Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My Harrris Teeter does not generally ask if I need help. I was a little taken back recently whenthe cashier asked if I needed help getting my dog food in the car.2 18pound bags of dog food ?? I must have really looked bad that day.
The variations across the country and also among different retailers are very interesting. Thanks to all who have posted so far, except the two posts lacking in civility.
At certain stores I get asked that almost every time - and have my whole grocery-shopping life - I think it is something baggers are trained to do in some stores unless they're too busy - for everyone - not a factor of age.
A problem with the initial post is that the OP assumes that to be ‘disabled’ is a negative way to be perceived in the world of human beings.
And a belief that to be considered ‘looking disabled or handicapped’ in any way is something insulting.
All the millions of disabled or handicapped people – from very mild to more severe - in the world, deserve not to be cast in a negative mode. Many people with certain handicaps are even more accomplished and more productive than the non-handicapped.
The disabled or handicapped – from very mild to severe - are just as much worthy human beings as anyone else, and using the term ‘disabled’ in a pejorative way where someone believes that to be just thought of as even mildly weaker in strength or having arthritis or trouble maneuvering or having any sort of lack of agility due to age makes one lesser in society and is cause for insult does a disservice.
Also a number of handicapping medical conditions in older age are invisible.
And one’s self-worth and ego should not and need not be reliant upon always being physically strong to a degree that previously existed or completely agile.
And the person who said excessive ego is at work when perceiving that one's manhood, status in the world, or personhood are challenged by the offer of assisting with groceries is correct. It was not a lack of civility at all by a poster to point out that feeling one's manhood or personhood are challenged over this is silly. Joking about it is not being uncivil either.
And one is not viewed as 'helpless' just because their strength or agility is not what it once was.
Last edited by matisse12; 10-31-2016 at 06:14 PM..
Up until we got a Publix near where we lived before I thought this had gone by the wayside. Never had someone ask. But with Publix they pretty much just did it. Even if I only had a couple of bags they would insist on taking them out for me. Even when my DH was with me they would take them out. It wasn't a chore for them, just a service that was offered. One even told me that it was nice for them to get outside. Although this was in South Carolina so not sure how much that would work in the snowy states. Maybe that's why they are only in the south!
We also had Harris Teeter's and not only didn't the offer but they acted as though it was a chore to even do their regular job at all. We had one older cashier and she was the best of the bunch. Always smiling and outgoing. In fact when my DH would pack the groceries she would thank him over and over. You can bet we would seek out her register when we shopped.
Today the bagger asked me if I needed help out to the parking lot. It wasn't the first time I've been asked. I find it mildly insulting...
No I don't and I agree with most posters, most stores ask everyone.
But your thread brought back a distant memory. When I was in the third or fourth grade while leaving a grocery store with my candy bar, an old codger ask me if I would help him take his bags to his car for two bits. I said yes having no idea how much one bit was worth and he was offering two!
I was happy in the end, candy bars were only 5 and 10 cents back then...
Insulting? When did having manners and common decency become insulting? These poor folks are just doing their job! Use self checkout if you don't want to be asked.
A problem with the initial post is that the OP assumes that to be ‘disabled’ is a negative way to be perceived in the world of human beings.
And a belief that to be considered ‘looking disabled or handicapped’ in any way is something insulting.
All the millions of disabled or handicapped people – from very mild to more severe - in the world, deserve not to be cast in a negative mode. Many people with certain handicaps are even more accomplished and more productive than the non-handicapped.
The disabled or handicapped – from very mild to severe - are just as much worthy human beings as anyone else, and using the term ‘disabled’ in a pejorative way where someone believes that to be just thought of as even mildly weaker in strength or having arthritis or trouble maneuvering or having any sort of lack of agility due to age makes one lesser in society and is cause for insult does a disservice.
Also a number of handicapping medical conditions in older age are invisible.
And one’s self-worth and ego should not and need not be reliant upon always being physically strong to a degree that previously existed or completely agile.
And the person who said excessive ego is at work when perceiving that one's manhood, status in the world, or personhood are challenged by the offer of assisting with groceries is correct. It was not a lack of civility at all by a poster to point out that feeling one's manhood or personhood are challenged over this is silly. Joking about it is not being uncivil either.
And one is not viewed as 'helpless' just because their strength or agility is not what it once was.
A bit OT here......There's a very nice young man who works at a local HEB. He has some sort of disability, I believe Muscular dystrophy, and had a speech impediment. He had worked there about 3-4 years as a cashier. One night I was in his line, when the man behind me became impatient. There was a customer ahead of us with some sort of price or check problem, holding up the line. The man said to me, in a voice loud enough to be heard by the cashier " I chose this line because I thought it would be shorter, now I'm stuck waiting on the dummy". He acted like I was going to respond in agreement. I don't lower myself to such conversations. Right about then, I spied the "dummy" wearing his brand-new A&M ring. I immediately said, perhaps a bit louder than I needed to but as loud as Mr Loudmouth behind me, "Oh, you got your Aggie ring. Congratulations, you're now a college graduate, and you worked your way through. I only hope I can be as proud of my son someday as your family must be". A few people glared at Mr Loudmouth, who, had finally shut up his grousing. I guess he showed us who's the "dummy".
When I'm asked, I respond, "Are you looking to get some fresh air for a few minutes?" -- Sometimes they respond, "Yes, it's been a hectic day" -- in which case, I allow them to push the cart out. Otherwise, I politely decline the service without reading anything into it.
A while back, I took some grandkids to the water park -- and while I was exiting the pool, a couple of 10-year old's (not my grandkids) asked if I needed help getting out. I thought, "Wow, to them I must look a lot older than I feel." Instead of getting miffed, I took the opportunity to re-enforce their genuine efforts to be polite and helpful to an older (than them) person.
I used to sort of find it insulting - but these days, I am THANKFUL, THANKFUL I tell you, when someone asks. Because I need the help these days and I'm glad to have it, and sometimes people do not want to give it. And it is just plain hard for me to ask.
Thank these people even if you don't need the help. Others do, and someday you may be among us.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
?? I must have really looked bad that day.
