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You don’t know many professional women at all in your small town, small view of life Tennessee. Many women, even retirement age are financially savvy- and handle the family finances.
Some men have been taken care of by their mothers, then by their wives for most of their lives. Not my husband or son- but I do see it around me. There are also women who were “princess” types, then when married, were taken care of by hubby- later lost when needing to handle their own life alone.
I would not marry again for financial reasons. I would have my husbands pension at 100%, as well as survivor benefit.
I can think of one case like this where the woman kept things "on the rails" and the man was extremely passive. The wife died of cancer and the man sort of fell apart after that. It was more than grief - the guy basically could not do for himself without someone else project managing his life for him.
Still, the vast majority of cases I've seen where one partner is dependent is the woman dependent on the man with traditional gender roles. The grandmother I've mentioned on here only has a middle school level education, and my grandfather managed basically everything for her. With him gone, that duty has fallen to other family members. That was pretty typical of the Greatest Generation and even well into the Silent cohort around here.
I've been in my fair share of relationships with women of various ages and backgrounds. I've almost always been the "driver" in the relationship and the one who keeps things running. If I was a man and totally dependent on my wife or mother and not able to manage my own life, I wouldn't view myself as much of a man.
I think that when women spend years taking care of a sick spouse and they die of course they are glad to be free. It’s different if your spouse is healthy and you enjoy doing things together. I wouldn’t remarry if I lost my husband but would be open to a boyfriend.
The flip side of this is that there are many women who actually thrive on giving care to their spouse(s). I mean they look upon it as their purpose in life. I give them credit; they are Mother Teresas, a diamond in the rough living such lives of dedication to serving a man. I've watched many videos on YouTube and often (not always) when the roles are reversed, it's usually just the very attractive women who are disabled who can find a man to take care of them. Doesn't sound fair, but that's how life works out. Witness:
Gender differences. Men want companions and someone to "do things for them", and women are tired of "doing things for men".
Most men want a "nurse with a purse".
Most men are tired of being the "nurse with a purse".
Where are you people finding these "men?"
To me, part of being "a man" is being able to manage your own business and affairs. Men provide for themselves, their wives, and their children. Men try not to be a burden on society or friends and family. If you're older or in failing health, you try to adjust to limit the damage done to others the best you can. Sometimes things fall apart and there's not much you can do, but you do what you are able to do.
The thought of looking for a "partner" with the main intention of finding a caregiver or someone to provide for me financially has never crossed my mind. If I was infirm and single, the last thing I would want to do is to go looking for a partner with the real intent of finding "a nurse." If you're looking for and find love and the spouse is willing to do the caregiving, that's totally different than looking for the nurse.
To me, part of being "a man" is being able to manage your own business and affairs. Men provide for themselves, their wives, and their children. Men try not to be a burden on society or friends and family. If you're older or in failing health, you try to adjust to limit the damage done to others the best you can. Sometimes things fall apart and there's not much you can do, but you do what you are able to do.
The thought of looking for a "partner" with the main intention of finding a caregiver or someone to provide for me financially has never crossed my mind. If I was infirm and single, the last thing I would want to do is to go looking for a partner with the real intent of finding "a nurse." If you're looking for and find love and the spouse is willing to do the caregiving, that's totally different than looking for the nurse.
Generations that were born before you of course.
People 60+.
Is anybody 70 or older in a position where they have no spouse/SO, friends or family and are growing old alone without any prospects for this regrettable situation changing?
I do have a wonderful spouse, but no family or friends I could rely on if something were to happen to my spouse. I cannot imagine living alone having to rely on just myself to get the things accomplished that I need to, given my health and physical limitations.
Thoughts?
Do you think your spouse will pass away before you?
The concern posed by the OP was "I cannot imagine living alone having to rely on just myself to get the things accomplished that I need to, given my health and physical limitations." Money can assist with many of these concerns, depending on where you live. I am an active 63-year-old, but it is possible I might need foot surgery down the road which would put me out of commission for weeks, if not months. I have no family nearby. Fortunately, I live in an area where I could get multiple grocery stores and restaurants to deliver. I am a short uber or special transport ride from health services. I have a handyman I could call upon to assist with any needs that should arise from the house and I already use a lawn service. Who wants to be calling on friends to help with all of this? It is an unreasonable imposition I wouldn't even dream of making. Money buys the assistance you need and helps you keep your friends.
My mom was from the greatest generation and she handled everything for my dad and had to care for him for 14 years. My aunt still lives alone at 95. No weak women in my family. My husband would survive without me but the house would be dirty and the bills paid late. I am likely to die first being 5 years older and having more health issues.
Is anybody 70 or older in a position where they have no spouse/SO, friends or family and are growing old alone without any prospects for this regrettable situation changing?
Thoughts?
Almost seventy years young. Not quite there yet.
No spouse. No SO. No real prospects. Just two worthless pups that lay around all day. But they do give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Even though I miss the companionship, emotional intimacy, and an activity partner; I must cherish the freedom and independence of living alone more.
However, I do have a wonderful church "family" that I can rely upon when needed.
I was an only child and didn't have many friends in my early childhood. I've always sort of "lived in my head" and prefer to have time alone, even if I am romantically involved with someone. I don't like feeling "smothered" or having someone up in my business all the time.
Let's assume I do get married. Even if something happened to my wife, I wouldn't be "scared" of living alone. I've never been the dependent type. I'd still try to get on with it the best I could.
That's not saying that I wouldn't be heartbroken, or that if I was to the point where I couldn't do things on my own, that I wouldn't acknowledge that and start looking at alternate arrangements.
The 'weird' part is You insist on voicing your opinion about senior issues, even though you're in your 30s. You have absolutely no idea of what it may be like for people 40,45 and 50 years older…..or even how you will see things then.
I've no doubt we all figured things differently in our 30s.
I can understand young people being on here in order to get information about the what's and whys and how to's about retirement so, before getting bashed,understand that
I have often thought about this. When I was in the 30s, I lived alone for 6 years. There were many days where I didn't see or talked to anyone-these were the days before the internet. While there were times when I cherished the freedom I had being alone, there were days when it was almost unbearable. Those were the days when I would raise my phone bill. (Remember long distance calling?) I often pictured myself as an old lady still living alone.
Enter Hubby. Life is good and I couldn't be happier. However, Hubby is many years older than I am so the odds are he will go before me (but not necessarily). We didn't have any kids together but he has 4 kids from his previous marriage and 8 grandkids. (The 8 call me "Grandma.") I do count on Hubby for a lot-mainly for transportation. I am legally blind and do not drive. He goes to the store to buy groceries (he is also my personal chef). If something were to happen to him, I often wonder about how I would get groceries. I wonder if I would hear from his kids or grandkids. These thoughts always go through my head. But, I think what will be the hardest besides trying to figure out logistics, how will I deal with my all-consuming grief for the Love of my Life? I do realize what I have now and I tell him EVERYDAY how much I love him, how much I appreciate him and I try very hard not to take him for granted because I know there will come a time when he will no longer be here and I know I will miss him more than words can express.
Cat
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