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Have my work cut out for me. A lot to do and I've really gotten lazy. Need to build up strength, both physically and mentally. I've been in a slump for way too long...... depression probably. I really need this change.
Depression is not lazy, don't do that to yourself. Build your vision with your visit to Burnsville and/or online research, if you haven't finished with that. Look up reviews for doctors, look for a supermarket, look at pictures. Read restaurant reviews for the sheer pleasure of becoming familiar with business, even if you won't be using them. Look up anything, including old threads, to make it more familiar. It's not the knowledge as much as what happens, or did for me- I started to subconsciously create distance between me and my current place and feel like I was attentive and moving to the new place.
Yes, if in a low mood, the familiar is certainly reassuring, if nothing else. No need to shock the system more than is necessary. Fear of failure, in this case, where OP cannot "fail" as happened in Texas, I think can be "fear of failing at feeling any different." It's the forked tongue of depression, and I know it well. Best wishes and keep posting.
Re-invent yourself. I've done it a couple of times, and it's refreshing.
Over the years you fall into a kind of persona, which is partly imposed on you by your acquaintances and reinforced by their expectations of you. You don't always like whom you have become, you will have some bad habits, undesirable social attitudes, etc.
Go away to where nobody knows you, re-evaluate yourself, and become the person you really want to be and feel comfortable with. The only person who will notice the change is yourself.
So true. When you push that deep inner change/transformation if you want to call it that, you become more connected to your deepest self, which brings you strength. I've done it more than a few times and might even have a few more re-inventions left!
So true. When you push that deep inner change/transformation if you want to call it that, you become more connected to your deepest self, which brings you strength. I've done it more than a few times and might even have a few more re-inventions left!
Very true. I can classify my life by those changes, like chapters in a book. Except every time of great change redefines the rules, and feels like a fresh start. As we got along thru life, we find new things and ideas and old things wear out, and comes a day you can't lie to yourself anymore that things are okay because while you go through the motions, it doesn't really matter anymore. Then comes opening a new door, with new options and ways to grow, and how we keep life fresh and interesting.
Change can be exciting and stimulating too, especially for those who seek it, but its also can be fearful, for for some, a bad now is safer than an uncertain tomorrow. I remember from a story, I think, the statement that Take a Chance are the most powerful phase one can embrase.
Ten years into my move, I'm trying to figure out the next leap, one a little more tricky since I don't want to lose the gains, just make them better. But I still miss some of what got left, the sorts of people I like close. They are there, even here. Just got to figure out how to find them.
Depression is not lazy, don't do that to yourself. Build your vision with your visit to Burnsville and/or online research, if you haven't finished with that. Look up reviews for doctors, look for a supermarket, look at pictures. Read restaurant reviews for the sheer pleasure of becoming familiar with business, even if you won't be using them. Look up anything, including old threads, to make it more familiar. It's not the knowledge as much as what happens, or did for me- I started to subconsciously create distance between me and my current place and feel like I was attentive and moving to the new place.
Yes, if in a low mood, the familiar is certainly reassuring, if nothing else. No need to shock the system more than is necessary. Fear of failure, in this case, where OP cannot "fail" as happened in Texas, I think can be "fear of failing at feeling any different." It's the forked tongue of depression, and I know it well. Best wishes and keep posting.
When I was considering if I should move out of California, I told no one. But I was looking up everything I could. I'd met someone online who lived in a small town and had described exactly what I wanted. And we'd met. Our second convention I did the regrestration system, so I was planning to go out to Oklahoma a week or so early and we talked about me looking around at housing. I was pretty much certain that I wanted OUT of my apartment before the tweekers completely took over. I didn't really have valuable things, but they'd steal anything. I also had two dogs, and nobody tried to get into my apartment. But I was done with dealing with that.
I'd called the real estate person and we had plans for me to look at it. I'd even spoken to my inlaws for help on the money. They would help. So I took the trip to OK looking forward to the convention and meeting people I'd met at the last one, but also getting away from all the old baggage.
Short story, I loved it, and it was agreed upon at a good price and I loved the convention because a few months later I'd be packing to move to my house.
But I'd looked up lots of things before. And that someone from Florida could find happiness there was a good reference. And it is and was just what I wanted. And it was a blank space I could fix up however I wanted without asking for permission to paint and such. But as soon as we got a yes on the offer, everything felt different. I was so tired of the mess my apartment was turning into. The buyers of it were dissapointed they couldn't make it condos and were letting it fall apart. I had stuff stolen from my apartment. The day I left couldn't be any too soon.
When I got here, it looked much as expected. Its not perfect, but fixable and solid and just big enough. and I didn't even care if it was perfect. It's my project to make it just right, but I love doing that. But I'd already dreamed about that and couldn't wait to get started.
I was lucky to have a friend who came from suburban Florida who liked the feel of the place and hadn't lived in a small town before, so its helped that they liked the choice. But I had long before grown tired of the busy feeling of where I'd lived, and quiet, slow and peaceful was my entire goal. And its been a success, too.
What really helped for me was looking up all the information I could find on the town, and posting questions here, and getting all the information I could about the area. It really helped that my 'sources' were from a large city as well. And I started thinking of it as an adventure, with the prize a home to call my own. And as things before had not always been so happy, as a divider of sorts where I could start again.
Until I actually got here, I wouldn't have said I'm ready to move in, but if it wasn't here, it would still be somewhere else. Moving can be a great trial, or it can be a great adventure. Its a chance for growth to, and finding new options. But be realistic that it may not be perfect, and will take some sort of adjustment, but as a new place where you don't have any old shadows its also a chance to let go the old and remake the new.
When I was considering if I should move out of California, I told no one. But I was looking up everything I could. I'd met someone online who lived in a small town and had described exactly what I wanted. And we'd met. Our second convention I did the regrestration system, so I was planning to go out to Oklahoma a week or so early and we talked about me looking around at housing. I was pretty much certain that I wanted OUT of my apartment before the tweekers completely took over. I didn't really have valuable things, but they'd steal anything. I also had two dogs, and nobody tried to get into my apartment. But I was done with dealing with that.
I'd called the real estate person and we had plans for me to look at it. I'd even spoken to my inlaws for help on the money. They would help. So I took the trip to OK looking forward to the convention and meeting people I'd met at the last one, but also getting away from all the old baggage.
Short story, I loved it, and it was agreed upon at a good price and I loved the convention because a few months later I'd be packing to move to my house.
But I'd looked up lots of things before. And that someone from Florida could find happiness there was a good reference. And it is and was just what I wanted. And it was a blank space I could fix up however I wanted without asking for permission to paint and such. But as soon as we got a yes on the offer, everything felt different. I was so tired of the mess my apartment was turning into. The buyers of it were dissapointed they couldn't make it condos and were letting it fall apart. I had stuff stolen from my apartment. The day I left couldn't be any too soon.
When I got here, it looked much as expected. Its not perfect, but fixable and solid and just big enough. and I didn't even care if it was perfect. It's my project to make it just right, but I love doing that. But I'd already dreamed about that and couldn't wait to get started.
I was lucky to have a friend who came from suburban Florida who liked the feel of the place and hadn't lived in a small town before, so its helped that they liked the choice. But I had long before grown tired of the busy feeling of where I'd lived, and quiet, slow and peaceful was my entire goal. And its been a success, too.
What really helped for me was looking up all the information I could find on the town, and posting questions here, and getting all the information I could about the area. It really helped that my 'sources' were from a large city as well. And I started thinking of it as an adventure, with the prize a home to call my own. And as things before had not always been so happy, as a divider of sorts where I could start again.
Until I actually got here, I wouldn't have said I'm ready to move in, but if it wasn't here, it would still be somewhere else. Moving can be a great trial, or it can be a great adventure. Its a chance for growth to, and finding new options. But be realistic that it may not be perfect, and will take some sort of adjustment, but as a new place where you don't have any old shadows its also a chance to let go the old and remake the new.
What a very encouraging and informative post! thank you
I suppose, but its not so much that for me. My favorite place is a science fiction convention. There are people from teens to us 'oldseters', and things of interest to all. In the evening there are lots of room parties, and you meet people of all ages. And the thing they share is we all love science fiction, and want to spend some time inside its world.
I'm not good at 'social', but went to the con in Oklahoma City a while ago, and didn't know a soul. But I had a blast. The parties were good and I volunteered like I always do. The same cool feeling was there as any of the ones in California or the others I've been to elsewhere. I ended up invited to the wrap party. If I'd been closer I was invited to help out with the next years con. I learned early that if you volunteer its even more fun. I was even on the committee for our Jericho convention.
Thing is, I have pets. If I could just get a sitter, but I don't know anyone. I'd save the money to attend. We all have someplace we feel fully a part of and fandom is it for me. And I haven't had the Nightbird outfit on for some time......
I have been planning to move from Illinois to Florida or another state for many years,
after I retired, especially, a few years ago. I have the money saved and a mortgage
approval but am afraid of moving there alone as a senior single where I know no one at all. I have no one
special at home. or in my life.I worry about finding new doctors and establishing myself in a condo and a whole new city, though I have visited the area many times. Done much research on the internet.
I also have a serious health concern (no disease yet) and have low energy to get things done.
Just thinking about leaving this mediocre apartment building after decades makes me very very nervous.
How can I motivate myself to do this? It was always my dream to move to a sunny area where nature is scenic instead of the blah weather and environs.
There's plenty of places that offer furnished apartments on a monthly basis, the Carolina's & Florida are just some of them. If you can afford to do it; check out a few cities, towns and states and make sure you are close to a hospital so you can monitor your health. I moved to Wisconsin 5 years ago with my 4 year old, and a daughter away at school, not having anyone else here. It was nerve wrecking and exciting at the same time. I never thought I'd be starting over in my mid 40s but I'm glad I did it! However, I do admit I hate the winters, they can be long and unforgiving. Eventually, I'll just spend my winters in the Carolina's when the little one is off to college. At least, that's the plan today! Change is scary but it can also be exciting!
I have 5 years, but am in your boat. I will be over 60 (by a lot), no family or friends. (All online and at work)
Here's my plan. You said you had $$ for loan, so pack your stuff in Pods, all except clothes/necessities, send to Florida and store for 3 months.
Look for independent living facilities (on line), like holiday touch, make contact. https://www.aplaceformom.com/ is a good place to start. Most do not mandate anything but monthly. Go to Florida and move in. Buy some nice furniture (bed and chair and TV) and relax for a month. Enjoy pool, walk around, etc. Uber vacation. You will feel better.
Month 2, start looking for your house. You may find one or you may find you like living in an independent facility (someone else to cook and clean...hmmm) I am looking in the villages. They have like 2000 different clubs and take up 3 zip codes, so if I can't find something...
Buy and have your stuff delivered, take the entire 3rd month to unpack.
Re-invent yourself. I've done it a couple of times, and it's refreshing.
Over the years you fall into a kind of persona, which is partly imposed on you by your acquaintances and reinforced by their expectations of you. You don't always like whom you have become, you will have some bad habits, undesirable social attitudes, etc.
Go away to where nobody knows you, re-evaluate yourself, and become the person you really want to be and feel comfortable with. The only person who will notice the change is yourself.
I love this!
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