But, that is one of the things that helps them now. The basic infrastructure of their lives is so solid, it is easier for them to adapt when they hit a rough spot.

Their weak spot is they don't always advocate well enough for themselves with doctors. Some of that is just generational imo with according the doctor more authority than they should.

[Serious Conversation]

Many people are relatively healthy and vibrant at 70. There are far fewer 80 year olds who are spry and healthy.

[coschristi]

Originally Posted by RiverBird

If you're nearing or at the 80 mark, what has your trajectory been like? Steady, or declines in health, or new discoveries, etc? Did a move figure in during this specific decade? How's your mental attitude regarding age as you near the mountaintop?

Ok; I'm "only" 48 but I just wanted to comment because I liked the way you worded your thread with the "as you near the mountaintop".

That's very cool that you are rejecting the "over the hill" analogy in favor of the "mountaintop". Nice; I like it!

[maiamom]

I will answer for my mother.

Was a housewife, unfortunately gained a lot of weight in her 60's. High blood pressure, diabetes, were all managed with lots of medications instead of diet and exercise.

At 70 she helped design a new house. Did all the bookkeeping for the family business. Drove, shopped, cooked, could travel, meet with friends, etc.

Health started deteriorating when she needed a knee replacement at 73. Anesthesia was not kind (very common with seniors) nor was her recovery. We noticed a slight decline mentally but she still seemed like herself.

At 75 she needed that same knee fixed as the hardware came loose. This time she did much more poorly. She ended up falling and broke her hand. She never recovered mobility and was bedridden.

Eventually we realized she had dementia. The decline was gradual but obvious. Her personality changed, she had delusions. In the final stages she mellowed but did not remember people. She passed away at 79.

With all my relatives the difference between 70 and 80 is huge. A lot depends on how much you take care of yourself. Most of my relatives are typical Americans who eat too much bad food, don't exercise, and rely on tons of medications to make up the shortfalls. What's interesting is that I think my parents' generation was worse than one above them. Obesity is a huge game changer as once you lose your ability to walk (and especially if you have a fall and break a bone) decline can happen rapidly. I know people in their 90's who had a much more disciplined approach to eating and exercise (did not get into the fast food trap like my parents' generation) and are still doing ok.

[catsy girl]

I am 73 and in generally good health. I've had type 2 diabetes for22+years,and it has never been a major problem for me. I have never had to take insulin, although I know that can change, even with a vigilant diet/exercise regime. I've never smoked, rarely drank, and both parents lived to late 80s. I hate exercise, but do more of it than I want to do, and eat reasonably- rarely desserts, few sweets, minimal starches, smaller portions- but I do eat "prepared"food more than I should, because I hate to cook. I've never been heavy, am tall, and small boned.


I have two neighbors- 79 and 81- whom I have known over the last 10 years. They are both still active, travel to Florida for a month in winter, and he does many household projects-putting in a patio, car washing and some maintenance- on a regular basis.


I have two friends- 87 and 88, who live alone in their homes, THe 88 year old has 3 acres, an in-ground pool, does her own housework, some yard work, and takes line dancing once a week. she intends to stay there in spite of daughter's plea to come near her in N.C. she has had some serious health problems in the past but has bounced back.


The 87 year old, whom I've known for 15 years,lives alone, near her son, and does her own housework, and some yard work. she has a black lab she adores, and takes him out for extensive walks twice a day. she makes jam in the summer, cooks quite a bit, and babysits the grandsons perhaps a bit more than she'd like to. She,also has had health issues in the past- two time breast cancer survivor.


I'm not saying that all 70-80+ folks are like this, but I think we'll see more of this kind of aging with the aging baby boomers, than in previous generations. They are more used to being active than previous generations, and for some, there will not be money to enter into CCRCs or other residential retirement communities, where some basic everyday tasks/ chores are taken care of.




Catsy

[johngolf]

I am 74 and there is no doubt that age slows one down so one has to fight it both mentally and physically. Even though I am active in that I play golf 3 times a week, I found age creeping up on me. I recently joined a county run health club. I go 3 times a week for a relatively light (20 minute) workout. Treadmill, reclining bicycle, elliptical, a few machines for stretching, lifting, etc. Not looking to get "rippled" but just to stay ahead.

The mental part I do mainly on the computer. Chatting, playing games, reading, etc.