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Kind of a discouraging realization. I know I'm not outgoing, charming, charismatic. I am in reasonably good shape and looks for my age. But finding love seems near impossible now. Especially since I don't really put out the effort.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by V8 Vega
...Especially since I don't really put out the effort.
You are on the right track, You seldom find the right one when you are looking, especially when you are busy HUNTING. (Trophy spouse can be a nightmare, and run you broke very fast!... ask my FIL or thousands of others).
There was just an article this week about a real estate guy who married a fashion model (in Japan, IIRC). Millions gone in a few months... All spent!
Happens (both sides)
FIL had never had a new car in 70 yrs, then within a couple months of the Gold-digger arriving, had a new Cadillac and a posh MH (Which they never used). 20+ yrs later he is still struggling with the gold-digger (Till death do us part). All the money is GONE and she refuses to spend a cent of HER SS or savings $. "He married me, He's my caregiver, and That's That!"
Really sad when she got rid of all the interior treasures and pics of the kids, then made him sell the very custom and beautiful home he had spent 20 yrs building for DW #1. The new partner cut off all communication to FIL from his (4) daughters. Had them stricken from the will (minor finance detail, with significant emotional damage)
Fortunately there are good stories from others (many), so... just don't go looking or wishing. Let the relationships come naturally (Very tough during Covid).
Dear friends in PA were each single widow(er) for over 20 yrs, then realized they were less than 10 miles apart and previous college crushes. @ age 90+, they are very happy and delightful together.
Kind of a discouraging realization. I know I'm not outgoing, charming, charismatic. I am in reasonably good shape and looks for my age. But finding love seems near impossible now. Especially since I don't really put out the effort.
I'm now 71 so I doubt very much it'll be happening again in my lifetime. Maybe perhaps if I wanted to take up with one of the married guys around my 55+ community who hit on me occasionally. I'm not that desperate. Or definitely if I'd hop onto Ourtime or Match -- most men on there are looking for lust. I have girlfriends older than I who've gotten back in the saddle with guys they met on-line. But the guys my age just don't wet my whistle, if you know what I'm saying. And I'm sure they probably feel the same about women my age.
Haven't been in a relationship since 2007. Would I like it to happen again? Sure. If some younger 50ish man would be willing and would keep the lights out. But since I'm not putting any effort into it either, the odds of that happening are about a billion to one. So I guess 7/7/07 will forever be marked on my calendar as the day the music died.
Kind of a discouraging realization. I know I'm not outgoing, charming, charismatic. I am in reasonably good shape and looks for my age. But finding love seems near impossible now. Especially since I don't really put out the effort.
Of course right now, any sort of dating is out until most of us are vaccinated.
After that, you can't meet new people and find someone interesting to you if you don't get out and about, and put yourself in settings where there are likely prospects. If you don't, it's sort of like trying to go duck hunting in your own backyard. So if you put no effort into introducing yourself to new people and being conversational, and a bit interesting TO THEM, then what do you expect? I live in a mostly senior community, and it's mostly couples, so basically a terrible place to find love. Still, some of my acquaintances who have HUGE negatives looks-wise, but are very outgoing and active in the community, have found love late in life. It's always important to recognize the fact that internal beauty is most important, anyway, especially at this stage in life. It's worth the effort to go outside your comfort zone to put yourself out there. You don't have to be charming or charismatic, but you do at least have to speak to people and be pleasant.
Aside from that, not everyone will be coupled, and there are so many things to do in retirement that finding other outlets for your mind and body can take precedence. You can work on your health and fitness, learn new things in continuing education, spend time volunteering, become activity in your church's ministry, etc. And when you do those things, sometimes you end up meeting people who end up becoming close with you.
When it's time to go out and be with folks again, I would also let it be known to your friends and family that you are open to meeting people, or being fixed up. Lots of people know somebody nice, but don't put 2 and 2 together until you mention it.
Last edited by TheShadow; 02-03-2021 at 07:31 AM..
So.... When you were 21 were you celibate if you were not in love? Me either.
Keep in mind after 50 women out number men 2,3,4 times more. Odds are stacked in our favor and they need good loving also. (at least some).
Join an over 55 community, get a golf cart, hang out at the Rec Center and you'll never have to cook another meal again. Just keep well stocked on the wine.
So.... When you were 21 were you celibate if you were not in love? Me either.
Keep in mind after 50 women out number men 2,3,4 times more. Odds are stacked in our favor and they need good loving also. (at least some).
Join an over 55 community, get a golf cart, hang out at the Rec Center and you'll never have to cook another meal again. Just keep well stocked on the wine.
If a guy lives in a 55+ community and he is doing without and eating his own cooking, it's because he chooses to live that way. Most of those communities have an unwritten rule that widows won't hit on new widowers until at least the funeral is over.
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But since I'm not putting any effort into it either, the odds of that happening are about a billion to one. So I guess 7/7/07 will forever be marked on my calendar as the day the music died.
