Elder Orphans: Aging without Support (adults, dating, hubby, raise)
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Why on earth is everyone giving this guy grief over wanting to get married and have kids so he isn't alone? That is why people get married! Its perfectly normal and common.
Agree. There's nothing wrong about wanting to marry or have a family, and not wanting to live one's life alone without family support. It's not any more selfish than someone wanting to be "childfree" so they don't have to take care of anyone.
"The only thing is, you need to make sure your marriage will last and maintain good relationships with your children so that they'll be around as a support system."
I'm genuinely curious what level of "support" people are expecting from their families... Can you specify what, precisely, you think they'll actually be doing for you?
good question!
Last edited by matisse12; 08-21-2017 at 06:38 PM..
Same. I just turned 30 and this is one of the reasons why I'm looking to marry and have children.
I don't want to be old without a support system.
Your children, however, may be living 800 miles or 2000 miles away in a another state, particularly if they obtain college educations and pursue careers outside of wherever you happen to be living.
If one lives in a thriving city where jobs are fairly plentiful, it could work out that your children live where you live.
And there is always emotional support they can offer. It's just not a given with having children that they will provide the support you're seeking. And there are other options outside of having children for this purpose of having someone in the world when you are older and elderly.
Agree. There's nothing wrong about wanting to marry or have a family, and not wanting to live one's life alone without family support. It's not any more selfish than someone wanting to be "childfree" so they don't have to take care of anyone.
It is more selfish to bring children into the world just because you CAN when you might not even be fit to be a good parent. I don't want any dependents- not children and not dependent parents, and maybe I'm also not actually capable of taking care of anyone but myself.
It is more selfish to bring children into the world just because you CAN when you might not even be fit to be a good parent. I don't want any dependents- not children and not dependent parents, and maybe I'm also not actually capable of taking care of anyone but myself.
Yes, I can tell you feel strongly about this, since you suggested that particular poster to commit suicide rather than get married and have a family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
The nicer thing to do would be to just kill yourself before you become elderly instead of bringing a child into the world just because you don't want to grow old and alone. What if that child ends up growing old and alone? Oh well, sucks to be them! At least YOU got taken care of, right?
Since you don't want to care for dependent, aging parents either, do you expect anyone to care for you once you are elderly or become ill?
Most women have jobs and careers outside of the home these days. So most are not stay-at-home wives or singles able to take an aged parent or parents into their home (or apartment) and care for them.
(some elderly can live with and stay alone during the day in the home of their daughter or son, but often not or they wouldn't want to; it's still a major life change for the son/daughter)
My mother took in her father (my grandfather) into her home and let him live with my parents for 8 or 10 years. My Mom never had a job outside of her home at that point.
And before that, my mother took lots of care of her mother who lived 6 blocks away who had been in a gas explosion and was confined to a wheelchair - lots of care by my mother for many years. Her father was there all the time - but my Mom still was devoted in giving them attention.
Also sometimes an aged parent needs skilled nursing care, so keeping the aged parent in the home of a son or daughter is not feasible.
That was an era where more family members all lived in the same town. My parents and both sets of their parents all lived in the same town their entire lives.
Yes...I do think this is part of it. When my great-grandmother started needing a lot of care, my mom and the other stay-at-home women in the family took turns taking care of her in her home. They'd bring the kids if they weren't in school. Not so much an option for many people now.
We had an "elder orphan" neighbor lady who lived across the street, and a distant friend of mine was also in the same boat. True "orphans" in their 70's, both were. Both were widowed (the neighbor 20+ years already). Neither had kids, living sibs, or living parents. Both had nothing to do with any relatives for decades. Both were essentially, hermits - no real "close" friends, and they lived alone in their houses. The neighbor lady was found by the lawn mowing guy on the floor and was whisked away to "the home." She died about a year later. The distant friend of mine went (reluctantly) to a home because after a "mild" stroke, he could no longer tend his house. He left the home one day (3 months later) and was found 15 miles away, dead in his car, with his Hemlock Club box and a half empty gin bottle on the seat.
These are "elder orphans." Not pretty, uncommon too, but that's what the term is supposed to mean. Most of these posts I've read here have nothing to do with it.
We had an "elder orphan" neighbor lady who lived across the street, and a distant friend of mine was also in the same boat. True "orphans" in their 70's, both were. Both were widowed (the neighbor 20+ years already). Neither had kids, living sibs, or living parents. Both had nothing to do with any relatives for decades. Both were essentially, hermits - no real "close" friends, and they lived alone in their houses. The neighbor lady was found by the lawn mowing guy on the floor and was whisked away to "the home." She died about a year later. The distant friend of mine went (reluctantly) to a home because after a "mild" stroke, he could no longer tend his house. He left the home one day (3 months later) and was found 15 miles away, dead in his car, with his Hemlock Club box and a half empty gin bottle on the seat.
These are "elder orphans." Not pretty, uncommon too, but that's what the term is supposed to mean. Most of these posts I've read here have nothing to do with it.
not sure what you mean when you say "most of these posts I've read here have nothing to do with it"
I think they have everything to do with it, but what are you saying or why don't you think the posts in this thread have similarities with your two anecdotes?
What do you mean "that's not what the term is supposed to mean"?
The neighbor lady had a pretty typical demise. And the gentleman decided he didn't like where he was living in some type of 'home' - but it depends on what his age was and how bad was his disability from the mild stroke - it seems he could have stayed in his own home or was his disability too pronounced? - and who forced him into a nursing home or some other type of home and was he unable to take care of himself or just unable to keep house as in cleaning, etc?
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