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What would you do if you had a kid who opted out of college for 7 or 8 years, supported themselves for those years, and decided to do college in their mid-20's? Not everybody is ready for college at 18.
I've got one doing that now. They did pretty well in high school (honors and advanced classes, debate team, etc.) but it didn't click for college.
They stopped after 3 or 4 years of mediocrity and major changes. Went to work and supported themselves in the college town.
Now they've been back at it with a plan and they were already on the Chancellors List last semester.
I am still paying the parent loan on the first attempt. It warms my heart that my young adult is paying their own way to finish the degree up.
bobby is like that. his son, his sons girlfriend, and her 2 kids live with us. His son is trying to stay off drugs, they don't work. I have become attached to the boys, but his son and girlfriend refused to shelter in place no matter how much we beg them. bobby refuses to put his foot down. And with this coronavirus, that scares me. i don't know what to do because it is the first time the boys have been in a loving home.
I had a neighbor like that. She went to Costco every week, & spent at least $200 on food & supplies for one child, & made the car payment for the other one. I thought it was crazy, it was as if she couldn't cut the apron strings.
My FIL is guilty of this with the Grandsons. Father died unexpectedly, and Grandpa has since been pouring money into the Wife and kids pockets. He has funded over $250k in college tuition, paid for food and housing.....no Christmas or birthday card or call, just call for more money when needed. We (Wife and I), in the beginning were getting calls to pay thier Cable Bill, we refused and helped with Shop and Stop Gift Cards instead.....gotta eat, right. They all worked, but partied all the money away......dead of Winter would rent a local Hilton Hotel Suite to use thier pool and room service and Bar tab, then cry they can't pay rent or bills.....sickening. Grandpa is 84 and can do without this, but his money to spend as he wants, but kills us when he says he can't afford to go on his yearly Cruise.
Parents/grandparents think they are buying their kids' loyalty in later years when they will need their help, when the sad truth is that kids who would sink low enough to bleed their parents/grandparents dry will be the first to stab them in the back when the oldsters need them.
We help our adult daughter occasionally. She’s college educated and has a well paid job in the insurance industry. The situation here is that living in California is so expensive that even middle class wage earners struggle.
Even an old 60’s or 70’s single story 1300 square foot house sells for 600,000 to one million dollars depending on the neighborhood. I don’t know anyone in our age group that hasn’t helped out their kids with home down payments or other things.
My brother and his wife consider me a moocher. My mother has helped me financially and bought me a used car when I was back home several years ago because mine was repossessed when I lost my job in 2008. I have repeatedly offered to pay my mother back for the money and the car, now that I can, and since this brother is keeper of the money, I have also offered for her to take me out of her will when she dies (can you see the s**tstorm coming then!?!). Her response to me is, "It's my money and I'll do what I damn well please with it."
OK, then, it's sort of annoying to me to not be able to pay her back and of course, my brother has no idea I'm in a position now and have offered to do that and was turned down. I also feel like I'm getting charity from my mother. But as the many decisions my parents made when I was younger are some of the reasons I'm struggling now, I think my mom may simply feel guilty about what I've gone through and this is her way of trying to apologize.
Whatever, I've offered to repay my mom twice now and have been told not to worry about it, so I just need to suck that up and continue to let my brother and his wife call me a moocher.
I'm just reminding you guys that many stories have two sides to them.
Since brother is keeper of her money, why don't you pay your mom back through your brother, and tell ehr after the fact? Seems that would solve the "moocher" label.
DH and I never had this problem as none of his kids thought we had any money. Frugal living pays off.
I am thinking ahead to when the GK's (his) go to college, if they need help, would I give it? Normally the answer would be yes, with conditions. However one family has a parent (my stepkid) who has spent the last several years blowing all kinds of money on a "hobby" or interest or whatever you want to call it. I'm not even sure how they afford it. If I gave their kids money for college, I would in essence be subsidizing their stupid choices.
My daughter and her live-in bf both just got laid off from restaurants. I told her that if she needs food money to let me know. She laughed and said no. The bf is a chef at a high-end restaurant, and he was told to take food home, so they've got all sorts of fancy food in their freezer. She said bills are paid and he will get unemployment, although she won't because she was only at her job about a month after a temporary teaching job ended. But now she has time to work on her dissertation.
I have two adult (50 and 53) brothers who live with my mother. My mother is happy to have them there because that means she can stay in her own home. One brother has a heart condition, but he works as a painter and landscaper and takes care of the house and yard and makes her breakfast in the morning. The other has a bad spine, but he cooks dinner for my mother and does the laundry and makes her sandwiches on dialysis days to take with her. It kind of works out for all of them. The working one will buy some food, but overall they are living in the house for free so all it's really costing her besides food is the extra electricity, water, etc., that their presence requires, and she gets to stay in her own home rather than go to an assisted living or nursing home. It is a large house, 6 BR, 3 BA, and she doesn't have to pay property taxes because she is the widow of a 100% DAV.
But God help my sisters and me when my mother is gone because none of us are going to want to have them in our houses! We love them because they are our baby brothers, but both of them are a little...different. In two different ways.
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