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I'll be honest and say that even though I am fully capable of doing the lawn, washing the car, all the other xyz things he does, I refuse to do them. .......
Honestly, how hard is it to cook or do laundry. It seems like a lot because it is something that is done daily so we focus on it. Grass gets cut, what - once a week? Around here that is an all day job. No way do I spend 8 hours during a week cooking - so it more than evens out.
If you refuse to do things, then you refuse, and you split things up that way then. Personally, I never refused. I did them. Lawn. Washing car. Changing the oil. Until I said I would pay to have it done.
And if you choose to live on a property so large that it takes 8 hours to cut the grass, well, then that's what you choose. Most people have much less than that. You say you don't do 8 hours cooking? So what then, 30 minutes a day? 7 days a week? Who does the meal planning? The grocery shopping? The dishes? Not even close to the work that goes into 8 hours of cutting grass, and that includes oil, gas, etc. You mention laundry too...on top of that. And I betting cleaning too.
Traditional roles are skewed. There was a study done once (presented to us at university, I don't have a link to prove it) wherein working couples were asked to write down all the domestic chores they did. The lists for the man and the woman were of even length. However, a simple item it went like this:
She wrote:
1. Give the kids a bath.
He said:
1. take the kids out of their clothes,
2. put them in the tub,
3. wash them, shampoo them,
4. dry them off
And so the list went.
I'll never choose a property that takes 8 hours to cut, but I'll surely choose equality.
I've learned that I am not the only one who was sick and tired of working at soul-sucking jobs. I've learned that others love the simple, everyday joys of retirement like I do. And I've gotten some great ideas for hobbies and activities that I'd like to pursue too. You've all been interesting and inspirational and fun to hang out with on many levels.
There aren't too many people who enjoy the art of conversation anymore, much less exchanging pleasantries of any kind.
When I was a kid back in the dark ages neighbors used to sit out on their front porches in the evening and talk. Those days are gone. Everybody is just too darn busy doing nothing now.
CD is like a version of that old front porch where there's stories, laughter, support, sharing. This subforum is where we ''old folk'' can feel at home and hang out with our buds.
Like others, I've found financial, Medicare and SS info here along with great links. DH, who is still working and is on his computer, laptop and phone many days, does little online in his personal time and is always amazed by the info I find here.
I've also learned just the act of typing a reponse to a post and getting my thoughts in order gives me clarity. More often than not, I end up cancelling the post, realizing while it's been quite helpful to me, it doesn't add much to the thread.
I haven't been here very long. Just joined this year when I was looking for information on how to deal with my own doubts and concerns about retiring. Hoping to retire during the first half of this year as soon as I get the 401k contribution for the year maxed out.
There are a lot of differing opinions here from people from various backgrounds so I have been exposed to new ideas and points of view that I am not exposed to in my everyday life. I have learned to go ahead and blow off steam by typing a response but then holding it for a few hours and going back to read it later; often deleting what I have written after I feel better so as not to upset people for no reason.
We seem to always talk about what the woman does and that the man should take on some of those chores.
I'm a woman and wonder why don't we talk about what the men do?
I'll be honest and say that even though I am fully capable of doing the lawn, washing the car, all the other xyz things he does, I refuse to do them. And I had a man type job in the military - and enjoyed it, but unless I'm getting paid to do that type of hard labor, I'm not going to.
Honestly, how hard is it to cook or do laundry. It seems like a lot because it is something that is done daily so we focus on it. Grass gets cut, what - once a week? Around here that is an all day job. No way do I spend 8 hours during a week cooking - so it more than evens out.
A problem with us. My husband has always loved to cook- but was way too busy before he retired. Now he does most of the cooking. We do however go out to eat more frequently than before retirement. We also hired a lawn service when his job got so demanding that he didn't have time to work in the yard. We still have a gardener, though we enjoy planting and pruning ourselves. Laundry is now split. Heavy cleaning is done by our maid service and we pretty much pick up after ourselves. Early in our marriage we both did everything-including hard labor, remodeling houses, building stone patios and yard work. I think the key is that we did it together- and neither of us feel unequal. I know that I would not marry anyone, if my husband passed, who was expecting me to do everything. Financially I would be fine without remarriage.
What I have gained by reading this forum is the knowledge that I am very fortunate. We did finish our education, work hard, made the right choice for marriage partners, took care of our health and didn't overspend. But there is always a bit of luck in life events. Also most threads vear into "but what about those without savings, or those who cannot retire, woe." Those of us who have done well are accused of bragging and being unfeeling. Threads about doing well become contentious.
What I have learned is: since I don't have a million dollars now, I will not need a million dollars in retirement. I like my lifestyle, my home and where I'm living. I just hate this soul sucking job (FeelinLow, I feel you )
Because of the above, I will be able to retire years earlier than I thought, with no worries, and be able to support myself just fine until I am old enough to draw SS at FRA.
I have learned that maybe I should be less confident that what we've done for our retirement will be enough. Many people here seem to have way more savings and pensions and SS than we have. We keep crunching numbers, and IF our estimates for our COL are correct, we SHOULD be fine. We're still wondering whether to file for SS at early retirement or try to live on our investments and file later.
So I guess what I really learned is how much I don't know.
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