How much personal info to share when meeting new neighbors? (farm, barn)

[pikabike]

Originally Posted by Tominftl

Don’t over share. You don’t know these people. Maybe if you’ve known them a while but not right away. You may not even like these people as time passes.

^^^
This. Don’t share anything that isn’t very general and/or easily learned otherwise. You don’t want to give away anything that could be used against you if you get into a dispute. The things that might be considered grounds for a hive-mentality ganging up can be seemingly innocuous in a large population yet reason to be labeled Enemy in a small or isolated or ignorant population. Things such as political prefs, religion, wealth or income, family philosophies, etc are private matters until you eventually know someone better, which takes time.

Better to be described as aloof or “they keep to themselves” than to be the object of unfounded and wrong assumptions.

It’s often easier to find differences between yourself and someone else than to find common ground, so work on the latter and try to ignore the former.

[bgrasser]

Stick to general info; keep personal info personal.

[6.7traveler]

Stick to the weather. Small town folks love to comment on the weather. Just don't complain about it. Remember that you love the cold and snow. You could also mention where you moved from, but only in a less than ideal light as you love your new locale much better. Then move onto them and what they are up to.
Good luck.

[Sand&Salt]

I don't mention my sister who committed suicide. No need to bring that up at first, IMO. Too painful, too soon for new acquaintances.

I say I have 3 sisters, not 4. Many friends still don't know.

[Maddie104]

Originally Posted by katharsis

Just a somewhat general question for small town/rural community residents:

When someone new moves into your immediate neighborhood where neighbors are few and far between, how much personal info would you advise that they share?

We will be moving to a community of less than 100 permanent residents within a one-mile radius of our home, so we don't want to come across as being cold, snobbish, or stand-offish -- but we also don't want to come across as being overly eager to make friends. So what is a "general rule of thumb" besides just giving our names, where we're from, and what we did before we retired? Or is that enough?

Also, people will often ask about kids first thing, but this is a touchy subject for us because our son was either murdered or committed suicide six years ago (an OTC overdose, long story), and we are estranged from our daughter due to her personal choices of which we do not approve, and so we prefer not to go into details about -- or even mention -- either situation with people we just met. We could simply not even mention our son at all and just say that our daughter lives in Such-and-Such City and don't see her very often, but if anyone "presses" for more info, what would you advise for this particular situation?

Thanks in advance!

P.S. We are moving to rural Wisconsin, if that makes any difference -- Midwest vs. South, for example.

I think this is fine but I'd probably omit how often you see your daughter. My husband's siblings had premature deaths and, when asked about siblings, he just says they are deceased. The response is "I'm sorry." No one has ever asked anything more. If asked anything further, simply state, "it happened a long time ago."

I would quickly refocus the conversation. I find people generally like to give advice to newcomers, i.e., where can we find good . . . ,

[TonKatsu]

Give what you get. If you meet a neighbor and they start interrogating you, do the same to them. If they avoid giving you direct answers, then cut the conversation short. Most people just want to be friendly and will ask basic questions to see if they have anything in common with you. But be on guard against answering questions about sexuality, politics, and religion right off the bat (and only an a-hole would be asking those type of questions anyway, but some do).

[TRlaura]

Originally Posted by katharsis

P.S. We are moving to rural Wisconsin, if that makes any difference -- Midwest vs. South, for example.

I believe you mentioned in another forum that you were moving to the west side of Door County. If you are on the west side, north of the canal, that area is largely populated with transplants from the Chicago suburbs. Huge difference there vs. the east side. I can guarantee you that for 9 months a year, it is anything but rural.

[Harpaint]

If I were in your position, I would probably say "We had a child who passed away and I prefer not to discuss it." Then introduce another subject. I have done this regarding different subjects and it has gone smoothly.

[texan2yankee]

I was partially raised in a small town, ranch community. town people knew more about us when we bought the property than I ever thought possible. this was 50 years ago before the internet. small towns are great in some ways, but if you want privacy this ain't gonna happen in a small town. everybody knows everything about everybody in a small town.

[K12144]

In a small town, probably nothing you don't want going around the local gossip mill, possibly to be known by some residents before they even meet you...