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My husband and I are semi-retired and our daughter is 27 years old, the youngest of 3 (2 older brothers). She graduated from college, spent a year in London to finish her Master's degree and now has a great job. Currently, she's living with our middle son (an engineer) in a rented townhouse just 20 minutes away. They've always been very close, so this has been a good living arrangement for the past year, but when the lease is up, my son wants to purchase a place of his own. He is offering his sister a room when he gets his new place, but she's thinking about moving back home instead. She'd like to save money for a condo and start to pay down her student loan debt from her graduate work. We have a large home and there's plenty of room and we all get along, but we are feeling it's a step back as far as her independence is concerned. Her friends have all moved away and she's having a tough time meeting new people. She'd like to meet a nice guy, but her experience with online dating has been disappointing. Our fear is if she retreats back home, she'll start settling in. My husband and I would like to see our kids launched into the world before we depart (hopefully decades away!) and we don't know what's the best thing to do. Should we say yes to our daughter moving home again, or encourage her to get her own place?
If she spent a year in London (across the ocean from you, I presume?) on her own, I wouldn't worry about her being able to survive when you're gone.
Certainly express your concerns to her but it sounds like you've done a good job of launching her.
I would not let her move back home. My daughter moved back in at age 24 "for six months." It is now three years! You will do a disservice to her. Your daughter is "launched." Don't let her boomerang back in. We never dreamed when we were their age to move back in with our parents, did we? No way.
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
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If the loan is large, I'd let her come and live with you and pay a rent. How much rent will determine her willingness to live with you.
How is the son doing on dating?
IMO, This is later part of the story of about Boomers and early chapters of our Echo.
We have a son, 32, launched, owns home, 200 miles from us. Also having issues with dating
If the loan is large, I'd let her come and live with you and pay a rent. How much rent will determine her willingness to live with you.
How is the son doing on dating?
IMO, This is later part of the story of about Boomers and early chapters of our Echo.
We have a son, 32, launched, owns home, 200 miles from us. Also having issues with dating
He has a girlfriend & I think he'd appreciate having a place to himself.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leastprime
If the loan is large, I'd let her come and live with you and pay a rent. How much rent will determine her willingness to live with you.
How is the son doing on dating?
IMO, This is later part of the story of about Boomers and early chapters of our Echo.
We have a son, 32, launched, owns home, 200 miles from us. Also having issues with dating
I made it 'reasonable' if my kids wanted to come home. Total cost of keeping the home open (including taxes) divided by number of residents. No takers (Cheaper for them to live elsewhere)
Dating is not all it is cracked (?) up to be. I am SO HAPPY I never dated, nor my kids. (nor most of my friend's kids) Grow a meaningful and substantial relationship and let if flourish. No dating desired or required. (pretend relationship)
So far, so good. (I am very grateful, for myself and my kids fleeing the 'drama' of dating)
Seek and nourish a 'Keeper' (whether they work out or not), NEVER 'play-the-game' with someone else's precious well-being. All are valuable beyond measure. Some fit, some are a better fit for others. Nurture them, set them free to be MORE than YOU can ever love them. It works!
Dating is not all it is cracked (?) up to be. I am SO HAPPY I never dated, nor my kids. (nor most of my friend's kids) Grow a meaningful and substantial relationship and let if flourish. No dating desired or required. (pretend relationship)
So far, so good. (I am very grateful, for myself and my kids fleeing the 'drama' of dating)
Seek and nourish a 'Keeper' (whether they work out or not)
Isn't "dating" seeking and nourishing a keeper whether they work out or not? How do you find someone without dating?
Your daughter has already lived away from home, and done it successfully.
This is not a step backward for her. It can be a huge step forward if you help her out.
Just set some ground rules and goals.
Short story:
I had a friend who got married in her mid-20s. Her husband did not keep up his end of the relationship (drugs, couldn't hold a job), and then my friend got pregnant. She was just starting out as a teacher, and couldn't afford to live on her own. She was very close with her family. They moved her back home, they helped her raise her daughter, she divorced her husband, she got her masters degree in education, and was able to save some money for her own house.
It would have been darned near impossible for her to do that without her parents' help.
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