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I don't let the actions of others influence the way I live or influence my future plans. My wife and I do what we want, not what others may want us to do. I'm retired military, including six years in the Marine Corps, and retired LE. I have absolutely no problem saying no and making it stick.
People like the BIL expect others to come to their rescue in even the smallest things because people (nearly always family members) continue to do so. Stop the coddling and he will learn to do things for himself. If your wife won't stop coddling him, he will continue to be the albatross he has become. The real problem is the enabler(s). They need to grow a spine and learn to say "no" or "figure it out yourself." And then they need to stick to it despite the backlash that will surely ensue.
There will be a few unpleasant days or weeks of testing the new boundaries. Unless he is crazy, the BIL will eventually give up, either figuring out his own problems or finding another sucker. Either way, sticking to your boundaries will set you free.
There was a certain girl who would call her brother-in-law to ask him questions about things. He would answer her questions and she would thank him and the phone call would end. This went on for some time (years). After weeks of not getting regular calls from the sister-in-law, the BIL commented to his wife on this, wondering why the change of events. His wife listened, and on her own, looked into it later. She found that her sister heard of her beloved BIL's complaints of always having to "hold his SIL's hand".
…...maybe.....
You and your wife are enablers. The "deadbeat" siblings keep calling because you answer their questions. Who's the real fool here?????
Your answer to the question of "Are there any Holloween events in my city?" Should have been, "I don't know. I don't live there. Figure it out yourself." But instead, you literally googled holloween events in that city, and give him the answers.
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Just use your own smart phone!
...sorry to be a bother...
