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Besides the obvious things like outright rudeness, driving aggressively, and having a superior attitude (either about themselves or the place they came from), what do city dwellers or suburbanites do that irritate you when they visit or move to your town?
I have reed several comments on this forum about how annoying some "outsiders" can be, and so I am wondering what newcomers and visitors should or shouldn't do when they are in rural areas. My husband and I have not encountered anyone who wasn't friendly and pleasant on our many driving trips and vacations to rural areas, but when we lived in rural Maine for three years, we didn't develop any friendships, either. So now that we have bought a lot in rural Wisconsin on which to build our retirement home in a couple of years, we just don't want to start off on the wrong foot by doing something that would offend or annoy our neighbors -- so thanks in advance for any advice!
Btw, we are friendly introverts, so the lack of friends didn't bother us a dozen years ago, but I do think that it would be nice to have at least some "friendly acquaintances" in our senior years.
P.S. The place we are moving to is a small town rather than a spread-out farming community or "a lot of nothing" kind of place; and it is middle-class, fairly affluent, and evenly split between Democrats and Republicans.
Last edited by katharsis; 11-12-2018 at 04:37 PM..
The garbage thrown out the car windows when they’re driving thru our isolated and rural roads. It’s happens most during the summer and holiday weekends.
I suggest you take things slowly. It takes longer to make friends in a small town. Pushy people are usually avoided so don't be too enthusiastic. Just be positive.
Start meeting people by doing a little easy volunteer work.
*Bake things for the community center fundraiser to benefit the library, senior center, playground, etc.
*Don't suggest improvements. If they haven't heard of gluten-free yet, don't inform them. City people tend to give too many lectures.
*Don't become a committee member until you know people better. Small towns have a lot of gossips and petty people. Get the lay of the land and know where the unpleasant people are so you can spend time with the more interesting people instead.
*Join in with community chores. If a few people spend a weekend sprucing up the library by adding holiday lights or something, join in. Friends of the Library could be a good group to check out.
Misc
*Drive slower than you usually would. Small towns usually lack sidewalks so kids, dogs, and everyone is walking out in the street. Tourists drive too fast.
*Hostess gifts are more modest in small towns. (Not everyone can afford nice ones and you don't want your gift make someone else's gift look puny.) A bottle of wine or bunch of yard flowers is fine. Scented soaps are good for women - just one or two bars (not a boxed set).
*Wear nice socks. Lots of homes in rural areas do not allow people to wear shoes indoors because of the dirt and mud. Do as your hosts do. Set aside a place for shoes near your front door for visitors who remove shoes when indoors even if you don't.
*If local people make crafts to sell, buy a few to support the locals. There will usually be a few holiday and summer crafts fairs so you won't have to buy lots.
*If the town has Community Supported Agriculture (CSA), participate. If you just don't want to subscribe and get their produce, at least donate $20 in the spring to help buy seeds.
*Participate in the library. Introduce yourself to the librarians and get a card early on. Ask to be shown how to use the online catalog at home to request materials.
*If you don't like dogs, get over it. Country people tend to love their dogs. If you don't want visiting dogs in the house, create a comfortable area on your porch for them so they are out of sun and rain. Put out a bowl of water.
I think the biggie is don't come in with all kinds of things you want to see changed. Country people are pretty tolerant if you want to be different, but they don't want you telling them what they need to change.
Join local facebook groups to get a feel for your new community. We have several in our town, and everyone who is anyone is in them... you can find out when things are happening and get to know people.
I lived in a really small town of 200 people in WA in the mountains. There were a few large dairies in the community. Some people moved into the area and then complained about the smell of the dairies. We used to joke about the smell when the wind would waft it into town and say "Ah, can you smell Joseph's money today?" (Joseph being a big dairy farmer in town).
But, some new people moved to town who had never lived in a rural community before and they tried to get laws passed regarding the smells, blah blah. It was just irritating and they didn't get their way. But, the main point is to try to fit in. If you move into a farming community that stinks part of the year because of fertilizing or turning under stinky crops that rot, etc., just see how the rest of the locals handle it.
This wouldn't actually apply to you, but I had a property that was right on the main two-lane highway to the national forest, and city people from Portland, OR would drive up to the forest for the day or weekend, and they'd bring their humanely-trapped mice with them to set free in the country.
What they didn't realize, was that when they pulled into the far road of my property, thinking they're in the country now, they'd get out of their cars on my property to let their mice loose on my property!! I can't tell you how many times I ran screaming at them like a banshee asking them if they want me to round up all of my critters and drop them on their front lawn! Or at least take them all the way into the dang national forest!
Basically, just think about what you do and how it might affect other people. And accept that people kill critters, and for good reason - they multiply. You'll soon learn to let go of loving mice and rats and squirrels and raccoons, etc., when they move into your house and your walls and your roof, etc., etc. And people also hunt for their food. And during deer or elk season, they may drive around with the dead head of their trophy on the front of their truck.
Just don't be quick to judge and observe how others behave. If they see you're not going to start complaining about stuff, and you're a good neighbor, they'll probably accept you just fine.
The other thing that people can get testy about in rural communities, is the property values going up because of people moving in who are retired or just have more money. What happens is, the locals get priced out of being able to buy local properties, and they can get upset about that and take it out on the new people who bought at inflated prices.
*Don't become a committee member until you know people better. Small towns have a lot of gossips and petty people. Get the lay of the land and know where the unpleasant people are so you can spend time with the more interesting people instead.
So true! The most interesting, better friend-material people won't be the people who will be super friendly right off the bat. Hang back to discover them. And have a few pat answers to give the really nosy people who will ask outrageously personal questions that will take you completely off-guard.
Something like, "Well, I'll have to get to know you a lot better before we go down that road, ha ha ha." Think of a few ones that can sound like a friendly joke, but avoids answering their rude questions." And then change the subject quickly.
I hate it when they throw money into our local economy. Motels, goods and services. Terrible!
99% of visitors here are welcome and respectful. But we draw folks who are from farming areas of CA or mellow city types. Problem tourists are the clueless or those who visit three unofficial snow play areas and leave litter and park dangerously.
The retirees who move here don’t try to change things, but do get involved and contribute.
I guess my experience has always been different. I've lived in many small towns and generally, the day I moved in neighbors were popping over to introduce themselves, bringing a plate of something and quite open and friendly. I have NEVER had to ease my way in to be accepted.
I have had to tread more cautiously in larger places but not the small towns.
I lived in small towns (pop <10,000) in Ct, MN, FL and Alabama. When I first moved to Alabama in the 70s there weren't many yankees in the area I was in. We moved to Huntsville, the largest city (?) in N. Alabama. I was picked on somewhat for being a yank and friendships were difficult to forge (and practically no one would hire me). A yr later I moved to a very small town and I thought I'd really have more problems along that line there but nope...the neighbors were all the best bunch I've ever had.
Just don't go in acting better or like where you came from was better.
WOW!!! Such great and detailed advice!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!
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