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Somehow I don't think it always works out so perfect for everyone. "Support systems" move, die, break up etc., and several factors can hinder saving for retirement such as sickness, divorce, job downsizing. We can't always control the crap we're dealt.
Again, should then EVERYONE be included in the "Elder Orphans" group because EVERYONE "might" lose their present support group one day? Kind of ridiculous! Form your own group called "Elders Who Have Support Now But Might Not Forever Because That's Life."
I checked that out about a year ago. At that time most weren't elder orphans. Even the article mentions kids that live far away. That means you are not an elder orphan! No spouse and no kids not far away or estranged or anything else.
Exactly....those with children who ignore them are NOT elder orphans...
Exactly....those with children who ignore them are NOT elder orphans...
You presume their children can offer them some form of assistance? In know two families where the parents are still financially supporting grown "children" living apart in other states.
The bottom line is, some may have more support than others. Even if there exist a couple of relatives, it is a very insecure place to be, especially when there are no arrangements or plans made in regards to future events.
I have a close male friend, having remained friends with since we once lived together when young. He will ultimately be moving miles away to be with some family members. He has always been there and I am dreading his departure, this just adding to my sense of insecurity, having only two available relatives, knowing that could change at any time. I think those having done well financially may not be worried from one standpoint, yet may still not have emotional support.
As I believe I've read here in the past, though some have had long-term marriages and children, there may still exist a lack of security. It should not be judged how much or how little one appears to have over another - one is either experiencing insecurity in their situation or is not.
My best friend is still a former almost spouse. We were engaged and living together, but both of us have that hot button its too easy to push. We really cared about each other, but ended up mostly having arguments and fights. But when my Dad died, he was there for me completely. And his mom was only talked into moving out of the empty house this last year, and he was terribly worried about her. So was I. We're very close to each other but when we're friends, and are way too good at pushing buttons otherwise.
I'd much rather have friends like him, people who I know won't walk away, then all the great 'friends' who are around when its good for them, but you already know not to ask them for help. If us being together had worked I would have been extatic. But what we have is just as valuable. Someone is there.
When I came up with the idea of moving to OK from California, he was the *first* person I talked to about it. He was for it and he knew I was miserable out there. And when he called about his mom, how his sister and him were trying to figure out what's best for mom, he asked my opinion. I knew all of them and love his mom too. The people you need in life are those who know the real you, and even if its been years, will lend an ear, and even when great space has been put between you, the stuff which matters is not about how far but how well you can listen.
His mom went into a senior apartment, and they have help, including in their apartment if needed. She can go out anytime she wants, so she's not a 'prisoner', but if say he or his sister don't hear for too long, someone will come by and visit. And now that she's doing well and is safe, he's feeling a lot better about himself, too. But then when Dad was mentally falling apart, and only sometimes remembered who I was, later not at all, he was still my friend and there to talk. I was worried about his mom too, from the way he described the house, and was very glad for her too.
We don't 'lose' old friends, just gain more if they are true friends. And a friend will be there when you need them.
Nightbird, that was beautiful, but at my age, friends die. I had wonderful friends through out my life who are gone now. At some point, I no longer developed those kind of intimate friendships.
Also, I am the youngest in a small family. I have not had a relationship with my two older brothers, or even lived on the same side of the country as them, since we have been adults. I do not know their families.
I don't identify with the word "orphan" but I do understand being alone, even if it was/is largely a choice. My life is good but I don't fit in the box that requires me to have someone to take responsibility for me in order to get things done.
I once worked with a woman who was married had a son, daughter - was married for over 30 years. Her husband died one night when he went to sleep and never woke up. Her son developed a drug addiction and went out to Vegas never to return (she still hasn't heard from him) and her daughter married - moved up to north New York. Her husband doesn't have time for her to come down to visit her mother.
Here is a woman who had a family - kids, husband - went to church, family portraits...and now she lives alone in a one bedroom apartment. She is now a recluse and rarely I see her blinds opened.
It appears we can do what society tells us: marry and have kids - you won't be alone when you are old...ugh, no - you can and you will. She isn't old but in her late 60's. I know she has lung issues and no one to take care of her. It's sad..that's the way life can be.
Where I work, the children don't come that often or get overly involved, but when they're at death's door, they usually show up. Maybe just so they can justify the large inheritances most get?
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