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If you're already thinking contracts and lawyers then it probably isn't a good idea.
Suz, this is my thought.
Every thing may spubd hunky-dory now, but tye inlaw can turn on you. Actually so can your child.
It sounds lovely, but with red tape comes dissent.
Soneone is not going to get a good deal, and likely it will be you.
You will be expected to do things like baby sit the grandkids for free, cook for when the kids run late at work, upkeep the house like a maid, etc.
If big if, the kids really want to do this, let THEM make the addition to their house with THEIR money, then you cheaply rent from them. That way if you need assisted living arrangement somewhere, you can move to it and pay with your savings. Tgen they are free to rent out the apartment themselves, and if tgey sell they get the added proceeds but you have money to go rent somewhere.
I kniw too many cases where the grandparent ( parent, usually a mother after father dies) where what could go wrong did and grandma left out in the cold. In one case of close friends, the grandmother built on a ground floor addition with her money and proceeds from the sale of her trailer and life insurance from grandpa after daughter was widowed due to cancer passing of husband too. When mother ( daughter) unexpectedly died, tte granddaughter sold off the house, without regard for grandmother as granddaughter lived elsewhere, did not want the house, and grandmother didnt have any claim on deed. Grandma was left to get into income based senior housing on a loooong wait list. Grandma had to sell off everything to try to rent until the senior housing came through. Its not that granddaughter didnt love grandma, but " business is business " she said. She didn't want the house, couldn't really rent out main part with grandmother living in a connected wing and so sold it to buy where she had moved to. Grandma didnt want to move another state away. Daughter was only child as was grand daughter.
If you have other kids. They will want inheritance value of the home you paid for, guaranteed. No matter how an inheritance is split, someone always feels cheated and that soneone got more than they did. They may force your kids to sell to get value out of what you paid for.
Should you need to go to assisted living, you cant sell part of the house to fund your stay at assisted living. You may need that money or to sell your primary residence to fund it.
If and when cones a time you need help, in law kid will start to resent you being there if they are called on to help. Even if you helped babysit and raise the grandkids. Too many seniors have faced this, the stories are endless.
As noted, if they get divorced and add to the 50% divorce rate, will be nothing but problems, especially if the inlaw takes your child to the cleaners.
No amount of legal papers can cover every contingency, one is sure to crop up you and the attorney hadnt thought of. Suing you or you them to exercise your rights to something will only add consternation and resentment.
Suppose you break a hip in a fall, and those stair chaiifts wont work? What if you need in house help while recouping from something? The inlaw or kid will resent it eventually , trust me.
So, your best bet is to let kids build at their expense and you pay reasonably cheap rent and save your money.
That way. If you need to you can move and have the money to do so. That way when they sell its all theirs and you still have money to fund a different living arrangement should you need one. Better to be a "roommate" than a " partner" with no or little rights.
Just my advice and opinion and experience, yours may vary.
Things that won't happen if the OP is living in a cheap apartment nearby.
Also, quality of life for the OP. Sounds like a wonderful setting. Why trade that for a cheap apartment and a bunch of busybody neighbors?
You have illogical expectations and conclusions. What makes you think all these things can't occur if they live close by? I knew a couple who had their retired parents moved across the street from them. First you say it will be awkward from time to time, but then show your deep concerns about busybody neighbors?
I'd say caution is a good idea. Think about the big things and the small ones. If you get the garage, as others have said, make sure its LEGAL to make it into an apartment. Even if everyone is happy, it may not pass muster with the city unless you just officially moved into the house with them, no mention of the 'apartment'.
If you really think it would work, then I'd do a nice bedroom and open space you can use for 'living room', but unless someone has said yes its legal, you can shut the door and pretend they have to knock. They could do the garage as an extention of the house, IF the city just called it a guest suite. And if they allowed it. If not, don't go there.
But I would suggest you start out with an extended visit. Spend the time as you would if you had a room, and so on. And honestly decide if it works or if its a little too small for everyone. Be absolutely honest about if you could still feel like it was your space if its only a family rule, not a solid wall.
I had an offer to stay with family when I decided to move here to OK, (where the cost of living is really low and the check goes way further than some place like socal), and I said thanks but better not. I know me and roommates and housemates and was right. Here I am not alone; I've got my four legged guys too. They keep it from being 'empty'. I've had enough roomates to know not to.
Before making any plans with the garage, you need to be sure the city won't be knocking on your door and asking about the garage. If you just move into their house, I think there would be no problem, with an extra room, but I doubt you'd be able to do more than an additional bedroom. Before making plans, find out what rules the city has about reshuffling inside room in homes so you don't waste time or energy or dissapointments. I'm not sure you can officially deed part of a single house to a different person either.
To all those worried about childcare, OP posted there are no children involved.
To those worried about the city knocking on the door, the OP has been clear that they will do this legally, permits and all.
To all those worried about her kids turning on her, how sad. Can't help but wonder what this is about.
I have noticed that whenever anyone asks for ideas on this and other forums, there are always those who post nothing but negative stuff. I can only assume that they have had unfortunate experiences in their lives.
But there are also folks who have had wonderful experiences.
The OP is, of course, free to pick and choose from the advice offered here. I hope she revives this thread from time to time to let us know how things are going.
Often people wait until declining health or cognitive conditions makes moving in with the kids the only financially viable one. Assisted living is not cheap and with people living into their 90s these days, it is easy to outlive your savings no matter how frugal you are.
I can understand the elders wanting to maintain their independence as long as possible and the youngers wanting to maintain their privacy as long as possible. However, by waiting until the parent(s) need daily assistance, we are all missing out on a lot of good times.
It's easy to understand the resentment that can come when forced to care for an aging parent.
We had my MIL move in with us and it was fine. We happily lived together for a couple years before she moved to an IL that she could afford. At that point, she was 85 and wanted more community with other seniors. She would get lonely, and felt unsafe if we went out for the weekend, even with drop in friends to check on her. It helped her save some money because she could put her little pension check in the bank, stop paying insurance on her car, and stop paying for gas and maintenance too. And it helped us save money, since she wanted to give us her SS while she was there.
I am surprised by the number of naysayers on here. I can understand some of their points re: tying up your own money and then not being able to recoup if she needs to go to AL. I hope for her sake, AL's a long way down the road. And not all families are difficult. We wanted only what was best for my MIL, and she wanted to be good to us, and not interfere in our lives as much as possible. I think good people, with good relationships can certainly live as a family. Will it be perfect? Probably not, but it should be do-able. Just make sure that everyone is heard and their concerns, financial or otherwise, are addressed going into this.
Personally, if the county permits it, I think just adding a park model or a garage apartment would be ideal if issues with the stairs can be addressed. A park model, or single wide, would only need about 4 steps outside, and you could make a ramp later if necessary. Everyone keeps their privacy, and there are actual boundaries.
If you're already thinking contracts and lawyers then it probably isn't a good idea.
Not really. Things do happen. If your wife runs off with the Pool Boy, there is a legal framework already in place for the split to happen. It isn't always fair but its there. This isn't all that different than a "live-in" GF or BF that isn't on the deed/mortgage for the house. There was a thread a few months ago about a long term live in GF that wasn't added to the will, deed, or mortgage, and therefore had to leave the house she'd lived in for years when her BF died. If she was married, she would have had a different claim to the house. If she had been on the deed, it would have been different. Etc...
I love my family. I have a great relationship with my father. I really, really appreciate letting him take his boat out. I'll gladly put gas in it and help with maintenance, etc, I'll spend an afternoon of my vacation waxing it...
But no way in Heck am I putting a brand new 115 HP Outboard Motor on his boat that he can sell, have repoed or towed or declared a loss in a fire/accident...Not that I think any of that has a remote chance of happening.
Its about wise boundaries and stewardship of finances.
We had my MIL move in with us and it was fine. We happily lived together for a couple years before she moved to an IL that she could afford. At that point, she was 85 and wanted more community with other seniors. She would get lonely, and felt unsafe if we went out for the weekend, even with drop in friends to check on her. It helped her save some money because she could put her little pension check in the bank, stop paying insurance on her car, and stop paying for gas and maintenance too. And it helped us save money, since she wanted to give us her SS while she was there.
I am surprised by the number of naysayers on here. I can understand some of their points re: tying up your own money and then not being able to recoup if she needs to go to AL. I hope for her sake, AL's a long way down the road. And not all families are difficult. We wanted only what was best for my MIL, and she wanted to be good to us, and not interfere in our lives as much as possible. I think good people, with good relationships can certainly live as a family. Will it be perfect? Probably not, but it should be do-able. Just make sure that everyone is heard and their concerns, financial or otherwise, are addressed going into this.
Personally, if the county permits it, I think just adding a park model or a garage apartment would be ideal if issues with the stairs can be addressed. A park model, or single wide, would only need about 4 steps outside, and you could make a ramp later if necessary. Everyone keeps their privacy, and there are actual boundaries.
There is a difference between simply moving in with family, and sinking a large sum of money (especially when you have limited resources) into an addition for their house, so that you can move in.
I've actually seen the proposed exact scenario work very well, but the children are extremely responsible people, with the traditional view that marriage is forever and you take care of your aged parents to the bitter end no matter what. In this woman's situation, the scenario is too risky.
I like the idea of an intermediate step of buying a used big RV and trying parking it by the house and Mom living in it with them for a year or so, to see how that works.
I like the idea of a park model as mentioned above. It can be moved if the house is sold or things aren't working out. It might also be less expensive than adding a second story to the garage.
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