Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Another advantage of the 55+ communities for the most part.
I have found that to be so true. I love my alone time, from the days when I was a kid I always liked being alone. But I always had friends for the times I craved company.
Now in my 62+ community I have the best of both worlds. I can sit in the lobby and chat with people, go to events at the senior center in the building with a neighbor if I chose or just sit and watch TV with the cat.
It is nice when someone (like my neighbour) invites me over to have tea or dinner or out to some local event with her/her family, but, they often worry about me too much when they can't invite me because they have family obligations. I appreciate their concern but I often feel as though I am having to explain over and over that I am just fine with being alone - which I am but they don't seem to believe me. I am not incapacitated (yet) so should I need or want to go somewhere/do something around other people (not that there is much around here to do most of the time) I can get in the truck and just go.
I am 'socially isolated' in the sense that most of the family I care about are either thousands of miles away or have passed on - but I am very good at 'entertaining' myself as well (yes, I talk to myself and the walls .. sometimes one of us will answer! ). I recall the days before the internet and frankly I was much more productive back then - sewing, cooking, reading, cleaning, doing arts and crafts - so perhaps I should shut off the only interpersonal interaction (such as it is) I have most days but cutting off my internet connection?
The truth is that I am sorry my husband is not still alive because we had lively daily discussions but I am not 'lonely' per se - though I am alone. I am just not that kind of person - but I know others in my position might not fare as well. I think it depends on how 'independent' one has always been, how much we have counted on others to entertain or fulfill us. I am social person but not dependent on a social environment either. What I don't want is for anyone to 'pity' me or judge me according to who they themselves are. If I was in the hospital no one would be visiting me either - so I might be one of the people the article's author is talking about .. but .. would it bother me or the author more? I suspect the answer is the author. I would be fine.
Things can change socially as you get older. Even if you have a good support system, friends and family pass away. Or move. Some have more time consuming caregiving roles for grandchildren and other family.
I've noticed progressive changes, too, in how friends socialize. Before, there was connectedness about work and mutual interests. Now, interesting friends seem less so. We have less in common. There appears to be a decline in social skills. Some talk only about themselves or of their grandchildren/children. Interrupting and talking over others is more common. There is less give and take. Those who used to have a great sense of humor now don't. A few, who were "never wrong", are more adamantly so now. The occasional pain in the backside has become chronically negative or grumpy. That decreases the motivation to dash across town to meet for lunch---only to be nattered at and then go home.
And, yes, I know I'm no fount of delightful and balanced conversation all the time either. We all have our moments, good and bad. But, as our world grows more limited, for whatever reason, some are less inclined to remain the more charming, social version of themselves.
It's difficult to make friends as an older person, whether or not you're a joiner. I have wished for a good, well-matched traveling companion for car trips. Totally not into dating at this time of life, but wish there were a really active, monitored, platonic "friendship match" website for retirees. For every lonely or isolated person or just those who are less active for lack of an activity partner, there has to be a good potential friend in their area. It would be nice to be able to have that option to openly and directly make such a connection.
LOL, I grew up in a three bedroom, one bath house with two parents and six siblings. Even as a child I longed to be alone (gee, I wonder why, haha).
So now I am alone and am loving it. I hate leaving my house and property. Food shop about once a month and that satisfies whatever need I have for social interaction.
I do see my daughter and her husband pretty frequently, and am in touch with one of my brothers several times a year.
Guess I'm an oddball (nothing new)!
I grew up in a similar household but was also painfully shy and bullied at school for being different. Being alone and in my own fantasy world was a coping mechanism as a child. Perhaps not emotionally healthy but I now enjoy my solitude.
It is nice when someone (like my neighbour) invites me over to have tea or dinner or out to some local event with her/her family, but, they often worry about me too much when they can't invite me because they have family obligations. I appreciate their concern but I often feel as though I am having to explain over and over that I am just fine with being alone - which I am but they don't seem to believe me. I am not incapacitated (yet) so should I need or want to go somewhere/do something around other people (not that there is much around here to do most of the time) I can get in the truck and just go.
I am 'socially isolated' in the sense that most of the family I care about are either thousands of miles away or have passed on - but I am very good at 'entertaining' myself as well (yes, I talk to myself and the walls .. sometimes one of us will answer! ). I recall the days before the internet and frankly I was much more productive back then - sewing, cooking, reading, cleaning, doing arts and crafts - so perhaps I should shut off the only interpersonal interaction (such as it is) I have most days but cutting off my internet connection?
The truth is that I am sorry my husband is not still alive because we had lively daily discussions but I am not 'lonely' per se - though I am alone. I am just not that kind of person - but I know others in my position might not fare as well. I think it depends on how 'independent' one has always been, how much we have counted on others to entertain or fulfill us. I am social person but not dependent on a social environment either. What I don't want is for anyone to 'pity' me or judge me according to who they themselves are. If I was in the hospital no one would be visiting me either - so I might be one of the people the article's author is talking about .. but .. would it bother me or the author more? I suspect the answer is the author. I would be fine.
WTH wants visitors in the hospital, anyways? There you are, definitely NOT at your best, and a bunch of ghouls surround you, expecting you to entertain them! When I start puking, expelling gas, filling up the catheter bag and it reeks when the nurse empties it, stink up the place using a bedpan, spill food on myself while trying to eat/drink from a compromised position, no makeup, bedhead hair, spaced from pain meds, HTH am I supposed to entertain visitors? As long as somebody picks me up to take me home, that's all I need, thank you!
Things can change socially as you get older. Even if you have a good support system, friends and family pass away. Or move. Some have more time consuming caregiving roles for grandchildren and other family.
I've noticed progressive changes, too, in how friends socialize. Before, there was connectedness about work and mutual interests. Now, interesting friends seem less so. We have less in common. There appears to be a decline in social skills. Some talk only about themselves or of their grandchildren/children. Interrupting and talking over others is more common. There is less give and take. Those who used to have a great sense of humor now don't. A few, who were "never wrong", are more adamantly so now. The occasional pain in the backside has become chronically negative or grumpy. That decreases the motivation to dash across town to meet for lunch---only to be nattered at and then go home.
And, yes, I know I'm no fount of delightful and balanced conversation all the time either. We all have our moments, good and bad. But, as our world grows more limited, for whatever reason, some are less inclined to remain the more charming, social version of themselves.
It's difficult to make friends as an older person, whether or not you're a joiner. I have wished for a good, well-matched traveling companion for car trips. Totally not into dating at this time of life, but wish there were a really active, monitored, platonic "friendship match" website for retirees. For every lonely or isolated person or just those who are less active for lack of an activity partner, there has to be a good potential friend in their area. It would be nice to be able to have that option to openly and directly make such a connection.
Several points that resonate with me. One, the people moved away, died, or even changed too much. Sometimes I wish our country were smaller so people couldn't move 1000 miles away. There ought to be a law! And I have a cousin "My Favorite Cousin" who was always like a sister. She's so mentally ill now that it's almost like being dead.
My friends from the old days haven't changed but in that case I was the one who moved away. When I go back we take up as if we haven't been apart for a day. We still love our dogs and cats, our flowers, and we have our deep talks. I'm on a waiting list for an age restricted place so that I can move closer and see people again.
It was an adventure moving out here but I can tell it's time for change. I've met about two people out here who I can relate to so I'm totally glad that I have my wonderful husband for company. He's one of the most outgoing people I've ever met and even HE hasn't met real friends around here. He knows everyone though--there just aren't any people our age with our interests.
We are in Arizona on vacation for the holidays. Once again I'm reminded how friendly most people are. I could never be lonely or feel isolated here. As long as you make a modicum of effort to reach out, people respond.
Not so the Bay Area, where we currently live and where people tend to be, as DH puts it, "stuck-up." We have had so many experiences where we met a couple who seemed interesting but ended the conversation once the subject turned to something other than themselves.
We have our friends but all are younger and still working as we're poised on the brink of retirement. I would rather travel back there several times a year to reunite but make our home here. "Where" is still an interesting question.
In reading the posts here, I cannot help but think about how different we can be in our socializing and social needs.
On one side of the spectrum are those who crave constant interactions. Conversations are pleasant and can be as simple as catching up on the minor events in each other's lives. Others of us are naturally more isolated; some can be true hermits. We often label the different ends of the spectrum as being introverted or extroverted.
It seems like there are some gender differences as well. As with most gender differences, the differences are broad generalizations with much overlap. It seems to me that women are more verbal. A man might see it as gossip or idle chatter. I seem to see a different pattern of interactions with my male groups. We do sports or other activities together. Often there is no conversation. My wife disdainfully calls it parallel play. She is more likely to participate in activities with her female groups. I don't see any activity, just conversation.
When I was working, I noticed other differences in how people interact in meetings and other group activities. Some people want to start a meeting with idle conversation and to put everyone at ease. I had a male boss who did that and I was always somewhat annoyed with the process. I wanted to get right to business, exchange facts and ideas, develop plans and move on.
Then there are the issues with team building, compromising, and tact. Those always seemed mostly irrelevant versus dealing with facts and analysis.
I guess one conclusion should be clear. If social isolation becomes a problem as we age, there is no simple remedy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
). I recall the days before the internet and frankly I was much more productive back then - sewing, cooking, reading, cleaning, doing arts and crafts - so perhaps I should shut off the only interpersonal interaction (such as it is) I have most days but cutting off my internet connection? 
When I start puking, expelling gas, filling up the catheter bag and it reeks when the nurse empties it, stink up the place using a bedpan, spill food on myself while trying to eat/drink from a compromised position, no makeup, bedhead hair, spaced from pain meds, HTH am I supposed to entertain visitors? As long as somebody picks me up to take me home, that's all I need, thank you!
