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Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
13,060 posts, read 7,493,946 times
Reputation: 9787
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
He wasn’t fired. He walked out. This wasn’t they “laid off the old guy.” The old guy quit.
I'd say be had, "guts"
often times DW would come home near tears from the stress from management and being the solebread winner of the household. I was taking care of my mother at night, and her parents during the day.
He encouraged her to retire early. He said he'd keep working for the insurance. At this point, they have no income, other than her SS, and no insurance. If he wanted out that badly, he should have started planning to quit. If he had enough yesterday, he should have put in a two-weeks notice. What does just walking out the door and quitting on the spot do?
Putting in a two-week notice would have been nice, but is not always possible. Without being there and knowing exactly what happened, it's hard to say if anything could have been handled differently.
In my husband's case, the first job he quit this year was a quit on the spot. It started out as a conversation that just went awry and the boss did not handle it well. When he started yelling and blaming my husband, that is when he quit. He felt that was the end of the conversation.
When he knew the second job was not going to work out (due to physical reasons), we made sure he approached it differently. Calm conversations, no blame. Told the boss he would stay through the busy time and give him plenty of notice before he went to the school. This one worked better and he and the boss are actually still on good terms and talk on the phone some. But if that first conversation with this boss had gone bad and tempers had flared, we could have had a repeat of the first job.
You can have the best of intentions and it still not go the way you planned.
When DW was 60 (2007), her company of 20 years, started to put pressure on all the older employees and a lot of not so subtle hints/inquiries on her retirement date. As 2008 unfolded and its collapse into 2009, the pressure from management became almost intolerable. By 2010, at 62yr-10 months, she got her walking papers immediately as she walked into the office, the day of her return from a 14day condolence on her father's death in our home, & after a long invalid care.
All of the "old timers" got their walking papers or strongly urged to retire, especially if they in their 60's.
All were replaced by 20 year olds.
Your time will come.
He wasn't given his "walking papers." He quit his job on the spot.
This place doesn't pay all that well. They are constantly cycling through temps in the $10-$12/hr range. They won't show up for work.
It's an aging labor force. The other lead mechanic is also in his 60s and constantly called out.
Age has nothing to do with it. He wasn't forced out because of his age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by leastprime
I'd say be had, "guts"
often times DW would come home near tears from the stress from management and being the solebread winner of the household. I was taking care of my mother at night, and her parents during the day.
He had complained several times the last few months to the effect of that "if she didn't need the insurance, I'd quit and figure it out." I know he's been fed up. It's been a lot of hours of mule work. He's basically been working for the remodeling projects. He's doing the mule work while mom sits in her pajamas most days. Believe me, I can see where he gets frustrated.
Mom has been going on "your dad has a lot on him," then when he finally hits the breaking point and quits, she's wanting to file for divorce and "sleep in the car."
He's handled his frustration very poorly. If he wanted to a bail out, he should have done show in an organized fashion. With that said, I can see how he's absolutely fed up with mom doing nothing to help around the house while he works like a mule for the insurance and remodeling projects.
I would have divorced my mom. She's extremely negative most of the time. Dad has always been the one to have friends and such - mom has hardly ever had friends that I remember. They have very different personalities and I'm not sure how they've made it for over forty years.
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
13,060 posts, read 7,493,946 times
Reputation: 9787
Seems like dad, figured out that there is a reason why this company has personnel problems.
He decided that he didn't want to deal with it and be part of their problem.
For those who say it's not the OP's problem, I say it will be when they show up on his doorstep expecting him to take care of them.
I was in a situation in my 20's with financially irresponsible parents. Anytime I was able to save up any money there would be some crisis guilting me into handing over my hard-earned savings.
Your guess is $2500 what? Her SS and small pensions? Does that include your father’s SS?
It’s not so dire. They’ve only got two years until Medicare (and that isn’t free), and it sounds like their premiums will be low on the ACA.
Sounds like your mother is is mad that your father didn’t keep working at a frustrating and probably physically demanding job so she could be taken care of and get the remodel job done. The bit about her saying “I’ll live in my car” seems a bit of an overreach, designed to get you to side with her over the “horrible” mess your father out her in.
Also, they were planning to live on SS and the small pensions two years from now, weren’t they? All I see is that for the next two years, their income has been “fast-tracked” to the retirement years’ income. The ACA premium will probably be about what the Medicare premium will be.
I seriously doubt she will go through with her threat to divorce. It comes across as selfish to me, as if she was just staying married to your dad for his insurance and, of course, the incoming money to do the remodel. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m sympathizing more with your father here, and not your mother.
All that said, I’m glad you unblocked him. If he’s been your best friend all these years, maybe in a day or two when you calm down a bit and realize it’s not all that dire a situation, you could call him. I’m sure he would appreciate your support.
My guess is the $2500 would be his SS and pensions. They've said that her retiring early wasn't as big of a hit to their lifestyle as they originally thought it would be.
She still shops a good bit (not as much as before she retired, but way more than is needed), and they went back to going out to eat most days for lunch again.
I have never been happy with the way she retired. She quit the day she turned 62. She wanted a new car right before retiring. She couldn't even work a bit longer to help bring the car payment down or pay the note down a bit. Nothing would do her until she quit.
While they aren't going to have a lot to spend, I think they could keep their basic expenses met if they trimmed out some of the lifestyle stuff. I think the divorce threat is mostly bluster at this point. Unless she was in an apartment or something, there's no way mom could live on her own.
Dad always thought she'd get more active, but I think what he failed to take into account is sitting in the chair in front of the TV all day long is just who she is. While I'm sure work tired her out, she's not doing anything any differently now that she's retired - retirement just gives her more time to sit in the chair!
Also, I think the "stay at home" message in COVID made her feel justified in these behaviors. Mom always gets on to me for travelling and such, asking "why can't you just stay home?" COVID just reinforced this bad behavioral pattern that was already there.
I may call him this weekend if I see that he leaves the house. I'm not going over there, and he rarely keeps his phone on him, so I'm sure she'll just read any text I send him.
My brother is 62. He has gone through four jobs int he past three years. He finally found a place that appears to be a good fit for the rest of his working career. Jobs are plentiful right now. Most places are shorthanded. He should try to find antoher job before June when the boosted unemployment runs out.
My brother and his wife do not own a house. They will not get much social security because she did not work much and worked under the table when she worked. He has little saved in his 401K and a little in an HSA, bot much. I do nto know how they are going to survive when he retires. The plan to live on social security. Maybe they can get welfare on top of social security (?)/
His health is bad, she seems healthy but is either bipolar or possibly just bat**** crazy. I do nto nkow how they will manage health car costs.
SeriousConversation, initially, I rather sympathized with your mom. Being without health insurance is scary. No health insurance and already seriously ill is terrifying. My DH and I have made professional and personal decisions based entirely on having health insurance - inc I using moving to another state that was chosen only because of the ability to purchase health insurance for me. I get it.
However, after reading your additional comments, I'm feeling like your mother is toxic. I'm wondering if you should tell her that when she moves in the car,, she should use her brand new, expensive cellphone to call to let you know where she's parked.
I'm glad you unblocked your father's number. Presumably, he's tried to call you and found out he was blocked. So how would he know he's unblocked? Call him. Sounds like your mom and his boss have made his life pretty miserable;
I hope you don't add to the poor guys' unhappiness.
My guess is the $2500 would be his SS and pensions. They've said that her retiring early wasn't as big of a hit to their lifestyle as they originally thought it would be.
She still shops a good bit (not as much as before she retired, but way more than is needed), and they went back to going out to eat most days for lunch again.
I have never been happy with the way she retired. She quit the day she turned 62. She wanted a new car right before retiring. She couldn't even work a bit longer to help bring the car payment down or pay the note down a bit. Nothing would do her until she quit.
While they aren't going to have a lot to spend, I think they could keep their basic expenses met if they trimmed out some of the lifestyle stuff. I think the divorce threat is mostly bluster at this point. Unless she was in an apartment or something, there's no way mom could live on her own.
Dad always thought she'd get more active, but I think what he failed to take into account is sitting in the chair in front of the TV all day long is just who she is. While I'm sure work tired her out, she's not doing anything any differently now that she's retired - retirement just gives her more time to sit in the chair!
Also, I think the "stay at home" message in COVID made her feel justified in these behaviors. Mom always gets on to me for travelling and such, asking "why can't you just stay home?" COVID just reinforced this bad behavioral pattern that was already there.
I may call him this weekend if I see that he leaves the house. I'm not going over there, and he rarely keeps his phone on him, so I'm sure she'll just read any text I send him.
So with your mom's SS and small pensions they are probably taking in at about or at least $4000 a month without either of them working and they live in E Tennessee with an $800 per month mortgage and you're worried they can't make it financially? Do you not realize people live on less than that and are not destitute or homeless or need financial assistance from their children?
Congratulate your Dad on his early retirement and give him a hug.
For those who say it's not the OP's problem, I say it will be when they show up on his doorstep expecting him to take care of them.
I was in a situation in my 20's with financially irresponsible parents. Anytime I was able to save up any money there would be some crisis guilting me into handing over my hard-earned savings.
She's the one I'm worried about, not him.
I think he's been kicking around the quitting idea in his head for quite some time. He'll occasionally say "if it was just me," or "if something happened to your mom" about how much less work he'd like to do, play chess and fish more, and that he could live on less. He doesn't need to be hauling around vats full of liquid medication on pallets up and down freight elevators at 63, but I think he'll find something else to do. I could easily see him taking the summer off, then getting bored in the fall and winter and finding something part-time. He grew up in Florida and will occasionally talk about wanting to be somewhere warmer in the winter.
I don't think she's employable at all. Mentally, she's just not as sharp as she was even a few years ago, tires too easily for even office work, etc. The worst thing is her attitude - no wants to work with someone who is so damn negative most of the time.
I've probably had my mom meet ten girlfriends over the years. She's never liked any of them. For the most part, my girlfriends haven't liked her either. She is just very unpleasant to be around most of the time.
A few weeks ago, she said she wanted to go out for pizza for supper and look for some decor for my house. I had a hot dog for lunch and felt a little nauseated, so when I got to the pizza shop, I asked if she'd mind if we ate at the Jersey Mike's across the street. She said "I don't want a cold sandwich" and just drove off and went home. That really ticked me off, as I rushed out there after work and got ready for nothing. Mom has been holding a grudge against her sister for over a year because of an argument they had over what to do with some of my grandmother's belongings when we were moving her out. My aunt did fly off the handle, but mom's no peach to be around either. It's the type of issue that's not worth holding a grudge over. This is just how mom operates.
A buddy of ours who is a couple years younger than did sold his business for a nominal sum a few years ago. The guy had a little restaurant where he made most of his money off breakfast. He was just sick of it. The guy had these huge lifestyle expenses from golf and travel. He ended up losing a ton of money through various mishaps, but he seems happier than he's been in awhile. They had a lot more money than my parents, but also had huge expenses, and seem to be OK with the pared down lifestyle.
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