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Old 12-17-2008, 02:59 AM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,236 posts, read 3,106,684 times
Reputation: 1307

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They are going to find out quick enough. It's a gravel road, and has to have about 6" before the plow will even touch it. I'm betting the first 5-7 days without electric will do it.
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Old 12-17-2008, 02:54 PM
 
1,095 posts, read 3,987,185 times
Reputation: 664
My city slicker's take on the rules, all in good fun:

Quote:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Translation: we don't like black people.

Quote:
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
See #1

Quote:
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
Our roads suck.

Quote:
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-44 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
It stinks out here and if you don't like it, F off.

Quote:
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
We're up to our eyeballs in debt for farm equipment, so we don't hide our jealousy very well.

Quote:
6. So every person who lives here waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
When we're not busy ridiculing your car we'll pretend to be friendly by waving out of habit. We still don't like you.

Quote:
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
We like to pretend that only "city people" have cell phones.

Quote:
8. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
We know our food sucks, but we're so out of touch we think "city people" eat sushi and caviar all the time.

Quote:
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
Our major form of entertainment here is killing animals, even though we can get all the meat we want at the grocery.

Quote:
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
We do this because we know women are the weaker, inferior sex.

Quote:
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
Our food choices are very limited here, and you will be ridiculed if you don't have a diet high in fat and red meat.

Quote:
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Not only does our food suck, it's incredibly bland.

Quote:
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
We like to pretend that only city people use drugs. We're too whacked out on meth to know the difference, anyway.

Quote:
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
We really don't like black people.

Quote:
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
Our golf courses suck.

Quote:
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
We don't know the difference between a college and a vocational school. In any event, the people who attend them tend to move away afterwards to find employment.

Quote:
18. We have folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
It's us against you. And now we're pretending that city folk don't join the military.

Quote:
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
We really, really don't like black people and we don't respect their culture. Refer back to #1.

Quote:
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
Our government doesn't provide basic services you might have come to expect. And we wanted to get another dig in about city food, so we'll just guess that city folks eat croissants, because that sounds fancy and French.

Like I said, all in good fun, folks.
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Maine
6,619 posts, read 13,468,249 times
Reputation: 7340
Quote:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Translation: we don't like black people.

Reality: Your butt isn't great. We don't want to see it.

Quote:
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
See #1

Reality: Ok, now your head is crooked. You're turning around to see if your butt's ok, aren't you?

Quote:
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
Our roads suck.

Reality: They're great in the winter! Snow fills in the pot holes.

Quote:
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-44 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
It stinks out here and if you don't like it, F off.

Reality: It doesn't stink out here. Give your sinuses some time. The smog will clear out soon.

Quote:

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
We're up to our eyeballs in debt for farm equipment, so we don't hide our jealousy very well.

Reality: Naaaaah, we're not jealous. Our toys are bigger than yours.

Quote:
6. So every person who lives here waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
When we're not busy ridiculing your car we'll pretend to be friendly by waving out of habit. We still don't like you.

Reality: YES! You're right. You're trying to show us your butt and look at it yourself at the same in time. We should be thanked for not laughing!
Quote:
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
We like to pretend that only "city people" have cell phones.

Reality: We are smart enough to turn our ringers off when we're providing our own food. Nobody cares what rings in your grocery store.
Quote:
8. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
We know our food sucks, but we're so out of touch we think "city people" eat sushi and caviar all the time.

Reality: Your food comes from the bait shop. Ours is fresh.

Quote:
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
Our major form of entertainment here is killing animals, even though we can get all the meat we want at the grocery.

Reality: Unlike some city people, we know meat was not born in a styrofoam package and wrapped in Reynold's. Either way - you're responsible for an animal's death. Deal with it.

Quote:
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
We do this because we know women are the weaker, inferior sex.

Reality: You're upset that none of us like your butt. We're country women. We can kick your butt back into your saggy jeans, haul them up around your head and put your hat back on - straight.

Quote:
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
Our food choices are very limited here, and you will be ridiculed if you don't have a diet high in fat and red meat.

Reality: <sigh> We know venison (that's a deer) and catfish (that's a fish, not a cat) are low in fat and are not red meat. And while we're on this food lesson, ham and turkey are not high in fat and they're not red meat.

Quote:
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Not only does our food suck, it's incredibly bland.

Reality: You're gonna be hungry out here.

Quote:
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
We like to pretend that only city people use drugs. We're too whacked out on meth to know the difference, anyway.

Reality: We're not so whacked out that we don't know what size jeans fit us and how to wear a hat.

Quote:
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
We really don't like black people.

Reality: Please pay attention this time. Go back to #1.

We watch people we know, not over paid people we'll never meet.
Quote:
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
Our golf courses suck.

Reality: We are excellent on our top quality golf courses. We were being nice by warning you. If you want to swim with the catfish I guess it's ok.

Quote:
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
We don't know the difference between a college and a vocational school. In any event, the people who attend them tend to move away afterwards to find employment.

Reality: That's grasping. Try again. I bet you can do better.
Quote:
18. We have folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
It's us against you. And now we're pretending that city folk don't join the military.

Reality: We are amused by your vivid imagination.
Quote:
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
We really, really don't like black people and we don't respect their culture. Refer back to #1.

Reality: Refer back to #1. And, you're in our area. Respect our culture. Pull your pants up and fix that hat and we'll have more respect for you. And drop the black baloney, it's old and inaccurate.


Quote:
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
Our government doesn't provide basic services you might have come to expect. And we wanted to get another dig in about city food, so we'll just guess that city folks eat croissants, because that sounds fancy and French.

Reality: After reading this, the people with plows, and that includes the women, aren't getting you out.

Like I said, all in good fun, folks.

Absolutely! A great sense of humor is always fun.
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there
18,287 posts, read 23,127,173 times
Reputation: 41178
great insights and come backs Naptowner and Maine Writer!
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Declezville, CA
16,806 posts, read 39,792,356 times
Reputation: 17679
Cattle smell good.

That is all.
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Old 12-18-2008, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,236 posts, read 3,106,684 times
Reputation: 1307
Ain't it amazing the things you can learn on citydata? I just found out I'm racist. Amazing. Never would have thought it of myself.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Englewood, Near Eastside Indy
8,945 posts, read 17,184,732 times
Reputation: 7290
Quote:
Originally Posted by masonsdaughter View Post
Ain't it amazing the things you can learn on citydata? I just found out I'm racist. Amazing. Never would have thought it of myself.
Kinda like how I learned I eat sushi and cavier; drive a Lexus; wear baggy pants; listen rap music, and bump that rap music.

I don't, and never have, done any of these things. Trust me, just as offensive to find out. I mean, cavier?? Gross.
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Minnesota, south of the metro
113 posts, read 154,934 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by DC 38 View Post
... cavier?? Gross.
You need to try some good old fashioned Czech/Bohemian cooking. Some of it's okay, some of it would qualify as a severe HAZMAT risk. Blech. After eating stuff that I couldn't even pronounce, I think caviar would be a welcome treat.

(*I have had calimari from one place and found it quite tastey ; another time and place and it was like eating battered and deep fried rubber bands.)
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: High Bridge, NJ
3,859 posts, read 9,941,672 times
Reputation: 3399
Ahhh...city vs. country, it's kind of like the "War on Christmas," way more dramatic and played up than it needs to be. First of all, in this economy no one is moving from "the city" to the country-they're trapped and can't afford it! Suburbanites move out to "the country" in order to get further away from people in "the city." No one with doopy pants, a booming car stereo, and a backwards ball cap is moving to the country unless its a suburban white kid trying to imitate a black city kid. If there's one positive thing I can say about New Jersey its that country, suburbia, and city coexist relatively well. I live in a county where livestock outnumbers people, farm equipment in transit on a public road is common (and no one cares-include those that drive Lexuses and the like), and deer hunting is a time honored tradition. Regardless, I can hop on a train and be in New York City in just under 90 minutes to see a Broadway show, etc...or I can just have a good old fashioned hot dog roast in my backyard in my firepit, or hit the local watering hole in town, or go for a walk along the Raritan River Gorge. No problems here, guess Missouri folks are more uptight...
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Old 12-18-2008, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Minnesota, south of the metro
113 posts, read 154,934 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
I live in a county where livestock outnumbers people, farm equipment in transit on a public road is common (and no one cares-include those that drive Lexuses and the like), and deer hunting is a time honored tradition ... I can just have a good old fashioned hot dog roast in my backyard in my firepit, or hit the local watering hole in town, or go for a walk along the Raritan River Gorge.
America. Ain't it grand?

It's like Hank Williams Jr said, "A Country Boy Can Survive".
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