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When we're young, we may value physical beauty. We may look at a partner and just want hottest person we can get as a partner! We may be seeking material wealth, and only want to associate ourselves with a similar point of view.
What values do you seek in a partner as a senior? What did you previously want, but no longer place high importance on? What did you formerly want, but no longer care about?
One lucky thing for those who are long-time married, I think long-term spouses often see their spouse as he or she existed when they first met or see them as they were when both of them were much younger.
I always think this is a great advantage after many years of marriage. It's something that never occurs if you meet people at age 50, 60, or 70.
Honesty with one's own self. A person can only be as honest with me as he/she is with themselves. I have learned this the hard way. If someone doesn't know themselves, they can turn on a dime and be someone else and claim to have "changed." I need a core sense of self that doesn't blow with the breeze.
Have never much paid attention to physical looks in men. No more than I do with, say, a beautiful horse in a field or for that matter, a beautiful woman. I think they have aesthetic appeal but it has little to do with attraction. Maybe it's a girly thing.
I so agree brightdoglover: "Honesty with one's own self." Also I really appreciate a person who wants to continue to learn - curiosity of the wonders of the Earth.
You ask what we value in a partner but as we age we are less likely to be seeking a partner if we have lost our spouse. But, I think that the answer would be the same if you asked what we value in a friend.
The older I get the less patience I have for phony people. I like smart people who can discuss many different topics, and I especially like people who don't take themselves too seriously. A slightly twisted sense of humor is a must because I have a dark sense of humor and I like to be around people who "get it".
I suppose if I were single and looking for a date it would be the same description.
I no longer want a partner, so I'm not sure if you'd be interested in my reasons why or not.
As a woman, when I've been involved with a man, I inevitably had more work than when I was single. Men are high maintenance. Men think they are contributing a fair amount to a relationship, but they rarely are. And if they are contributing equally or more, it's usually only a financial contribution that they are contributing - not an equal physical effort.
There is the occasional woman who finds a man who will provide maids and nannies and chefs, etc. But this is not the norm.
Plus, men will inevitably want more sex than the woman wants. So, what happens is, she has done more than her physical share of work - often working a full-time job, then expected to clean, cook, do laundry, take care of kids, compromise on what she really wants to watch on television - and then when she falls into bed exhausted - the husband will want sex. And/or he'll want sex when she wakes up. Followed by him asking her where his socks are, or what's for breakfast, or did she pick up the dry cleaning.
So, honestly, in the retirement world, it is much harder for a man to find a female partner, because the available pool of women who might be interested in him, will have shrunk enormously. When a woman is young and in love and still has the Disney idea of romance, she is more apt to fall into the overworked trap I describe above. But, once that veneer has worn off, and she's older and wiser, she's not likely to go along for the ride based on some notion of romance. By then, she knows the reality of being tired and taken for granted.
So, you really have to think more in terms of what you have to offer. If you are obese, you are obviously not an Adonis, so a woman is not going to be drawn to you purely for your good looks. So, what can you offer her that is better for her than living alone? If she lives alone, she can eat what she wants, when she wants, can sleep when she feels like it without being disturbed by snoring or a man who wants sex. She won't be expected to cook or clean, etc.
So, really, what is it that you have to offer a woman that is better for her than living alone with all of the above freedom? That's what you need to figure out.
For me, you couldn't tempt me, even if you were Adonis LOL. I love the freedom I have. I love that nobody bothers me about any extra weight. I don't have to discuss what's for dinner. I don't have to do anyone's laundry but my own.
Men overestimate their worth when it comes to traditional men's chores, too, by the way. Which entails, what, normally? Taking the garbage out? Piece of cake. Mowing the lawn once a week? Easily paid for. Chopping wood? Also, easily bought, if someone even needs this anymore. That's pretty much it. So, obviously nowhere near the realm of what women do in a household. Meaning, that the loss of a man is usually a lessening of work, as opposed to a loss of benefits.
You may dismiss me as a feminist, but if you look logically at the reality of a woman's life, you'll see that I'm right. So, how you make her life easier by being in it - is up to you.
So, honestly, in the retirement world, it is much harder for a man to find a female partner, because the available pool of women who might be interested in him, will have shrunk enormously.
That is not borne out statistically. Men of retirement age and in the older years almost always find a 2nd (or 3rd) wife after divorce or death of their wife....when they want one, and they very often do want one. While women of retirement age and in the older years do not find a new spouse after divorce or death of their husband nearly as often. (those that want a spouse)
Last edited by matisse12; 09-16-2017 at 10:38 PM..
Attraction is still number one, or we are just friends.
Of course intellect, wit, humor, honesty, morals, etc. are all high on the list. Then come compatibility issues, active, adventuresome, foodie, interest in current events, outdoor activities, financial stability, etc.
I lost my first husband at 40 (he was 43) due to poor diet, smoking and being over weight, so someone who takes care of themselves is high on my list.
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