Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Two daughters and six grandchildren -- it hurts because we only hear from them if we call them. Prior to retirement we lived close to one daughter and an hour from the other -- babysat most weekends so we felt we had truly bonded with the grandchildren. We moved to FL for the winters a few years ago -- since that time the girls don't call or write. We've even waited 2 weeks for a call -- then we call. We never give them a guilt trip - - remain calm and cheery just wanting to keep in touch. Sold our home this past summer and children got most of the stuff. While growing up they were shown an example of keeping the family close -- both sets of grandparents were visited weekly, and we had them both over for every holiday -- for 30 years. Now it seems those over 55 communities are for people who want to feel their kids could be near, but can't because of the rules -- when actually, they just don't want to be bothered.
How about videoconferencing? It could be a Christmas present for them and you'd have to buy a webcam for yourself. This way you see and talk to each other over your computers.
For those who say Facebook is "impersonal", it entirely depends on how you use it. It CAN be, sure, if you use it that way, but if you use the features that make it less impersonal, then it isn't.
It's a tool. Like IMing, like email, like the telephone, like a handwritten letter. It's only as personal or impersonal as the hand (person) wielding it.
So don't, just because you're not comfortable with the tool, throw a hissy fit and blame it. Put the responsibility right where it belongs, on yourself.
I know. I threw the same hissy fit and dug in my heels and wouldn't sign up and when I finally, under pressure, did sign up wouldn't use it, and when I finally started using it regularly, realized what a doofus I'd been making it All About Me rather than actually about communicating with my children. Now, as I said, we talk daily, usually several times a day, in a variety of ways, depending on what's most convenient at any given time.
When you move away from children you profess to be close to for the simple unrelated reason of "better weather"....well, I don't care how old they are, they are still children and feel that if you truly cared about them more than better weather then you would not have moved. I think we secretely move away because we don't want to be taken advantage of (they have no life so they can babysit all the time) and we don't want to be involved in their marital problems, or their financial problems and we probably don't really want to visit the grandkid in reform school. You can't have the "old life in the new living situation", so either visit them and stay in a hotel when you do, or make the new life work for you. Despite the fact they are your children....they are adult human beings with adult human being responses and needs. The world doesn't revolve around us....evidence as we age to support this conviction is all around us. God, I can't stand whiners.
You ARE joking with this posting ~ right? Do you have any idea of its tone???
If not then I'm going to assume that you've no idea how it's like to grow old and have declining health require some changes. It's noreason for the kids to detach themselves to the level that they have. Looks to me like they were spoiled brats who resented losing their free babysitters. I can't help wondering if the phone calls will suddenly increase if they need money.
I do agree that raising our children does not guarantee that they will "owe us" anything later (as many other cultures do) ~ when we have children it's our obligation to raise them. But, jeez, all they're asking for is a phone call once in awhile. If Mom-Grandma wants a weekly call, I don't think that's too much to ask at all.
When you move away from children you profess to be close to for the simple unrelated reason of "better weather"....well, I don't care how old they are, they are still children and feel that if you truly cared about them more than better weather then you would not have moved. I think we secretly move away because we don't want to be taken advantage of (they have no life so they can babysit all the time) and we don't want to be involved in their marital problems, or their financial problems and we probably don't really want to visit the grandkid in reform school. You can't have the "old life in the new living situation", so either visit them and stay in a hotel when you do, or make the new life work for you. Despite the fact they are your children....they are adult human beings with adult human being responses and needs. The world doesn't revolve around us....evidence as we age to support this conviction is all around us. God, I can't stand whiners.
I agree with you completely on this. My parents felt the same way. I'm thinking that the helicopter parents of today came from the clinging vines of yesterday. My sisters and I all moved far away from the nest for various reasons. My parents didn't put pressure on us to keep in touch, visit or involve them in our lives. But we chose to do this on our own. Had we been pressured into it, we probably wouldn't have.
As far as my parents, after the last bird had flown the nest they created new and happy lives for themselves that involved their interests and ideas. My sisters and I were happy with this. They deserved it.
Here is the thing; the love and involvement is not a sudden thing. If parents have a good relationship with their kids while the kids are growing up, both sides will want to continue on even after the kids leave to pursue their own lives. But it has to be on everyone's terms. If the kids find it is difficult to visit for the holidays, other arrangements can be made for another time. Same thing actually goes for the parents as well.
Not every parent is retired or has the time to do the holidays. My sister relocated from Chicago to Los Angeles because her husband was offered an amazing job there. She left her two grown sons and two grandchildren. She knew it was difficult and expensive for them to travel to see her on holidays so she goes to them. I can't imagine her sitting there demanding "I'm the parent, you have to come to me." Compromises can be made on both sides. Then everyone wins.
Even if it is not always possible to get together, as long as in their hearts the parents know their kids will be there for them when needed and vice versa, that's what really counts. I think that shows a better relationship than allowing the calendar to dictate a demonstration of how each feels about the other.
I don't understand some of the comments here that "The kids better......or "They have to, no excuses......" I can't imagine that getting together under those terms would make for a happy gathering. But I guess there are difference situations in every family. There is really no single way to dictate what should and shouldn't be done.
I am 71 now, but I still cringe at the torture of those phone calls from my retired parents!
Well this just sucks for you. We retired and moved 1400 miles away from our only son and we enjoy and look forward to weekly (sometimes more) phone calls that last an hour or more. We're full of questions about his career, the grandkids, and all his projects, and he cares about what's happening in our lives. He keeps us up to date with pictures from his Sprint Palm Pre, we webcam, and for Christmas we sent them 4 airline tickets to come visit us. Life is good!
For those who say Facebook is "impersonal", it entirely depends on how you use it. It CAN be, sure, if you use it that way, but if you use the features that make it less impersonal, then it isn't.
It's a tool. Like IMing, like email, like the telephone, like a handwritten letter. It's only as personal or impersonal as the hand (person) wielding it.
So don't, just because you're not comfortable with the tool, throw a hissy fit and blame it. Put the responsibility right where it belongs, on yourself.
I know. I threw the same hissy fit and dug in my heels and wouldn't sign up and when I finally, under pressure, did sign up wouldn't use it, and when I finally started using it regularly, realized what a doofus I'd been making it All About Me rather than actually about communicating with my children. Now, as I said, we talk daily, usually several times a day, in a variety of ways, depending on what's most convenient at any given time.
I made the comment about it being impersonal.
While your comments about the features are correct, many folks don't feel like taking the effort to learn about how to use it. Nor should they.
I pretty much agree with my 80+ year old parents, the grandkids can take 10-15 minutes every few weeks to give them a call. The grandparents don't have to adapt to their communication process. The kids still use the phone (a lot).
I definitely would not have moved.
The sad truth is many kids today are not family oriented.
Sort of like when 2 people who love each other in a relationship break up they eventually drift apart.
What I find incredibly FUNNY about all this, is that there is so much connotation in this thread about phone calling beinng too much effort and almost obsolete. And this is during a period in time when people have cellphones glued to their ears while driving, crossing streets without looking, in restaurants, and spilling details of their personal lives for all the disinterested to hear.
Anyway, after reading this thread, it made me think about this coming Thanksgiving week and how to make memories. My husband and I have 2 children (young adults), now 25 and 20. One lives at home; one is here for 8 days (wonderful).
I have told everyone we will see a movie tomorrow night (The Blind Side). It's very positive and uplifting. That will set a good tone. My husband and I have already seen it.
Wednesday night, I plan to put a bunch of pictures that never put in albums on the dining room table and we can start putting them away. Looking back on all those memories will be therapeutic for our daughter, I hope, and show her what great times we all had.
We go to my sister's for T Day so that will be a big group. I am just trying to thread lightly this week - not treat her like she's under our wing but sometimes, it feels like she wants to be.
I know someday they will have families (I hope) and not be with us. I just treasure each time with them so much, I hope they realize that
It is so sad to hear all this...life is so short and people who can't keep in touch with their parents, aunts, brothers/sisters, etc. are incredibly selfish. Relationships with people are the most important thing in life so why is it such a low priority for so many. They will spend 15 minutes in Trader Joe's mulling over the best wine to buy but can't call their parents twice a month...oh please. But, remember, they wil be old some day.
From these threads, I've learned that having kids doesn't guarantee you will have people who care about you in your old age.
I have no family to speak of and I would be real happy to have somebody to wanted me to call them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Could it be me someday?
