Rising Numbers Boomers Living Alone - Gray Divorce Is One Reason (55, pension)

[BugsyPal]

Boomers are shaking things up again as they enter final laps before great sleep.

Rising numbers of Boomers are aging alone and "gray divorce" rates are helping to contribute to those numbers.

This is going to have all sorts of impacts on society and economy as things play out. One particular area of course will be related to wealth and finances. Not every Boomer who is divorcing will have large or even modest financial situations that will allow them to live out their years without some stress.

https://edition.cnn.com/2023/08/05/h...cec/index.html

[Teacher Terry]

For some people it may be that when they realize that their life is nearly over they don’t want to spend what’s left with their spouse. I divorced almost 3 years ago at 66. He was a cheater and I was sick of it. It occurred during covid so he could have brought it home and given it to me. I have a few serious health issues including asthma. Obviously he cared more about himself than keeping me safe.

[Ghost Guy]

I have always been of the mind that each person in a relationship should be financially independent, regardless of what stage of their lives they are in. Being able to just walk away when the partnership no longer suits you sidelines a lot of the nonsense that goes on when one partner is dependent on the other.

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

For some people it may be that when they realize that their life is nearly over they don’t want to spend what’s left with their spouse. I divorced almost 3 years ago at 66. He was a cheater and I was sick of it. It occurred during covid so he could have brought it home and given it to me. I have a few serious health issues including asthma. Obviously he cared more about himself than keeping me safe.

Sorry you had to deal with that but glad you were able to change your situation. I don't understand when I see older people acting like this - cheating or being disrespectful to their spouses- like why haven't they learned how to behave by that time of life. I feel very humbled as I age, and grateful for the people in my life as I begin to lose too many.

I'm dealing with a couple of people like this now who happen to both be single men. It almost feels like they have some kind of dementia (though doubt it) because they are acting like selfish teens who haven't yet lived or attained wisdom, empathy or experience in life.

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by Ghost Guy

I have always been of the mind that each person in a relationship should be financially independent, regardless of what stage of their lives they are in. Being able to just walk away when the partnership no longer suits you sidelines a lot of the nonsense that goes on when one partner is dependent on the other.

Me too. I had an experience early in adulthood (very early!) that taught me never to be dependent on your partner for your housing and income. Since that time, I've always made sure that I can support myself with no one else's help. I also wouldn't want another person dependent on me in that way. It's too easy for someone else to pull out the rug and suddenly you have nowhere to go. Even worse for me, would be needing to leave and having someone so dependent on me that I can't. One guy I dated kept trying to tell me I love you, I need you, etc. I said "Don't NEED me. I don't want to ever be in a relationship because of need." If I'm committed, it's because of love, not need.

[Ellwood]

I volunteer at a senior center, it amazes me how many seniors are on dating sites (mostly men). Viagra has added to the problem.

[Serious Conversation]

I’m surprised it isn’t higher honestly. Many people either get codependent or have a dependent partner they’d feel guilty of leaving.

[brightdoglover]

I read the article but didn't see a breakdown of living alone seniors by divorce, widowhood, or never-married.

I do think that people might get near the finish line in life and want to live more fully in the time left. That could include a late-life divorce or a late-life running around for those who are inclined.

[Mircea]

Originally Posted by brightdoglover

I read the article but didn't see a breakdown of living alone seniors by divorce, widowhood, or never-married.

I do think that people might get near the finish line in life and want to live more fully in the time left. That could include a late-life divorce or a late-life running around for those who are inclined.

The US Census Bureau is your friend.

With marriage comes the risk of a marital dissolution via divorce or widowhood, which have both been prevalent among older adults.

While 34% women and 33% of men ages 20 or older who ever married had ever divorced, the percentage of adults 55 to 64 years who ever divorced is much higher: about 43% for both sexes.

Although significantly lower when compared with 55 to 64 year olds, high rates of divorce persist for those 65 to 74 years at 39%, which is still higher than for the general adult population. For adults ages 75 or older, the rate is lower at 24%.

Since the 1990s, the national trend of divorce among adults 50 years or older has risen, often linked to the marital instability of the aging baby boomer generation.

[bold emphasis mine]

Originally Posted by Ellwood

I volunteer at a senior center, it amazes me how many seniors are on dating sites (mostly men). Viagra has added to the problem.

It is immoral and unethical to force people to pay for Viagra through their healthcare plan and even more immoral and unethical to allow them to get it for practically free or very low cost.

[Mircea]

Originally Posted by Serious Conversation

I’m surprised it isn’t higher honestly. Many people either get codependent or have a dependent partner they’d feel guilty of leaving.

The majority of people marry for all the wrong reasons. Few people marry for purposes of self-actualization. The majority marry to satiate basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid. They're effectively looking for food security, or housing security, or income security, or combinations of those.

Originally Posted by Ghost Guy

I have always been of the mind that each person in a relationship should be financially independent, regardless of what stage of their lives they are in. Being able to just walk away when the partnership no longer suits you sidelines a lot of the nonsense that goes on when one partner is dependent on the other.

I like it.

I traveled, lived, and work around Earth extensively. I traveled, lived, and worked behind the Iron Curtain in the so-called communist countries. I traveled, lived, and worked among primitive peoples who had no running water, electricity, or communications and so I did not, either.

I also read Ptolemy. And Plato and Socrates. I also read Aristotle but only after consuming large quantities of gin and vodka so I could tolerate his nonsense. I read Strabo, Herodotus, Tacitus, Livy, Jordanes and a host of others you probably never heard of and then I went back to college for the 2nd time.

It's pretty clear nearly all societies were male-dominated and that humans concocted gods and religions to reinforce a particular point of view for a tiny fraction of males in the male dominated societies. Before it became vogue to write your own vows or marriage rites, it was "Blah, blah, do you take blah, blah, blah, to have to hold...."

Half of the phrase "to have and to hold" goes over everybody's head and the other half goes way, way, over everybody's head.

Look at a property deed. Blah, blah, to have and to hold....

Yeah, women were property, just one step above a slave.

But, in reading Ptolemy and others, commoners didn't marry. They cohabitated. You need a dowry as a bride to marry and commoners don't have dowries. The marriages that did happen were for political reasons, or commercial reasons. You're the butch, I own a pig farm, so yeah, we want our children to marry because we benefit commercially and financially.

It only became an institution when the Imperial Roman Catholic Church made it so for a money pump and to exert that much more control over people's lives.

As a genealogist, it's amusing to hear people decry 13-14 year old girls getting married in other countries and yet on the paternal side of my family, more than 160 women were married at that age right in here in the US.

It wasn't until after WW II that they started marrying at ages 16-18, or later. When there's 14 people in your household and 8 of them are young girls, you marry them off after the onset of menses so you don't have to feed them.

But, one of the saddest things I see is badly written DPROs and QDROs. A QDRO is basically any non-government pension and a DPRO is a government pension like FPERS or OPERS and in California it would be CALPERS and then we also have STERS (for teachers) and SERS (non-teacher school employees) plus ones for police and firefighters and they require very specific language in the divorce decree or the separation agreement (for dissolutions in Ohio) to get the retirement benefit or it will not be honored and they don't get what they were counting on getting in terms of retirement income.

So, the institution of marriage needs to be rethought and changed to reflect at least a modicum of modernity.

Unfortunately, States regulated boarding houses out of existence and prior to their demise, that is where many single retirees ended up after the death or divorce of a spouse and so that option is no longer available which complicates things for retirees.