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Like someone said...harder to make these decisions as we get older. The real idea of hubby and me moving in with the youngest and wife and two adorable grandkids is on the table again.
Some good thoughts are:
We want to move from where we are but not far away for most of the time.
It would not cost much for them and us to fix their house to accommodate us and we would have private space.
We have all lived together before and see them once a week...and lots of love felt by all of us.
We could rent our house for awhile and then escape back to it. I know all the stuff about renting.
We could sell and get a real cool vacation place for the whole family...maybe Air bnb.
I would have full reign of the yard and landscaping as I would wish.
They both work and we would have full reign of the house all day if we want.
We do have some health issues so who knows how long we are going to want to be so independent.
Already discussed what if as we get older and maybe our needs.
And then there's this:
Probably lots of babysitting...
I'm 71 and retired. Everything you've listed is about YOU. What about the KIDS? I know I wouldn't have wanted my parents having "full reign" of my house all day while I worked. If I provided an apartment out back, I'd expect them to use that and only the main house when we were there and then only when invited. We are extremely close to our kids too. We live in a senior community close to them and see them regularly either here or there. They can swim in one of our community pools with us. BUT there is no way I would EVER consider living on top of them, and I'm grateful that none of our own parents EVER did either. I grew up with kids whose grandparents lived with them and every one of them hated it.
I think it’s a terrible idea. I am not expecting our kids to take care of us when we need help. It’s a great way to strain the relationship and I wouldn’t want to be a built in babysitter.
From the other side of the situation: my MIL lives with us. She is not a babysitter... honestly, she spoils the kids (lets them watch too much tv, makes them special food if they don't like what's for dinner, etc.). It's a grandmother's right, but it drives me nuts and we have to work to limit it so that our kids don't turn into entitled punks and so she doesn't allow herself to be treated that way.
That said, her presence in the house adds a new dynamic. For the most part she does her own thing, but yes, if I have an afternoon meeting that runs late, it's nice that she is home when the bus comes. She does not really have private space, but she has her own 1st floor bed and bath and spends most of her time there. There are lots of naysayers, and there are some relationship dynamics that could make it a nightmare, but for us it is working so I thought I would pop in with some positive experience.
What you listed is all pluses for the move. I would keep your home and rent it for at least a year to see if you want to move back.
I am assuming the kids list would be pluses as your is.
The problem with your question is that this arrangement may not work for 90% of the people on this board but if it works for you then that is all that matters.
I assume your finances are ok so I would think along the lines of a fixed weekly or monthly payment for your share of the household expenses. Just trying to avoid any financial problems in the future. If they do not want the money maybe you could put the money in their IRA's or a 529 plan for the kids college. To help with college financial aid applications check to see if the 529 plan should be in your name or your Childs. Probably your name.
Not something I'd do, but few years ago I ran into a former colleague who had bought a giant house with 2 kitchens. He and his wife lived there with their 2 grown daughters, their sons-in-law and their grandchildren. He was very happy. I should mention, though that they were maybe in their late 50s/early 60s. I'm not sure how that will evolve if either or both of the parents need extensive caregiving. Based on some of what's already been posted, you need to resolve:
1. How expenses will be shared, both day-to-day and major repairs such as replacement of a furnace or a roof.
2. How work will be shared- yard work, cleaning, cooking, etc.
3. You mentioned lots of babysitting- is there an expectation that you'll have child care responsibilities while parents work FT? If so, are you OK with that, both the time and the work involved? I'm 66 and am in very good shape (rode my bicycle 55 miles over 3 days a couple of weeks ago) but excursions with my 2 granddaughters, aged 5 and 2.5, leave me worn out!
4. What's the plan if you or your spouse develop health problems and need extensive caregiving?
6. What spaces will be private for each of you, with the others allowed "by invitation only"?
And I'd rent out your place till you're sure the arrangement is working.
Have your kids even offered to let you move in, or is this a plan you came up with by yourselves? If so, I wouldn't take it any further before running it past them and finding out what THEY think about it.
Neither of us would ever force ourselves on our son and his family against their wishes, just because we could be a "live-in babysitter".
The older I get the further away I want to move....
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