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If you can't say no, and some people's cultures make it impossible to say no, then move to a much smaller place. That way there won't be any room for them to move in with you.
I have known people who worked hard, saved, planned. Their relatives didn't, and were always coming to them for money. So they up and moved 3000 miles away, to get away from the relatives.
More than one of my wife's siblings has indicated they want/expect to move in with my wife and I as we approach and enter retirement. They will all be entering retirement dead broke. My wife's response is that she wants to move to Thailand and volunteer in an Elephant Rescue to get away from her family, their constant using of her and emotional toil they dump on her (us). I reminded my wife that she does not like Thai food, but she said she didn't care about that.
Anyone else have this or similar situation? We can't be the only ones faced with a duty to self and duty to dysfunctional 'family' dilemma.
We live three hours away but fear that isn't far enough. I countered Thailand with a Red Deer preserve in New Zealand.
One word. No. No IS a complete sentence.
I'm not near retirement, but I moved away from family on purpose. I couldn't deal with the life sucking leaches anymore. Amazing how a little distances changes things! And now I have an excuse for just about everything....Oh I can't go to that event because I live x number of hours away, have to work, and have to take care of my elderly, sickly dogs. So sorry....not really!
More than one of my wife's siblings has indicated they want/expect to move in with my wife and I as we approach and enter retirement. They will all be entering retirement dead broke. My wife's response is that she wants to move to Thailand and volunteer in an Elephant Rescue to get away from her family, their constant using of her and emotional toil they dump on her (us). I reminded my wife that she does not like Thai food, but she said she didn't care about that.
Anyone else have this or similar situation? We can't be the only ones faced with a duty to self and duty to dysfunctional 'family' dilemma.
We live three hours away but fear that isn't far enough. I countered Thailand with a Red Deer preserve in New Zealand.
Tell them you want to renew your relationship together and live a quiet life. Suggest that maybe they can find a place together elsewhere.
It will be difficult but you can do it. Be strong for your wife. Let them blame you. She sounds like she needs to be protected.
We have a timeshare and get a wonderful vacation every year. Several people have hinted that they wouldn't mind going with us. My answer to them is that we like to get away and vacation alone and when you have company there is no time for you to rest.
I just want to say that no one in our families has tried to or ever mentioned moving in with us in retirement. I have never known of any cases like what the OP describes.
I do acknowledge that it might be hard knowing how to deal with family members who need financial help.
That is the most accurate assessment of the opinions expressed. We have not allowed ourselves to become doormats. We are tired of the continually expressed opinion that somehow 'we owe them' because we haven't squandered all our opportunities.
Two stories come to mind:
The Parable of the Talents in the Bible
The children's story of The Little Red Hen.
I see The Little Red Hen as the most appropriate for this situation. We have already decided we will be the Little Red Hen and her Rooster!
So apparently Ourselves, Lodestar, and a couple of Lodestar's friends are the only ones who have to endure this. Or a lot of others are simply keeping their fingers off their keyboards. I am guessing the second sentence is the most accurate.
The issue here is not the idea that siblings asked, its the fact that they CONTINUALLY express that opinion. That issue is entirely on the OP. I have never had someone continually ask me something if I said no the first time....and meant it. I think the OP and/or his wife just havent expressed this to the siblings. If they had of, there would be no "continual" asking.
I have a sib who has proffered the idea that we purchase homes near to one another but not outright moving in and freeloading on someone. Buying homes to be close to family is very reasonable IMHO, though I wouldn't do it personally.
I have a sib who has proffered the idea that we purchase homes near to one another but not outright moving in and freeloading on someone. Buying homes to be close to family is very reasonable IMHO, though I wouldn't do it personally.
You couldn't pay me to live close to family! Far too much drama and demands! I now live 3 hours away...far enough away where we're no longer bugged about every little thing. Far enough away where we don't have to attend every little function. Close enough that we can be there for true emergencies.
You couldn't pay me to live close to family! Far too much drama and demands! I now live 3 hours away...far enough away where we're no longer bugged about every little thing. Far enough away where we don't have to attend every little function. Close enough that we can be there for true emergencies.
We lived next door to my aunt and uncle until I was about 11.
That experience was instrumental in forming certain lifelong likes and dislikes, and not in a good way.
I'm wondering why the relatives set your retirement as their "move in" date. Why then? If they were serious, I'd think they'd have moved in before this. I think they're yanking your chain. Just sayin'.
Once you're retired you can wait on your "guests" hand and foot all day and all night.
We have relatives who occasionally need some help paying for groceries or incidentals, but they've never tried to move in with us. They did, however, move in with each other and pooled their resources. As a result, the requests for assistance have decreased a lot. You might consider telling your wife's relatives point blank they are NOT moving in with you, but they should consider moving in with each other.
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