Why Older Women Face Greater Financial Hardship Than Older Men (federal, vacation)
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When I was 21, for some weird reason I decided that I wanted to find a wife.
I was working in a careerfield where everyone was divorced. Marriages are extremely short lived. The best that I was able to analyze why we had such a high divorce rate, was because most of the guys fell for girls they met at bars.
You could get married, setup an apartment together, put her on the Joint checking account, but then very little time remains before the next deployment.
We would deploy for four months and the next time that we surface, in the mail bags there would always be huge piles of incoming mail. Past due notices for bills that were never paid, Credit Card bills for maxxed out credit cards, and divorce in 'absentia' notices.
Men who marry dependent women, become divorced men in short order.
You can take a party girl out away from the party, but you can never take the party out of a party girl.
I made a list of what qualities I wanted in a bride. I prayed about that list. and the next girl that I dated was a very independent lady. When I was courting her, she told me one time that she had no need for a man in her life [outside of socially].
She was working and supporting herself. At that point she had relocated herself, by herself, to a different state, twice.
When I found out the boat I was on was going to change homeport to another state, I asked her if she would be willing to move to that state, and when I surfaced there then we could live together. She agree, and three weeks ago was our fortieth anniversary.
I served on subs for 20 years, I have served with hundreds of other men, during that time I knew of two long-term marriages. Long-term marriages among sub crewmen can only work if the female is very independent.
After I retired, I finally had the opportunity to live with my wife full time. Up to that time, I was generally just a visitor in her house.
We were married 20 years before we got the chance to live together full time.
I was surface fleet, but worked with the subs.
My wife was an Army Nurse. We didn't retire from the military, but did do our full 8 year hitches. Personally, I always thought we got along better when we were on different continents, different oceans or different hemispheres.
We've been together 33 years now.
She's tough, but physically issues have conspired to make her dependent on me. That's fine. We get along well, and I've made sure she's provided for even if I ship out first.
What do you mean by some immigrant woman? I am an immigrant woman myself :-). The example I gave (of a career woman that takes 2-3 months off to have a baby, then hires a competent person to take care of the baby, and goes back to her career) fits a broad cohort of the majority of women in the profession from which I retired about two years ago at the age of 60 (after setting up my own annuity-based pension, since I had been self-employed). The example I gave is in fact typical of women in my former profession, that is how nearly everyone did it.
He or she is referring to the women you see all over areas like Park Slope taking care of the children of the proudly highly educated professionals who live in the area.
Hold the effin phone. You've got to be kidding me.
1. Our society tells women that they are less intelligent than men. Girls in school are told to never look like they are smarter than the boys.
2. Our society tells women that they are not as strong as men. I'm talking more than physical strength.
3. Our society shames women for wanting careers. If a woman prioritizes career and making money over being a wife and mother, she gets called a "feminazi."
4. Women are paid a fraction of what men are paid. No, this isn't because women don't know how to negotiate. There is still the cultural belief that women can depend on their husbands to support them. So they can be paid less.
5. Women are told that they are less able to do math so that many (but not all) become intimidated by finances.
6. Many men are intimidated by high earning women. Many married men go out of their way to control family finances.
Basically, there is a cultural issue where women are taught to be dependent on men. Women would pick higher paying career if men weren't intimidated by women and make it hard for them in the workplace. You all remember the Google incident from a few years ago where a male employee sent out a companywide manifesto declaring that women were notbiologically made for high paying jobs. It's this type of BS that still permeates our society.
SO, if we are so concerned with women and their financial security, the best thing we can do is to tell women to get all the education they can get, prioritize their career, earn the largest salary possible, reduce the number of children or have no children at all. This will make more women financially secure.
As a single woman, I made it a priority to make a six figure salary.
Spot on. This reminds me of a couple of conversations I had with men years ago.
Man (father-in-law): There's a woman roofer around here. I think she should be paid less than the men. Me: Why? Him: Because she's slower and weaker. Me: So it follows, then, that if one of the crew is paid less because she's slower and weaker, then a man on the crew who's slower & weaker than another would also be paid less. Him: (crickets)
Business owner: We pay women less at our company because they don't need as much as a man. She doesn't support a family. Me: So if you pay a woman less because you think she doesn't have to support a family, then you'd pay a man with 5 children more than you'd pay a man with 4 children, and so on. Right? If you determine amount of pay based on need. Business owner: Uh.....
I was working in a careerfield where everyone was divorced. Marriages are extremely short lived. The best that I was able to analyze why we had such a high divorce rate, was because most of the guys fell for girls they met at bars.
You can take a party girl out away from the party, but you can never take the party out of a party girl.
It's what happened in "the Best Years of Our Life." The soldier married a party girl who liked how he looked in a uniform. When he was decommissioned, poorer and in street clothing, she dumped him. I am sure its pretty common.
Quote:
I served on subs for 20 years, I have served with hundreds of other men, during that time I knew of two long-term marriages. Long-term marriages among sub crewmen can only work if the female is very independent.
I can see it.
I was a stay-at-mom for twenty plus years. My husband's job required travel anywhere from 90% to 50%. Additionally, we moved five times in a dozen years. I was responsible for packing/unpacking the house, childcare, house repairs, all financial matters and I volunteered in their schools and after school actives.
These things don't happen on their own. We needed to worked as a team.
We have a financially secure retirement because of our decisions.
Spot on. This reminds me of a couple of conversations I had with men years ago.
Man (father-in-law): There's a woman roofer around here. I think she should be paid less than the men. Me: Why? Him: Because she's slower and weaker. Me: So it follows, then, that if one of the crew is paid less because she's slower and weaker, then a man on the crew who's slower & weaker than another would also be paid less. Him: (crickets)
Business owner: We pay women less at our company because they don't need as much as a man. She doesn't support a family. Me: So if you pay a woman less because you think she doesn't have to support a family, then you'd pay a man with 5 children more than you'd pay a man with 4 children, and so on. Right? If you determine amount of pay based on need. Business owner: Uh.....
I remember seeing a sort of reunion show where they interviewed Penney Marshall and Cindy Williams from Laverne & Shirley. They mentioned their show was beating Happy Days in the ratings. When they questioned why they weren't making the same as Ron Howard or Henry Winkler from Happy Days, they were
told that two of them may be worth one of the male stars. They were women, that's why they were paid less.
Have you considered moving now to a place that would be more sustainable for either one of you when alone? It might be easier physically and emotionally to downsize and move now rather than later, and with financial concerns also burdening you. And maybe it would allow you to go forward now with less dread of what may be to come?
If one of us develops a chronic or terminal condition, I think we will be forced into doing this. Now, frankly, neither of us wants to move. We moved across the country 10 years ago. We don’t want to move again until we have to.
Can someone explain "silent generation" to me?
Mother, grandmother and greatgrandmother were in business. Mother would totter across a loading dock in 4 inch heels, hike a pencil skirt a bit and show a driver how to dock and load. She was the brain of a somewhat international business.
Anyone wants to tell her she was a house wife because she had children? Please go ahead.
And yet, somehow I sense they are even now winding up for another wildly inaccurate pitch.
Honestly, are we going to allow these non-factual generalizations about women? What purpose do they serve?
I always get a kick out of seeing how some of these minds work. That particular poster, as far as I can tell, has neither a husband or kids and is proud of herself for being a self supporting working woman who doesn't need a guy to pay her way through life. That's fine by me and there is nothing wrong with placing a high value on your career and your ability to earn a good income.
However, this same poster seems to "know" exactly how those of us who did marry have lived our lives. In her mind, we apparently all used our bodies and faces and (S E X) to land a rich husband who would buy us cars and houses. It's like a bad episode of Dynasty or As the World Turns.
Very true. My mom is going on 25 years without the love of her life (my dad). She wasn't that much older than I am now when dad first went into the nursing home which is a sobering thing to think about.
My mom has been a widow for over 40 years - still living in the same house. I am already almost 15 years older than my dad was when he died (pneumonia). Her SS is peanuts but fortunately my dad left here with good amount of investments/savings.
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