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I am now living in a townhouse and for the first time in 49 years of marriage I am not hosting the holiday dinners. Local daughter-in-law and son host now. I always cook something or bring the wine or the dessert, etc. I was SO ready to let the next generation take over. We all eat on paper plates, grill the meat, sometimes have the meal catered, do take-out, or whatever. Being together is the fun...not the meal.
We always hosted Christmas Eve when our kids were little. It was everyone on my side of the family, all at our little house--my parents did it before we did and we took over at some point.
I never disliked it, but I did put an awful lot of stress on myself to make it as perfect for everyone as I could. Worried about if the house was clean enough, if the food was good enough, if the gifts were what they wanted, if my kids would behave ok.
And it usually turned out fine, all of my worrying for nothing. Hubby always helped with everything, it was truly always 50/50 for the most part. He never worried or put stress on himself at all. I just don't know how to do that.
I don't miss all that, really, but I can't say I ever got "tired" of it at the time.
When the parents got old I took over and I'm a guy. It's not hard. It is time consuming. Big difference. Same thing with cleanup. Time consuming, not hard. I am not one to want people to work when invited as a guest so clean up waits until everybody leaves. People are dead or scattered now but I still wouldn't mind doing it again regularly.
My parents grew up surrounded by huge families. Lots of kids and they all lived in the same area. All the men worked and few of the women but they managed huge households and had large gardens. They canned food to make ends meet and even did their own baking. They had huge holiday celebrations. Usually every family brought food to be shared. And there was always a huge pot of gravy(tomato sauce) on the stove. Other common foods were veal cutlets and potato pancakes. And home made root beer! My parents moved away so I only participated occasionally, maybe that's why it made an impression on me.
Today everyone has to work outside the home, usually more than 40hrs a week just to claim middle class status. So there is much less emphasis on the home and doing things like Spring Cleaning. Everyone is always at work or coming and going to work so there isn't as much time to prepare and plan for larger gatherings. Many are still hosted by the older, retired family members who have more time.
My family is small, but I would always host Thanksgiving and Christmas and thought that I enjoyed having the family at my house. Two years ago, my sister's husband was sick, so I decided to go to my son's for Christmas. OMG, a whole different experience. He had friends and family over and I enjoyed spending time with them without having to actually clean and prepare food. I only had to prepare the turkey and make whatever desserts he wanted. Perfect holiday. I decided that I would spend Christmas at his place as long as I am able to travel. My son gets to save vacation days and I get to relax at his place while he works before the holiday. Perfect!!
My family is small, but I would always host Thanksgiving and Christmas and thought that I enjoyed having the family at my house. Two years ago, my sister's husband was sick, so I decided to go to my son's for Christmas. OMG, a whole different experience. He had friends and family over and I enjoyed spending time with them without having to actually clean and prepare food. I only had to prepare the turkey and make whatever desserts he wanted. Perfect holiday. I decided that I would spend Christmas at his place as long as I am able to travel. My son gets to save vacation days and I get to relax at his place while he works before the holiday. Perfect!!
Between my family and my husband's, I do either Christmas Eve or Christmas day supper. (either 11 or 13 people) We all take turns and I get one year off every three years and I LOVE IT!
As for cooking the meals, I normally love to cook, but I find Christmas dinner so fussy and stressful. I start my prep work three days out so I'm not doing it all the morning of... (deserts, chopping veg's, getting the special China and flatware out and ready, etc)
While I enjoy having our families for Christmas and we all have a good time, my favorite part of the day is falling into bed at the end of the evening after the dishes are done.
If I do Easter or Thanksgiving, it is just us and our grown children. No muss, no fuss, no decorating a tree, etc (nothing fancy, just turkey and the trimmings on every day plates)
My family is everything to me, and it's large - myself, wife, our 2 grown daughters, their husbands, and our 6 grandkids. Now we have with us both my brother and the wife's brother. My brother has a grown daughter nearby, and she has 2 kids. So when we get together, it can be a huge affair.
For years and years, before we retired, we always had Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house. We were the only ones with a large formal dining room that we could stretch to seat 14, if we had to. Every 4th of July, I hosted a big clam boil for as many as 30 people. My wife did not do the cooking - I did. I love cooking, esp if it's outdoors. Griddle breakfasts and ribs on the fire are my specialty.
My 3 oldest grands love to cook, too. Everybody is so busy with work, school, sports. I am happiest when we can get together. Love to take the grands on a day hike, where we build a campfire and make stew. Great memories!
Now that our daughters are better settled in bigger homes, they often host a holiday. Today (Easter) I am down at the TN place, joined by my wife and BIL. It was quiet but pleasant. I got some texts and pictures from 2 of the grands, which made my day!
I never did host Easter Dinner once the kids were married and out of the house. I've never felt a big celebratory feeling about Easter, even when I was a little kid.
For many years after they were gone, I attempted to have Thanksgiving dinner but they all dined elsewhere (in-laws, girlfriend's house) before they got here and I was left with most of the dinner uneaten. I finally said, "If you want pie and coffee, stop in. Don't look for dinner." The sigh of relief that came out of them actually fluttered the drapes.
So, Christmas was the last holiday and even though I was working and performing, I did it all. Cleaned, cooked, baked, shopped, wrapped, decorated. And everybody came. To their credit, they did, (most of them) helped to clean and tidy and sometimes even came back the next day to finish the job. And get another free meal. lol I had open heart surgery. And I did Christmas. I had emergency gall bladder surgery. And I did Christmas. I had colon cancer, surgery, chemo. And I did Christmas. By that time, we were numbering about 27.
In 2011, I hosted the last Christmas. An ugly situation with an ex-family member made me realize that the whole rigmarole was a farce and I said, "I'm done." I spend my day doing whatever I want and in the evening I go to dinner at one of my kid's home. The following day, I generally go to another. It was my hope that when I 86'd the extravaganza at my house, somebody else would take up the banner and have it at theirs. Not happenin'
. I think I did it because I came from a family that didn't do much getting together. My mother never did. My step-mother never did. My Grandmother never did. I determined when I was 17 that I'd be different. So for 58 years I was different. I don't regret having done it, and I don't regret giving it up.
The Queen of Christmas has turned in her crown.
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