Elder Orphans: Aging without Support (spouses, retired, friend, years)
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While I can understand your situation there is another side to this. In many cases an elderly person reaches a point of being totally incapacitated either physically or mentally to where they are not safe in their home. The government does not allow a known incapacitated senior to just die unassisted like that, in the same way that a toddler would not be allowed to remain alone. Either your children will be responsible or Adult Protective Services will be called, and someone will be in charge of you. Paid caregivers are NOT legally responsible. I have been in this situation and it's terrible. My mother-in-law was determined to "die at home". She reached a point of mental deterioration where she'd fire her caregivers or become so hostile they could not provide care. She lived in a rural area where the possibility of her kids living and getting a job nearby did not exist. Believe me, we wanted to honor her wishes but we were put in an impossible situation. The fact is, rarely does a person just "die in their sleep" or "their garden". With medical advances people linger in varying stages for years. This may sound brutal, but if you truly want to die like this than you need to consider whether using medical advancements is in your best interest. Diagnosed with a heart problem? Maybe surgery or that stent will lengthen your life but it can easily weaken you the point of being diaper dependent. Cancer? Same thing. And dementia or Alzheimers is a very real and sad possibility as well. I think we are so quick to accept medical care to advance our lives but we don't see the consequences on the other side. You will live but in a declining state where you won't die quickly.
Cannot speak for elsewhere, but here in New York City middle-aged and or seniors die all the time in their homes "alone". Often they lie there for several days until the stench prompts someone to call 911.
On my block alone in the past several years there have been about ten or so older persons who died in their homes "alone". Of the most recent was an elderly woman who must have fallen and hit her head; they found her in the bathroom days after she passed.
Then there was this sad story that one thinks posted about here at the time:
When I visited my new senior apartment last week one person was saying that just last week someone was found dead in their apartment and had been dead for days. People live alone, can't afford or don't want help and they die in their homes, often from a fall.
But there are laws about people who are known to be in terrible condition and not able to survive on their own. If they won't let caretakers come in, they are put into a nursing home.
So I guess you are not "allowed" to willfully die at home but if it happens unexpectedly, it will happen.
Is only your world "real"? Other people's worlds don't count? The truth in your statement would be much better expressed in this way: "Not everybody's children are in the position to just write a check or get on a plane at a moment's notice."
Yes, those whose children can do that are fortunate, and their children are fortunate too. People who post in this Retirement Forum have a wide variety of realities, and thus a wide variety of perspectives. Sneering is not required.
Do not think poster was "sneering" at all; just addressing the reality that many seem to assume just because someone has children they are "set" in their golden years.
The real world out there by the way isn't getting any rosier far as old school family values are concerned. For those that do have close family relationships and or are that tight with their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.. that the latter would drop everything and go wherever if needed; God Bless and more power to them.
OTOH for many and the numbers are increasing the idea of "family" is becoming rather nebulous.
As boomer age no small amount of all that "freedom" and "me generation" is coming home to roost. All those divorces, remarriages, deserting a spouse to "find oneself" or whatever are leaving many older persons with plenty of messy family relations. Children that still do not speak to their father because of "what he did to mom" twenty or thirty years ago. Do you really think any of those kids are going to drop everything and travel several hundred miles (or even forty) to take care of dear old dad?
My live alone senior neighbors all lived in their homes for at least 50 years... all were widows and some for 20 years.
All of us look out for each other and knew the routine... if the drapes were still drawn or the garbage was not put out of the newspaper had not been picked up it prompted a call...
As mentioned, between all of us neighbors their was at least one neighbor with a key... even if had not been used in years or ever...
Come to think of it... none of the ones that passed had any clutter... no overstuffed closets and no packed garages...
I guess they all did a good job that way...
Last edited by Ultrarunner; 08-19-2017 at 03:39 PM..
You may regret it, but if he was living alone and fell, would you be happy knowing that he died in agony with a broken hip, naked on the bathroom floor, unable to reach a phone? .
The above never needs to happen, for the vast majority of older people. There are $30 or $35 per month safety monitors that one wears around one's neck at all times on which the person wearing presses a button or talks into, and an ambulance or Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT) are sent immediately in response.
One company/brand which provides this is called Life Alert. There are also other brands. See below.
Having a medical alert worn by the older person at all times allows many to age in place and stay in their own home.
People who force their parent(s) out of their home for 'safety' concerns can use one of the above medical alert systems in a good number of cases....where possible and if conditions permit.
(knowing that it maybe wouldn't work if the person was unconscious, but some have motion detectors)
Last edited by matisse12; 08-19-2017 at 03:25 PM..
I have had several neighbors living alone at or near 100... it is amazing just how well people get on these days.
Several do have the life alert type devices but are very much alone... Webvan for groceries, taxis for doctor appointments... walker and all...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner
My live alone senior neighbors all lived in their homes for at least 50 years... all were widows and some for 20 years.
All of us looked out for each other and new the routine... if the drapes were still drawn or the garbage was not put out of the newspaper had not been picked up it prompted a call...
As mentioned between all of us neighbors their was at least one neighbor with a key... even if had not been used in years or ever...
Come to think of it... none of the ones that passed had any clutter... no overstuffed closets and no packed garages...
I have had several neighbors living alone at or near 100... it is amazing just how well people get on these days.
Several do have the life alert type devices but are very much alone... Webvan for groceries, taxis for doctor appointments... walker and all...
Good to know. I have an aunt who I think is either 90 or close to it, I'll find out when I go my cousin's son wedding. Maybe there's longevity gene in my family after all. It certainly gives me hope.
The above never needs to happen, for the vast majority of older people. There are $30 or $35 per month safety monitors that one wears around one's neck at all times on which the person wearing presses a button or talks into, and an ambulance or Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT) are sent immediately in response.
One company/brand which provides this is called Life Alert. There are also other brands. See below.
Having a medical alert worn by the older person at all times allows many to age in place and stay in their own home.
People who force their parent(s) out of their home for 'safety' concerns can use one of the above medical alert systems in a good number of cases....where possible and if conditions permit.
(knowing that it maybe wouldn't work if the person was unconscious, but some have motion detectors)
Thank you for posting these information. I meant to order some of these. But keep putting them off.
I read the George Bell story a long time ago. It seems he did have opportunities to marry when he was younger, but enjoyed being a bachelor.
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