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Old 06-07-2009, 04:04 AM
1,297 posts, read 3,169,624 times
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Its a pretty simple question, are your spouses on board with your rural lifestyle or not?

In my case I would say no. My wife will occasionally come out and help if I absolutely need it, but as a rule I am on my own. From mending fences to trimming hooves, to even doing the farm plan; yep its all up to me when it comes to the sheep.

Now this is the strange part. When I met my first wife, she was from the suburbs but absolutely adored the farm here and started out really loving how things went here. But little by little she grew to really despise it here and was always gone whenever possible. It got to the point where every Friday or Saturday night she wanted to go out, because "it's Friday Night". Well life on a farm does not work that way. You just can't go out every Friday because its a Friday night.

When I met my second wife, she was the same way. At first she just wanted to stay home, and when she said that I knew she was the perfect mate. Now I am not so sure. Every chance she gets she is gone shopping, visiting, whatever...anywhere but here. She will brag up the farm to all her friends, but in day to day activities and in farm planning, she's really not on board.

So what about your farms and spouses; are they on board, on the fence so to speak, or completely against raising veggies and livestock? [SIZE=1]
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Old 06-07-2009, 02:46 PM
Location: Virginia (soon Ellsworth)
653 posts, read 1,728,446 times
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I am not a farmer, but always a farmer want to be. After retirement we(I) moved to rural area, she wants nothing to do with garden or livestock. We lived in Miami for 20 plus years, i can count number of time she went in the back yard to see what growing there.
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Old 06-07-2009, 07:49 PM
9,807 posts, read 13,761,838 times
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Where I live, it varies from farm to farm.

Some farms the wife is so " into it" that she can discus feeding options with the feed nutritionist, order semen from the AI reps, and discus herbicides.

Other farms, the wives couldn't tell you the first thing about anything outside of the house and consider any farm expenditure a waste of money.

Sadly, I have seen many young farm wives work side by side with their husband til the day the youngest child graduates. They then announce they want a job in town and no longer have any interest in the farm.

By the way, I just read an article that the same thing happens to " homesteaders" and other people who adapt a lifestyle of " going green" or " living off the land"

One spouse discovers they are not as-----" into it"----as the other spouse.
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Old 06-08-2009, 03:17 PM
Location: Nebraska
4,178 posts, read 9,573,217 times
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I have the opposite problem; DH is not as "into it" as I! Even though he worked on a Dairy farm at one time, and has been with me through my years and years of backyard gardens and chickens, he was VERY hesitant to move to a rural area and do 'Farm things". Fortunately he is a mechanic and wanted to be a woodworker, so here he can use those skills. He likes the clean air and water and the silence of the nights, but won't participate actively - unless you count repairing farm equipment for neighbors. I had to ask him for two months to plow the garden. I am the one planting and weeding and planning which chickens to get, where and how they will be kept, and putting in the windbreaks, as well as figuring out how to get things started like a cow herd.

To be fair, he is disabled; if asked he will feed and water the chickens, will build me whatever I ask for, and has learned to cook and make bread. He can walk with a cane, or stand for lengths of time, but the meds he is on means he can't work all day long. So I feel guilty asking him to do things quickly or immediately. HE was the one who was always shopping, always running to this store or that restaurant, and now his life is quieter and I don't think he likes it as much. When he says - "for 25 years we went where my jobs were and did what I wanted to do and where I needed to go, now it's fair that it is your turn" - I feel like I dragged him along for the ride.

I hate the idea of going out on weekends, or shopping or traveling. I like to attend the occasional auction or cattle show, but mostly I have things I want and need to do HERE, and don't like the interruptions.
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:03 PM
Location: Eastern Washington
14,795 posts, read 46,087,134 times
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DW and I are sort of a "Green Acres" couple too, BrokenTap. Although she's from Kiev and her family have been there for, probably, centuries. She does not want anything to do with the pasture operation, such as it is, all 12 acres of it...but she participates with gusto on the vegetable garden, cherry tree (that I am just now getting some cherries from, trying to beat the magpies to them...) and is interested in putting in some grapes, etc. some time. She does not cut firewood but helps haul and stack it.

Come to think of it this is more the traditional Russian breakdown of "man's work" and "woman's work" now that I write it out...
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:20 PM
Location: South Coast of Nebraska
252 posts, read 644,477 times
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Oh great. Open old wounds. It was me who thought her heart would break when I had to move back out here. Kids wanted to go do the country things with Daddy, my Mother drilled a 'divorce is failure' ethic into me(remember, these were the 'old days.....the 60's and 70's) and what was I to do???

Well, I got the greatest teaching job I could have, connected with the arts, traveled out and hither and thither....found the most supportive friends you could have..........and learned to love the sun-ups and the sun-downs.

I left a job in Lincoln/Omaha that took me, periodically, into the Merchandise Mart in Chicago. I thought I would choke on tears when I gave that up and came out to what seemed like the moonscape. Always thought I would go back.

Now I have a field of grapes and berries, an artist's studio and a rather interesting, if not curmudgeonly, husband who includes me in a couple businesses and a farm.

I say this, "If I had to do over, I'm not sure I would do it, but I have no regrets." I have a really good life..........at least, it could be a lot worse. It could be all concrete and cubicle and debt.

And, no, I don't mind the farm labor/gardening. I really like it. It is very hard, though. I love the food we grow and make. Husband makes a little wine that is very good. Our evening meal, thses days, is one of life's pleasures.
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:29 PM
Location: SW Missouri
15,849 posts, read 30,933,342 times
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Well, my husband and I both wanted to live out in the country for as long as I can remember. I LOVE being on the farm and I love working on the farm even though it is hard work sometimes.

I cannot imagine a better life anywhere.

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Old 06-09-2009, 01:35 PM
Location: Ocala National Forest
65 posts, read 316,892 times
Reputation: 40
Default Dual partnership here also

Both DH and I are out in the stable yard way too much, the house takes second place! Both do stalls each day, but I do the AM & PM feeding as a rule!

Retiring to a larger piece of property so we can add some cattle to the mix, as we like to "Ranch Rope" and trail ride w/ our horses.
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Old 06-09-2009, 01:45 PM
Location: Central Texas
20,594 posts, read 38,604,130 times
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My husband said, just this morning, "Ah, life in the country - when your wife calls you up and gives you hell for running off with her fencing tool." (In my defense, he knew I was walking fenceline and doing repair this morning and forgot and took it with him anyway.)
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Old 06-09-2009, 03:17 PM
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,619 posts, read 15,799,296 times
Reputation: 10130
Depending on the size of the property, kids, farm hands, etc - there is an awful lot of work that goes on INSIDE the house, too. The life of a farm wife isn't exactly bon-bons by the TV while the hubby toils away outside.
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