Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have friends and a sister who have had health issues and have made poor financial and lifestyle choices. I am not able to solve all of their issues and certainly cannot financially support them. We have made some significant contributions but only to help on a limited basis.
Make sure you investigate his healthcare and other options in Germany. They usually have better than what we have and it's available to everyone. They also take better care of the poor and the elderly than we do here.
Having lived in Germany and having used their health services, I will just say the German programs brief well, but you really want to be known as privately insured or a cash customer...
Ansible90: "Seems your info is pretty spotty. Does your wife know more about where he lives and what his financial situation is? How did you even find out he was in the hospital in Germany? How would they have found his ex-wife as next of kin?"...
More good questions. He had just arrived in Germany from Scotland, took a very short term lease as he was going to stay a couple of weeks then go to France for the remainder of the winter. He travels a LOT. He called us after he got there in Germany, and let us know he was losing weight, and didn't feel that great. He seemed in good spirits, and my wife asked him to go to a clinic. When he went to the clinic, they did some tests, and didn't like the results and checked him into a hospital. He called us when he was checked in. The hospital doesn't know anything about us; it was a back and forth between us and him.
We will try with the family once we know what the situation is. He has basically shut down communications with us (not a good sign). Good idea about the embassy; that is now in our toolkit.
Funny how situations demand solutions. I just discovered the 'Google Translator' app for our phones, and loaded it into both phones. I have programmed phrases for the most needed communications into a phrase book, and it looks like it works pretty well. Enough for her to communicate her needs once she gets to the hospital, and good enough for me to call the hospital for status once she is in-route.
Ansible90: "Seems your info is pretty spotty. Does your wife know more about where he lives and what his financial situation is? How did you even find out he was in the hospital in Germany? How would they have found his ex-wife as next of kin?"...
More good questions. He had just arrived in Germany from Scotland, took a very short term lease as he was going to stay a couple of weeks then go to France for the remainder of the winter. He travels a LOT. He called us after he got there in Germany, and let us know he was losing weight, and didn't feel that great. He seemed in good spirits, and my wife asked him to go to a clinic. When he went to the clinic, they did some tests, and didn't like the results and checked him into a hospital. He called us when he was checked in. The hospital doesn't know anything about us; it was a back and forth between us and him.
We will try with the family once we know what the situation is. He has basically shut down communications with us (not a good sign). Good idea about the embassy; that is now in our toolkit.
Funny how situations demand solutions. I just discovered the 'Google Translator' app for our phones, and loaded it into both phones. I have programmed phrases for the most needed communications into a phrase book, and it looks like it works pretty well. Enough for her to communicate her needs once she gets to the hospital, and good enough for me to call the hospital for status once she is in-route.
I don't understand. Your friend needs help but why are you revamping your retirement plans?
-- Are you already retired? Just retired?
-- IF you have "plenty" (subjective, of course) of savings, or enough "financial cushion" then certainly you should have to revamp your plans.
Just decide how much money you're willing to (or can afford) to spend on helping him. That's all.
The situation is new an in flux so clearly there aren't a lot of answers yet. It's mostly planning and a learning curve right now.
-- Clearly your (wife's) plane tickets have cost money.
-- The friend was due to return after winter -- so might he already have a ticket and just need a change of date and flight? (which will cost money, but perhaps not the cost of an entire new ticket)
COULD he -- at 80 -- just have been severely dehydrated? I sure hope you and your wife didn't spend a couple of thousand bucks to get her over there and by the time she gets there....they'll say. OK he's much better. We just needed to get some fluids into him.
Quote:
He had just arrived in Germany from Scotland, took a very short term lease as he was going to stay a couple of weeks then go to France for the remainder of the winter.
So how long has he been in the hospital -- and will when he get out. Unless he's been in there a week, and will stay another week his lease shouldn't be up already.
Also, tread carefully. The more involved YOU become, the LESS likely his family may feel the need to help. They already haven't shown much interest.
As soon as possible find out if he as a POA already named.
This case is a reminder to us all....God forbid we get sick, perhaps really life-threateningly ill while traveling or living abroad....even more so if we're alone.
OP, I think you are jumping the gun. This is someone healthy enough to be traveling independently just a week or two ago. There is no reason to suddenly be thinking you need to donate your retirement saving to taking care of him ?indefinitely. If he has enough money to be traveling and living in multiple European countries, and family you are trying to contact, it seems like there are potentially other resources to be helping here.
It is wonderful you are considering flying out to assist during a possible illness. But once the dust clears, time for someone to pull on his big boy pants and reassess his carefree lifestyle.
-- Are you already retired? Just retired?
-- IF you have "plenty" (subjective, of course) of savings, or enough "financial cushion" then certainly you should have to revamp your plans.
Just decide how much money you're willing to (or can afford) to spend on helping him. That's all.
The situation is new an in flux so clearly there aren't a lot of answers yet. It's mostly planning and a learning curve right now.
-- Clearly your (wife's) plane tickets have cost money.
-- The friend was due to return after winter -- so might he already have a ticket and just need a change of date and flight? (which will cost money, but perhaps not the cost of an entire new ticket)
COULD he -- at 80 -- just have been severely dehydrated? I sure hope you and your wife didn't spend a couple of thousand bucks to get her over there and by the time she gets there....they'll say. OK he's much better. We just needed to get some fluids into him.
So how long has he been in the hospital -- and will when he get out. Unless he's been in there a week, and will stay another week his lease shouldn't be up already.
Also, tread carefully. The more involved YOU become, the LESS likely his family may feel the need to help. They already haven't shown much interest.
As soon as possible find out if he as a POA already named.
This case is a reminder to us all....God forbid we get sick, perhaps really life-threateningly ill while traveling or living abroad....even more so if we're alone.
Thanks, I needed that answer. All these responses help.
Just retired last Dec 27th; this happens to be the critical time that I budgeted to let my SS grow for a couple of years. We're OK, but not rich by any stretch. We do have a stash of cash that is being used to build a retirement home, and could be tapped into to help him. It just wasn't budgeted...
He has been there for two weeks now, and we don't know what is going on other than he seems to be getting weaker, and communication is slowing down. There hasn't been a release date set, and we don't know what is going on, but his apartment there is only available until 3/7, so a lot has to happen to get him ready to travel. We already told him via email that we would offer to have him come here to recover, and he seemed relieved, but we impressed on him he needs an exit strategy, or we won't be able to help for long.
Your point about treading carefully is greatly appreciated.
Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone that responded!
All I know is if my "DW" jeopardized my/our savings, retirement or many years of careful planning for an ex, she'd soon be my ex.
Family is one thing, ex-spouses???....don't think so. What's next, you have to "un-retire" and get a job to help him out? What happens if you or your wife (or a family member) has an unexpected illness, accident or setback and the money you blew on him could have been used for that?
- IF you have "plenty" (subjective, of course) of savings, or enough "financial cushion" then certainly you should have to revamp your plans.
Sorry, dropped word in post #15....
That should be certainly you should NOT have to revamp your plans.
Obviously one key issue is his medical condition. And again find out about him having named a POA.
I'd caution against actually having him stay with you.
1) That lessens the chances his family will help him.
2) In many cities if a person stays with you for more than 30 days -- technically/legally -- YOUR home becomes there "residence" -- and if they won't leave, you have to legally evict them.
I'd try HIS relatives again.
MAYBE, if you can get him back here (and they don't have to pay for going to Germany and getting him back here)....and all he needs is a place to recover -- on this own -- meaning not to much care-taking on their part....they might let him stay with them once he gets back.
ALSO -- you say he was only going to Europe for the winter. Soooooo, does he have NO PLACE, no home or apartment here in the states to come back to?
-- What was he planning to do when he came back after the winter? Where was he going to live then?
THAT part doesn't have to change...if he had money for getting an apartment when he came back -- he still has that resource available to find a place.
He's GOT to have some financial resources if he's traveling around Europe.
I'm not saying help him from a far, or get him back here and drop him at the bus depot.
Just cautioning you about your spending, and to be judicious -- and to think two-three steps ahead -- about how -- and how much you can help, without getting so involved you CAN'T step back. Once you take on certain helper roles......it can be VERY, very VERY hard to step back.
Please keep us posted.
Last edited by selhars; 02-28-2018 at 04:43 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
