Why is it so hard for us retired oldsters to make friends? (55, weather)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In the condo in TX where I used to live, the majority of residents were over 70. They got together for board games/card games/dominoes at least once a week. There was a "Social Hour" on Friday nights and we'd bring snacks and drinks. The protocol was "no politics" so conversations wouldn't get heated. Many of these residents had health problems but they seemed to have an active social life, and were very welcoming to newcomers (like me). Some of them did a huge amount of volunteering so had friends that way. The two I'm thinking of were in their 80's.
But I've wondered the same thing as the OP. I used to have a good friend who never wanted to DO anything: such a recluse. Our friendship was email, phone and work. To me, friendship is (also) getting together and doing things together. That has happened less and less in recent years. I would like to get together for coffee, walks, drinks and really have some "serious conversation" (nod to SC). But overall people---though superficially friendly---seem to keep more and more to themselves.
All in all, the scene seems to have changed as another poster noted. Social media, Skype. Less face-to-face interaction. Who knows. I regret this trend, though....
There's an elderly, but sprightly woman in my neighborhood who is never without a man. I've always thought she picked poorly as they are usually without family or money and ill. She seems to take on all their expenses and care until they die and then the next thing you know she has another one.
For a long time I thought uncharitable thoughts about her and her dependence on having a man around. I wondered about end-of-life financial matters. Then one day I had a revelation.
What if I've been looking at this situation totally wrong? What if she has made it her end of life task to shepherd lonely men through their final years at a sacrifice and perhaps some remuneration to herself?
Like most things the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle but it's been a relief to me not to be concerned about her choices anymore.
The woman is a natural healer. I feel better already!
There's an elderly, but sprightly woman in my neighborhood who is never without a man. I've always thought she picked poorly as they are usually without family or money and ill. She seems to take on all their expenses and care until they die and then the next thing you know she has another one.
For a long time I thought uncharitable thoughts about her and her dependence on having a man around. I wondered about end-of-life financial matters. Then one day I had a revelation.
What if I've been looking at this situation totally wrong? What if she has made it her end of life task to shepherd lonely men through their final years at a sacrifice and perhaps some remuneration to herself?
Like most things the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle but it's been a relief to me not to be concerned about her choices anymore.
The woman is a natural healer. I feel better already!
As someone who watches a lot of True Crime, my first thought was that they all have good life insurance policies. Which isn't a True Crime as long as they die naturally. If they're old and sick I doubt anyone would even consider an autopsy. I wonder where she finds them?
There's an elderly, but sprightly woman in my neighborhood who is never without a man. I've always thought she picked poorly as they are usually without family or money and ill. She seems to take on all their expenses and care until they die and then the next thing you know she has another one.
For a long time I thought uncharitable thoughts about her and her dependence on having a man around. I wondered about end-of-life financial matters. Then one day I had a revelation.
What if I've been looking at this situation totally wrong? What if she has made it her end of life task to shepherd lonely men through their final years at a sacrifice and perhaps some remuneration to herself?
Like most things the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle but it's been a relief to me not to be concerned about her choices anymore.
The woman is a natural healer. I feel better already!
For me, after a car accident it has taken me years to semi-heal. But, unless you see me with my CNE or walker, I look quite healthy.
I can't sit in uncomfortable chairs for long before my back cramps up so I really debate going out to lunch or anywhere. I am working on it & getting stronger. But I don't want to go into the who!e accident/surgery thing everyone I meet someone & even those I know don't really understand the pain. Guess you'd have to be there to understand.
Also, the friends I have a history with are gone. I just don't want to go through explaining my life to someone who has no knowledge of my past life. Then, since I moved to this small town, I try to be careful of talking about my working life as I made a lot more money than some ever did.
It's just too much like work, lol, to constantly watch what I say.
Get a dog and walk it through the neighborhood. Soon you will know all the dog people up and down the block.
Get a pole and hang down at the fishing hole.
Get a bike and hit the bike path.
Take up walking and head to the park.
Whatever, you've got to get out and about and find some common ground for socialization in order to meet people.
I dont think its an age thing. I know people of all ages that people just flock to, and others of all ages that are lonely all the time. Its not an age issue.
Agreed. When I was in my 30's I relocated to a new city. I ran into the same situations I am an now trying to make friends due to a subsequent relocation as a 70 year old: cliques, finding those with mutual interests and just being in the right place.
It takes time, patience and effort no matter what the age.
There can be a lot more to retirement life than "making friends".
What about learning, setting goals, making accomplishments, achieving what was not possible when you worked, growing, helping others, expressing yourself in words and/or in art, etc, etc. Start following your passions and you will quickly find others with the same interests and you will quickly develop friendships as an additional benefit.
Acquaintances are easy to make. But real friends, I'm still thinking of my girl friend in elementary school. I've never be that close to anyone like that again. I guess, I have a BS detector.
There can be a lot more to retirement life than "making friends".
What about learning, setting goals, making accomplishments, achieving what was not possible when you worked, growing, helping others, expressing yourself in words and/or in art, etc, etc. Start following your passions and you will quickly find others with the same interests and you will quickly develop friendships as an additional benefit.
That is good advice for the OP. It's how I made great lasting friendships in my former location and am now meeting great people in various situations that look as if they are leading to good friendships in my new location.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Which isn't a True Crime as long as they die naturally. 
If they're old and sick I doubt anyone would even consider an autopsy. I wonder where she finds them?
