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I ran across something interesting tonight that I hadn't really thought about much, and thought I would pitch it out here for discussion considering it's really about criticizing/hating your early life.
A man my age, who also went to the same public schools with me here in Tennessee, responded to a meme a mutual friend posted about the "earth healing itself" with "maybe that's why us impoverished East Tennesseans are so spiritual." It was done in a condescending way.
Maybe he meant nothing by it, but I found the comment tacky. He is mostly friends on Facebook with fellow locals, many of whom are very religious. A statement like this will offend many locals. He is a forthright, atheist Democrat, in an area full of religious Republicans. He is also a public school teacher (though his Facebook first/last name is not close to his real name, obviously he tries to hide his real identity) and by design, a somewhat public figure.
We were close as high school classmates, but grew up and and sometimes come closer together, then drew apart over the years, repeated a few times. We aren't best friends but not casual acquaintances.
Over the years, he's made eminently clear his hatred for his growing up here. His hatred of the same county Baptist church we both attended. His hatred of our high school and its teachers. His hatred for the local economy, necessitating a second degree and career retraining (from pure science to teaching) in his mid-20s. His hatred for his parents, who, to be fair, have been arrested multiple times for domestic issues. His hatred for his current circumstances, though he's now engaged to a gorgeous local woman. His hatred for local politics, though he dares not pack his bags for states like IL, MA, NY, CT, etc., that are far more in line with his views.
Personally, I don't think he is technically wrong about a lot of his criticisms, but if you're that damn dissatisfied, move somewhere more in tune with your views. When things were going to pieces for me, I packed my bags and took the next train toward opportunity from down here in Tennessee toward the prosperity in New England and the Midwest.
As you age, do you feel that you seethe, brood even, over past events and real or merely perceived slights? Do you look at earlier stages your life with resentment, or even hatred? Do you hold and maintain those bitter grudges as a senior? Do you look back on your childhood or early adulthood, and can't let the wrongs of the past go, even though you may have had no control over the situation?
Well, your buddy really ought to move somewhere more in line with his political leanings, IMHO - what's holding him in Tennessee? He may be OK with science, but his "emotional intelligence" is not up to par - if you are a public figure, being overtly disdainful of the public is not a good business plan. I have to doubt that this "gorgeous local woman" he's engaged to really knows about this guy's politics, wonder if she will stay with him when she figures it out?
If his STEM chops are really any good, he should be able to get on with TVA or at Oak Ridge. If, that is, his chops are good enough. If he's really high IQ, teaching those dumb kids would be a grind after a while. I couldn't do it.
Certainly I look back on my childhood and up into high school with some irritation, up to grade 12 my time was wasted by a poor school system, I might have made it further in life if I had had some real instruction during that time, so I hit college unprepared but with plenty of mental horsepower to catch up, wasting the first 12 years (mostly) didn't do much permanent damage.
But, "seethe", no, nothing that bad. As Marcus Aurelius put it, "The best revenge is to not be like that".
I have moved far away from my childhood home, the Bible-thumping dimwits I went to high school and grade school with play no part in my life. I don't hate them, I don't even pity them, unless someone brings the subject up as you have, I don't think about them. I have better things to think about.
I like where I am in life now, had any single thing changed it could have butterfly effected everything. With that said, I wish I didn't mess around my first to years of school, I went to community college so it wasn't a huge deal but it was a big waste of time, too busy partying. I got my ish together and eventually went to a 4 year and am doing quite well for myself but it was dumb at the time..
I also dated a girl my last year of high school who I was head over heels for.. We had a bad breakup and I missed out on a lot of parties and girls because I was with her. More than made up for it in college.
I ran across something interesting tonight that I hadn't really thought about much, and thought I would pitch it out here for discussion considering it's really about criticizing/hating your early life.
A man my age, who also went to the same public schools with me here in Tennessee, responded to a meme a mutual friend posted about the "earth healing itself" with "maybe that's why us impoverished East Tennesseans are so spiritual." It was done in a condescending way.
I'm no mind reader, but it might be as simple as someone who is relatively unaccomplished finding the need to diminish everything around them. It's a natural human emotion and certainly is one way to push up your own self-esteem. I wouldn't worry about it.
I admit that I tend to keep a grudge and I know it is not healthy and am getting better about it. But I'm not seething with anger and resentment. Like M3 Mitch and BayAreaHillbilly, I had some bad experiences early in life and my dysfunctional childhood has left me with issues. A poor childhood with a very religious Southern mother who was overwhelmed by having so many children plus having to work outside the home and neglected her children. And a dominating and controlling father who would say very hateful things to his children. My parents also had difficult childhoods and bad experiences during and after WWII so I can forgive them. The Southern fundamentalist churches that worked hard to keep women pregnant and docile - not so much.
Like M3 Mitch, I also have issues with bad public schools that did not adequately prepare me for college so it took more effort and extra years for me to graduate and start my career. One problem was that
our family moved every year or two because my dad father worked construction projects. Even if you had good grades from the last school, the new school would place you in the weaker classes because you were from a working class family. By the end of the year, I would be told that I was going to be placed in more advanced courses the next year but since we were moving again, who cared? It was the baby boomer years so classrooms were too large. And in my opinion, the teachers who are just a reflection of our society did not treat students fairly and equally, making distinctions between minorities and white anglos, between students from working class and professional class backgrounds, and students who had handicaps or learning disabilities. I attended many different public schools in three states and this was common. So I have some resentment toward the public educational system but I enjoyed college and have high regard for most of my college professors.
These whiny threads about a third person none of us know or care about are just so much fun. That is, if your definition of "fun" is applying your forehead to the wall forcefully and repeatedly.
It's almost as if there's a hidden agenda at work...
As you age, do you feel that you seethe, brood even, over past events and real or merely perceived slights? Do you look at earlier stages your life with resentment, or even hatred? Do you hold and maintain those bitter grudges as a senior? Do you look back on your childhood or early adulthood, and can't let the wrongs of the past go, even though you may have had no control over the situation?
No. The past is past - it's done and over with. There are some things that I wish had gone differently than they did, but if by some magic I could change them, I wouldn't. Who knows what other changes would be triggered? Change this, and then that changes, and that, and that ....
No. I like the person I am. I seriously wouldn't change a thing.
I ran across something interesting tonight that I hadn't really thought about much, and thought I would pitch it out here for discussion considering it's really about criticizing/hating your early life.
As you age, do you feel that you seethe, brood even, over past events and real or merely perceived slights? Do you look at earlier stages your life with resentment, or even hatred? Do you hold and maintain those bitter grudges as a senior? Do you look back on your childhood or early adulthood, and can't let the wrongs of the past go, even though you may have had no control over the situation?
My sister, my only sibling, had a huge negative impact on my life. I never hated her, I was just hurt. I always tried to get her to...like me, be my sister, be family, and never understood her treating me like a stray dog she didn't want to take in. I always looked up to her. My parents were wonderful people but both worked a lot and my mother had severe PTSD from WWII. Without my sister I was pretty much on my own. So was she I guess but she at least had more than several good years with them before I was born and things got harder.
It hasn't been till my 50s that I understood clearly how fundamentally she has shaped my life in the negative and only at around 55 did I realize it was ok to be unhappy about that, to dislike the way she treated me. Not only that but to get mad on my mothers behalf as she was so emotionally cruel to her, withholding all understanding, acceptance, love, forgiveness. As I age and the problems she caused impact me more and more I think about it a lot more than when I was young. To much lately. Since she is my only family left its kind of hard not to think about and of course since she is my only family I've felt I have to keep it to myself, let it slide or wake the ice dragon. People think she's nice but her ex, me and my Mom (deceased now) know what complete cold hard person she can be.
As to whining apparently people aren't allowed to express how they feel about anything unless its a Hallmark moment. No sharing unless its positive! Such tyranny. Which I think is total mean crap. Shared experience can be, even, maybe even especially, can be both education and healing. Pain shared can be pain muted. It might be called compassion. Or empathy.
Of course not. All that made me what I am today. I grew up a latch key kid with a divorced Mom in the 1950's. My Mom also spent WWII in Germany during all the bombings, and came to the US as a war bride. She had PTSD her whole life up to her death at age 85. Learned to fend for myself at about 6 years old and it served me well. My wife says I always was a non-conformist. I had pretty good judgement and wasn't afraid of sticking with my own judgement regardless of the social pressures to conform. On the other hand I didn't grow up in a stifling social atmosphere. I spent my childhood in NYC, lived in San Francisco in high school and LA in college. I was in Catholic school the first 9 years, an academic public high school and a state university. I got a pretty good education, which is the one thing my Mom always stressed was very important.
I might have turned out lots different with a different upbringing. Spent one summer in rural Washington state. Man, those people were good people but unbelivably unsophisticated. I couldn't convince anyone that Haley Mills wasn't really twins when we saw her movie (where she played twins) at the drive-in.
Really enjoyed the 50's in NYC, the 60's in California and the 70's in New York City. Loved the sex, liquor, drugs and rock and roll. Loved the work I had as a sys admin and dba from the age of 43 until I retired at 62. Now I'm 70, retired with a wife of 44 years, 3 grown children, 6 grandkids, and a chihuahua. No regrets. I'm grateful for the life I've had to the present, and grateful for all those that gave me a hand up along the way.
These whiny threads about a third person none of us know or care about are just so much fun. That is, if your definition of "fun" is applying your forehead to the wall forcefully and repeatedly.
It's almost as if there's a hidden agenda at work...
Yup, in addition I see nothing related to retirement. Some people just want to post whatever is on their mind at the time.
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