Single older Men - where do you meet women? (marry, relationship, dating)
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Originally Posted by TinaTwo Most of the guys my age look like they could be my dad and are one step away from a nursing home. I’m in my 50’s also. Not a large pool to choose from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo
sounds like you're basing a relationship on looks.
for me, yea, financial security is essential but I value personality more than looks.
to each their own.
Not necessarily. I prefer younger men because of their mindset and activities. Looks don't hurt, especially when I look a good 15 years younger than I am.
My wife tells me she doesn't understand why American women seem so hostile towards men and prefer life alone.
That's another stereotype.
Even so, there are cultural differences between Asian societies and this one. Asian culture emphasizes extended relationships that by definition include various reciprocal obligations. That is the norm, with diversions from it appearing unnatural. American culture, in particular, values independence and autonomy. This is true for both men and women.
Then add in economic changes. Even within a generation, filial obligations are weakening in China. Economic independence in the United States and other countries provides women with more choice. Fewer Japanese women are choosing marriage.
None of this equates to hostility. And it also applies to American men. Most men may well think carefully about taking on potential caregiving obligations later in life with a new relationship. And may well be "hostile" towards what the woman brings to a marriage (those prior family obligations like children from an earlier relationship). Those men don't necessarily prefer life alone. Instead, they simply don't choose the financial obligations, possible emotional complications etc.
My Dad remarried in his 60s. My truly wonderful stepmother (no sarcasm) made it clear her children (and all those grandchildren) remained her first priority. Some men can't live with that. One friend could not. He wanted a "wife" (and all that implied to him); his hoped for love wanted to babysit and live close to grandchildren. Hard enough for original nuclear families to work out some of these issues.
I'd like to add some respectful comments, and perhaps another perspective.
If said in the spirit that the man is unreasonable, has emotional weakness, is selfish, insecure, etc, I see it this way.
While I was participating in on-line dating, many, many profiles mentioned the same, or nearly the same-
"My kids come first, and always will"
And these same profiles many times mentioned their intention was to marry... I saw this as I would always be, or potentially always be plan 'B', never fully vested in the relationship, especially when times perhaps got a bit rough. Not to seem crass, but in no way could I willfully marry a person who told me upfront, others come before me in marriage/I am less than. It's not about macho masculinity, loss of dominance, or fear, or emotional weakness - It's all about equality and mutual respect. To me this would be a marriage of usefulness of unequals, where I could never trust a person who told me such, always waiting for the shoe to drop. Simply my .02 perspective from a man who understands a mothers love of her children/grand kids, yet also 'gets' the spirit of what you wrote ( I have kids).
I'd like to add some respectful comments, and perhaps another perspective.
If said in the spirit that the man is unreasonable, has emotional weakness, is selfish, insecure, etc, I see it this way.
While I was participating in on-line dating, many, many profiles mentioned the same, or nearly the same-
"My kids come first, and always will"
And these same profiles many times mentioned their intention was to marry... I saw this as I would always be, or potentially always be plan 'B', never fully vested in the relationship, especially when times perhaps got a bit rough. Not to seem crass, but in no way could I willfully marry a person who told me upfront, others come before me in marriage/I am less than. It's not about macho masculinity, loss of dominance, or fear, or emotional weakness - It's all about equality and mutual respect. To me this would be a marriage of usefulness of unequals, where I could never trust a person who told me such, always waiting for the shoe to drop. Simply my .02 perspective from a man who understands a mothers love of her children/grand kids, yet also 'gets' the spirit of what you wrote ( I have kids).
If that is what these women want when they are on dating sites - why even try to date? Just stay attached to the grandkids. Do those kids say the same - my mom is number one in my life!
Men like being alone also... Yes they have been married before, have kids etc. But prefer the single carefree life.
That's me too (53 Y/O)... and I'll add a big HALLELUJAH! Been divorced 6 years, and there is no way I could ever live with anyone again... I have shared my home with a girlfriend post-divorce... But they leave, and are OK with it. Sure, I do enjoy time with them, but I equally enjoy me time to do whatever I like, when I like, or do nothing at all in singleness bliss. I know plenty of other fellas and ladies as well, who are in the same boat and love it.
If that is what these women want when they are on dating sites - why even try to date?
Most want nothing more than a nice evening out... dinner, drinks, a concert.
And most of those will want that on the first meeting (vs a cup of coffee introduction).
They're like those fancy graphics franchiced service companies...
they get all they can out of you on the first pass 'cause they know they won't get a second.
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