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I've been through this with both parents. Both lived long good lives. It was a difficult time, but I tried my best to strong for them and the rest of my family.
I'm sure this sounds awful but I don't want to be there when my parents pass. I don't think I could stand it. I've been though pure hell with both of them, with their serious health issues. I am dreading another round. I would much rather they just pass in their sleep - I guess we all hope for that though.
I'm sure this sounds awful but I don't want to be there when my parents pass. I don't think I could stand it. I've been though pure hell with both of them, with their serious health issues. I am dreading another round. I would much rather they just pass in their sleep - I guess we all hope for that though.
Understood. Watching someone die slowly is something you will never forget - worse when it is someone you love.
Mom: Died out of state in a car accident
Dad: My son was having a quad bypass in the same hospital. After the operation was over, I walked to dad's room to see how he was doing. My sister met me in the hallway and told me the news.
Hard to believe mom has been gone for 17 years in August and dad 8 years in April.
Lost my MIL this morning. After a 36 hour vigil at the hospital, husband sent me home to get a few hours sleep and, as fate often has it, she passed away minutes after I left. I felt like crap that I wasn't there to support him at that time, but we had been told over and over that it would be any minute, and he finally sent me home to rest, so I could come back later and he could take a rest.
She had become such a big part of our lives these last ten years after FIL died. We were her main support system and she had lived with us for a few years and we moved her with us to Tennessee. There's going to be big hole in our hearts and it's going to be very strange. Some days she drove us CRAZY, but what're you gonna do, right? We'll miss you Flo'.
Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.
I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.
But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.
I was not shocked when my mother passed. She had Parkinson's for 15 years and was in bad shape. I was with her the last few weeks of her life and was there at home hospice when she took her last breath and was holding her hand. i knew her suffering was over and she had expressed thru others how she did not want to live that way so it was less hard to accept. She was a month short of turning 80 when she passed.
Many condolences. I wasn't present when my parents died (in their sleep) but was very much engaged in their passing. Sometimes it is a very long goodbye, as with my mom. Sometimes it is just a couple days or less. It is extremely hard, especially if you are having to make decisions on their behalf.
The Late Orphan Project is a concept developed by writer Ann Born (Backpack Press) which has published two small books on the topic of adult orphans. We have a lifetime of feelings and experiences that suddenly, or slowly, come out when we lose our parents. You might find some of the essays reflective of your own feelings. Some are entertaining and some are troublesome. There are all sorts of parents and all sorts of parental (and sibling) relationships. I have an essay in the first book (full disclosure) written twenty years after my parents died but most of the essays are of more recent loss. We go through some very common experiences of loss but in our own way -- we essentially do it alone. I'm a great believer that writing about loss can help us to get over the pain. The Late Orphan Project is on Facebook and also can be found via Google. I think the books are on Kindle (Amazon).
My dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack. 10 years later my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I remember saying to my sister, why couldn't she go like dad. She lasted 3 weeks and I went to Chicago to take care of her. It was wonderful. When she was still lucid we laughed and reminisced. As she slipped into a coma we kept her at home and I handled all her needs. Hospice was great about checking in on us and giving us advice. The evening she died it was just her and her 4 kids sitting in the bedroom with her. My sisters and I walked out with the undertaker to watch her placed in the van. We did this because we always told her she would never leave that house before she died. Even though she talked about moving back to Wisconsin she never did. Although we buried her in Wisconsin.
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