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I have been trying to communicate with my daughter endlessly. Well, tonight she sent me a text- a very vile text that I will not respond to. I keep reaching out and letting her know I am here
Just leave her be. Every time she sees your name on an email or text, she gets angrier.
If someone kept contacting me even though I'd asked them to stop, I too would probably send an ugly text saying STOP IT! and some other choice words.
So, am I now teaching my daughter that a mother should allow her children to treat her like dirt, simply because she is their mother?
The way she sees it, is you are invading her space every time you contact her when she has told you not to. When she yells at you or says mean things, isn't it related to you continuing to try to get her to talk?
She doesn't see this as abusing you. YOU see it that way because you are hurt. SHE sees you contacting her as abuse.
The only way you will get her to contact you is by leaving her alone completely, do not contact her for ANY reason. She will get up with you when she is ready. Just do not contact her ever again until SHE contacts you.
You are pushing her further away every time she looks down and sees yet another text or another email or a letter from you.
The way she sees it, is you are invading her space every time you contact her when she has told you not to. When she yells at you or says mean things, isn't it related to you continuing to try to get her to talk?
She doesn't see this as abusing you. YOU see it that way because you are hurt. SHE sees you contacting her as abuse.
The only way you will get her to contact you is by leaving her alone completely, do not contact her for ANY reason. She will get up with you when she is ready. Just do not contact her ever again until SHE contacts you.
You are pushing her further away every time she looks down and sees yet another text or another email or a letter from you.
I get this on some Yoda level, but at this point I feel like I'm being led by a ring in my nose.
I had a counselor once tell me that however I behave or whatever I put up with - that I'm teaching my daughter that is what she should do when she grows into a woman.
In other words, if I let a man abuse me (for instance), and I put up with that, that I am teaching my daughter that she should do the same.
So, am I now teaching my daughter that a mother should allow her children to treat her like dirt, simply because she is their mother?
Or do I teach her that everyone deserves dignity?
The way I see it is that you are abusing each other -- or at least you are in the mind of the other. Is it truly abuse, though? I think so, although there are MANY kinds of abuse that are MUCH worse than what you (both) are experiencing.
The way I see it is that if someone forces herself on someone who does not want that, that is abuse; and if
someone intentionally hurts another without justifiable reason, that is abuse, too. I also think that if you continue to put yourself in a situation that you know will hurt you, that you are abusing yourself.
Bottom line: I think ALL the abuse should just stop, and in order to do that, I think you need to step back for a while -- probably for at least six months.
The way I see it is that you are abusing each other -- or at least you are in the mind of the other. Is it truly abuse, though? I think so, although there are MANY kinds of abuse that are MUCH worse than what you (both) are experiencing.
The way I see it is that if someone forces herself on someone who does not want that, that is abuse; and if
someone intentionally hurts another without justifiable reason, that is abuse, too. I also think that if you continue to put yourself in a situation that you know will hurt you, that you are abusing yourself.
Bottom line: I think ALL the abuse should just stop, and in order to do that, I think you need to step back for a while -- probably for at least six months.
The way she sees it, is you are invading her space every time you contact her when she has told you not to. When she yells at you or says mean things, isn't it related to you continuing to try to get her to talk?
She doesn't see this as abusing you. YOU see it that way because you are hurt. SHE sees you contacting her as abuse.
The only way you will get her to contact you is by leaving her alone completely, do not contact her for ANY reason. She will get up with you when she is ready. Just do not contact her ever again until SHE contacts you.
You are pushing her further away every time she looks down and sees yet another text or another email or a letter from you.
Agreed. She's not worth the headache. Never mind everything you've done for her, the point is that you emailing her when she's asked you not to is abusive and anything she says or does in response is not abusive because she's the kid and you're the parent and that's how it works. How dare you email her when she has told you not to? You are invading her space....don't you see that? That is a good reason for a child to say mean things to their parent ... clearly.
Now bend over and take it like all good parents are supposed to.
Whoa, what a lot of weird channeling going on here. People somehow thinking they know what is in my daughter's head?
My daughter never asked me to stop emailing.
I think there are several people here who have been abused by their parents and are transferring their experiences to me.
At any rate, to the kind people who have posted here, thank you. I'm going to ask that this thread be closed now.
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