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What happened to Bob? He used to be on top of the world and sharp as a tack. He was a leader at the senior center I go to on a regular basis. Now everyone was gossiping about his decline.
Eventually we heard why Bob was not himself anymore. He lost his son in a car accident. They were so close and now he was gone.
I think many of us seniors are just not as able to pick ourselves back up after something terrible happens as easily as when we were young. When terrible things happen to us we are thrown down so hard it is nearly impossible to come back. We may never be the same.
Maybe it is a health setback, depression, emotional issue, death in the family or even a huge loss in investment income. Can you relate? Have a story to tell?
We don't run as fast as we used to, but some of that is natural ageing. We are still in good spirits (not the liquid kind), but I have been retired 20 years.
You mention a death in the family. What about a death OF the family? Divorce is not uncommon, but it blows up the family and results in emotional and financial devastation.
At any age, it's one of the most stressful experiences a person can go through. Late in life, it's very difficult to recover from. Like Bob, those of us who have been through such devastation will never be the same.
I retired with a plan to move to Oregon (a dream of 40 years).
About the same time, Mom became unable to live on her own due to memory loss as she moved into dementia. I became her caregiver for 6 hard, rewarding years.
After grieving her death and pondering awhile, I again planned to move to Oregon. I took a month long vacation there and found my little dream house in the perfect location. It remained for sale in the down market for two years as I remodeled and sold a place here. I planned to make a bid on my birthday but injured my leg significantly just before. It took me a month to feel I could still make the move. So I called to put it a bid on the house and found that the day before I called to put in my bid, someone made a cash offer and the house was sold.
More pondering and reassessing. I again decided to move to Oregon. My healthy younger brother, in his 50's, was to stay here, live in my home and care for my property until he retired. Then he had a common illness that quickly moved into an unheard of autoimmune disorder that left him paralyzed head-to-toe. His life daily hung in the balance for over a year. He went through unbelievably stressful procedures and an eval at a university hospital in a major city before being moved to an out of town specialty hospital that could take his ventilator.
I found an apt. nearby and was with him daily morning to night. He was mentally sharp mostly throughout. He regained speech and, for months, we talked about everything. Then his heart stopped (as it had a few times before) even with a pacemaker. He was revived but it was too late. All along, he had amazingly remained positive when I was terrified and trying not to be. He had a strong, quiet faith and he still wanted to live. His heartbroken daughter gave birth to his first grandchild less than two months later. He would have loved being a grandfather just as he had loved being a dad.
So again grieving and recovering and pondering what to do with myself. And without my brother who was going to be the one to look after me in my dotage and was the only one to know all my wishes, including the final ones.
Sometimes, you don't know if the universe is telling you, "No" when you have a dream. Or whether it's telling you, "Yes, but it has to mean enough to you to endure." We have our plans. Life has its plans and they can change in a heartbeat. Anyway , I've been thinking of moving to Oregon again. We'll see.
To Mollyblythe: What difficult blows you have sustained! Glad you've been thinking once again of moving to Oregon, which says to me that your spirit has not been crushed. I hope your long-term dream will yet come true.
Thanks, Escort Rider. I don't know many people who haven't, at some point .had hardships or setbacks that made them wonder how they could move forward. There is, maybe, some truth to the adage, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." I wouldn't wish these kinds of challenges on anyone, but coming through such "fires" can make our quavering spirits set up a little stronger when we"ve survived them. And, often our compassion is more acute. Some good should come from the sadnesses in our lives if we can manage it.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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destroyed your retirement?
perspective my friend,,, stuff happens (to everyone)
Don't plan on stuff working out, what is the 'adventure' in that!
Once upon a time~
My uncle went in for a simple elective surgery 1 month before retirement (While he had HC). He had 3 tractors tore down so he could work on them while recovering. He never recovered.
DR forgot to use O2 monitor, casting dear uncle into life as a veggie for 10 yrs. Wife had to quit work early (lost earnings and reduced pension).
but... they were not 'destroyed'. They cherished every painful moment.
My dad; Checked out at age 49, devastating stroke, never recovered, hospital / homecare (me) for 32 yrs. He hated every minute of it and made sure I knew it! I survived (un-destroyed @ age 18 - 50)
My best friend; moved to a beautiful spot in MT, I helped him build a home, (as he had helped me several times). Got nailed by cancer (and no HC since unemployed and over age 50). got 3" removed from spine and lost the house over treatment cost. Then he relapsed and died a very painful and slow death. Family and friends were not destroyed, tho they lost everything.
My inlaws and parents (mom) lost everything (Financially) AFTER retirement, they had a very happy and satisfying retirement (2 of 4 still living = more elder care for me). So did some famous millionaires....who were dirt poor in retirement and took on the task of rising up.
Neighbor was all set to retire in 2007. Didn't get his Heavy construction business sold before economic meltdown. His son was leveraged out on business and properties. Neighbor chose to cash in all his IRA's (tax hit, to bail out adult son (for the umteenth time...)) 10 yrs later. Neighbor nearing age 80, working very hard running worn out equipment in tough construction business. Son has divorced and moved in to parents house with 3 adult grandkids (wayward bunch, been mooching for 4 yrs, won't help with farm work).
Over 100,000 of us innovative techy engineers got laid off due to infamous CEO who ruined a 65 yr old 'best company in USA'. I was 32 yrs in and 6 weeks from pension and HC eligibility. My good friend was 1 day away from retirement eligibility, and had just spent $20k 'adopting' his nieces age 6 and age 8 from an abusive / prison and drug infested home.
10 yrs later the nieces took them to court on trumped up child abuse charges, cuz aunt and uncle wouldn't let them go live with their druggy and unemployed boyfriends. We survived... only ones that were destroyed were elderly retirees from the company who had 100% invested in what had been a VERY good thing and secure company (We lent CASH to US Government to meet payroll).... These older couples actually DIED due to their new found destitute stress. They had been 20+ yrs in retirement and just fell to pieces. It was sad.
Life is not fair, nor Faire. But does come at a very steep fare.
I think many of us seniors are just not as able to pick ourselves back up after something terrible happens as easily as when we were young. When terrible things happen to us we are thrown down so hard it is nearly impossible to come back. We may never be the same.
Maybe it is a health setback, depression, emotional issue, death in the family or even a huge loss in investment income. Can you relate? Have a story to tell?
Most individuals by the time they reach their senior years have experienced one, several, or all the significant losses that you have mentioned. At the age of 44 I lost my 49 year old husband from a sudden heart attack. At that time both my parents and MIL all in their 70s shared this loss with me, and not quite a year had passed that additionally my MIL has gone through the loss of my FIL. My MIL still grieving the loss of my FIL now adding to that the grief of loosing my her beloved child coped far better than I because at her age had already gone through loosing both her parents, a sister, and other difficult life events which through these experiences she learned to cope and develop a resiliency despite her losses and continue to find purpose and meaning in life. Additionally, with each loss my MIL's heart grew in compassion towards the suffering of others, and I consider myself very blessed to have had her in my life during this difficult time because it was her compassion extended towards me that was instrumental in my ability to again find purpose and meaning in my life which at times I never thought possible.
Although years of life may result in weakness of body and sometimes mind, emotional weakness does not always follow the same path with aging because most of us have already lived through life experiences that we may have contemplated about in our youth that we thought would have killed us, but we managed to cope, survive, and continue to find purpose and meaning in life because we know we can recover from multiple losses because we already have.
You mention a death in the family. What about a death OF the family? Divorce is not uncommon, but it blows up the family and results in emotional and financial devastation.
At any age, it's one of the most stressful experiences a person can go through. Late in life, it's very difficult to recover from. Like Bob, those of us who have been through such devastation will never be the same.
I strongly agree with you, josie13. I do agree that some wounds, particularly wounds from an unwanted divorce, can be wounds that never really do heal. The wounds can always be there for a lifetime and into older age. And the toll of the emotional devastation of unwanted divorce and leave-taking of the spouse, I agree, can be vast and deep.
Last edited by matisse12; 03-09-2017 at 04:06 AM..
Life is full of crises for everyone, at any age, not just in retirement.
We had our expat retirement interrupted because we had to return to the US to care for an elderly parent. Had to sell a home in Mexico, sell a home in AZ, so we could return to the East Coast as our parent wanted to stay in his own home. It was a tough couple of years, but we are glad we did it.
Now that he has passed on, we are picking up where we left off. Just bought a new home in Mexico.
Go with the flow!
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