People Who Say They Don't Fit In??? (farmer, wheat, homes)

[zitsky]

Originally Posted by Tom Lennox 70

The ghetto crowd is downright hostile to outsiders. I have been called a racial slur (i am of Asian descent) just when passing through a neighborhood and making a U-turn, and another time at a stoplight because of my McCain-Palin bumper sticker (I was called a C___, and also reminded that Obama is the president and that "black people in charge now". Of the three racist experiences in my 25 years, these were two of them, the last involved a white lady in a Baltimore suburb who is at least 65 years old, who grew up when stores here refused to serve minorities or even Jews so unfortunately I guess I have to excuse her cause she couldn't have known better. I've been to "redneck" bars in rural Virginia, NOrth Carolina, and Texas and was welcomed. I cannot imagine the same happening if a white person were to go into a hip hop club in Baltimore City. White people have been physically attacked on public transportation here because some people don't want them in their neighborhood, including one particularly savage attack on a young woman by a gang of six hoodlums on a city bus.

The yuppie crowd is NOT accepting of differences. They truly feel superior to everyone else. I could never fit in with them because I didn't go to Starbucks everyday, wore clothes from Walmart instead of Abercrombie or Armani or Nordstroms, because I'm a Republican and a Christian and preferred down home cooking over sushi. I am trapped in a mostly (though thankfully not exclusively) yuppie crowd here and many people stopped talking to be when they found out I didn't support gay marriage (people still constantly bager me about that and try to force their views on me) and that I am pro-life. The yuppie crowd looks down on anyone who doesn't share or can't afford their tastes, or doesn't share their worldview. There is a story of a Hummer driver who moved into a yuppie neighborhood in DC and his car was immediately vandalized by neighbors including environmentalist graffiti painted on his vehicle and slashed tires.

You raise some interesting points, but most of your post are the same generalities that are thrown out by anyone. (Yuppies don't like Hummers. Republicans hate gays.) If you have only experienced 3 racial incidents in 25 years then it seems you're not running into very much racism then. I would be interested to hear more about your thoughts and stories that you have experienced directly that either affect you or someone close to you.

[Pete The Cheat]

Small towns are way too prejudice for my taste. I learned that as a kid growing up in Iowa.

[m0nkey]

Sometimes the prejudice in small towns is due to the facts of the people. For example, the town I live in, is close to an indian reservation, and not a very good one. There are a ton of Mexican's (most of which are illegal immigrants), and then there are a handful of blacks, and the whites. The white guys here, don't really start racist remarks, but it seems like it's starting to get more and more racist here, but that is because the Indians off the reservation keep coming over here and starting **** with us, they keep starting fights and then blaming us for it, the mexicans **** and moan if you don't speak spanish, (they are in America and should speak local language in my opinion), the blacks don't cause any problems. Most of the racism that happens is against the white guys around here. Not a whole lot goes out to the other races. The white guys around here are starting to make comments and are starting to act racist, but I would say that is due to all the racism that has been going out to the white guys. There isn't a whole lot of extra prejudicies here, I mean hey, I have lived in other places, with a whole lot more of it. Small towns you may notice it more, because you tend to know more of the town. but overall, I doubt there is any more in the small towns than there is in the big cities.

[mkfarnam]

Originally Posted by m0nkey

Sometimes the prejudice in small towns is due to the facts of the people. For example, the town I live in, is close to an indian reservation, and not a very good one. There are a ton of Mexican's (most of which are illegal immigrants), and then there are a handful of blacks, and the whites. The white guys here, don't really start racist remarks, but it seems like it's starting to get more and more racist here, but that is because the Indians off the reservation keep coming over here and starting **** with us, they keep starting fights and then blaming us for it, the mexicans **** and moan if you don't speak spanish, (they are in America and should speak local language in my opinion), the blacks don't cause any problems. Most of the racism that happens is against the white guys around here. Not a whole lot goes out to the other races. The white guys around here are starting to make comments and are starting to act racist, but I would say that is due to all the racism that has been going out to the white guys. There isn't a whole lot of extra prejudicies here, I mean hey, I have lived in other places, with a whole lot more of it.

but overall, I doubt there is any more in the small towns than there is in the big cities.

I don't know why, but I never thought of it that way.

Minus Illegals, you've given a fairly close discription of areas in Oklahoma.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by beachmouse

I'm an uber-nerd who collects pulp sicence fiction and fantasy tends to have issues with other people's sacred cows when they seem to be sacred by fiat. (Just 'We've always done it that way' drives me nuts; but give me a reason or three on why doing it that way turned out to work the best and I'll happily listen as long as you're willing to talk about it because I just love understanding the why of things.)

So no matter where I go, I know I'm always going to have issues finding my tribe. It's just who I am and how it is. So even in a small metro area compared to rural life, I figure I'm at least increasing the odds that there will be some sort of critical mass of other people I do 'click' with.

A kindred spirit! I never felt like I "belonged" in socal exactly. When I feel like talking about alternate realities and parallel universes, and being a major trek fan and dedicate fanfic writer, need to talk about specific things I need, or crave a COMMENT from one of the people following a story I'm posting, I hit the computer. I also have friends from California that I call and we talk for several hours. And went to a convention recently in Oklahoma and found that the fen is the fen everywhere. I think that everyone "belongs" somewhere, but it may be a somewhere that isn't exactly a geological location.

I agree about sacred fiat. There is no such thing as an absolute and people who insist on total agendas drive me nuts. But as long as they will let us agree to disagree, I can deal with it.

I identify with my friends in fandom and their out of the box view of the world. But I didn't much like the crowding, smog, rudness and general RUSHING everywhere I had come to see in the place I grew up. So I MOVED to a small town in Oklahoma. Do I "fit in" here? not exactly. But I fit in better than in socal. I hate rushing, I love my trees and space. I have friendly neighbors who actually talk to you are are nice. I don't have to listen the tweekers hanging around the fence like I did at my apartment. I went to a Scottish/Celtic festival and felt like I'd walked right into home, and discovered there are renfairs, Irishfairs, and other "alternate" interests here that are very cool and comfortable.

I'll never "fit in" to a place but it doesn't matter. I "fit in" to a culture which exists all sorts of places, and transcends them. Where I chose to live is more about cost, comfort and something agreeable to what I like as a lifestyle.

[mkfarnam]

Originally Posted by nightbird47

A kindred spirit! I never felt like I "belonged" in socal exactly. When I feel like talking about alternate realities and parallel universes, and being a major trek fan and dedicate fanfic writer, need to talk about specific things I need, or crave a COMMENT from one of the people following a story I'm posting, I hit the computer. I also have friends from California that I call and we talk for several hours. And went to a convention recently in Oklahoma and found that the fen is the fen everywhere. I think that everyone "belongs" somewhere, but it may be a somewhere that isn't exactly a geological location.

I agree about sacred fiat. There is no such thing as an absolute and people who insist on total agendas drive me nuts. But as long as they will let us agree to disagree, I can deal with it.

I identify with my friends in fandom and their out of the box view of the world. But I didn't much like the crowding, smog, rudness and general RUSHING everywhere I had come to see in the place I grew up. So I MOVED to a small town in Oklahoma. Do I "fit in" here? not exactly. But I fit in better than in socal. I hate rushing, I love my trees and space. I have friendly neighbors who actually talk to you are are nice. I don't have to listen the tweekers hanging around the fence like I did at my apartment. I went to a Scottish/Celtic festival and felt like I'd walked right into home, and discovered there are renfairs, Irishfairs, and other "alternate" interests here that are very cool and comfortable.

I'll never "fit in" to a place but it doesn't matter. I "fit in" to a culture which exists all sorts of places, and transcends them. Where I chose to live is more about cost, comfort and something agreeable to what I like as a lifestyle.

But I didn't much like the crowding, smog, rudness and general RUSHING everywhere I had come to see in the place I grew up. So I MOVED to a small town in Oklahoma. Do I "fit in" here? not exactly. But I fit in better than in socal. I hate rushing, I love my trees and space.

Now that synopsis fits me exactly. That's the same thing I disliked about SoCal. + illegal immigration and Ok had just initiated HB 1804.
I may have left the farm, but the farm never left me, so I blended with OK.
There some areas that I don't fit into in OK, and I don't expect to. I found that it's easier to , maybe not completelt fit, but blend in to place that resemble the best parts of your past life.
Example: I was born and raised on a Dairy farm in Michigan. Ok, resembles Mi, in many ways. Farmland, Small towns,slower lifestyle, Rolling hills, miles of woodland/(natures green tree tops and pastures seen for miles), Lakes and streams,no smog/fresh air and 4 seasons.
People are adjustable.

[LiveLoveLaugh]

I moved to a small rural mountain town and I made many trips to the local museum and a historic farm where Docents take you on a tour. I am 100% myself. I SEE w/ my own eyes how people ARE here...ex....someone fell off a horse and broke her back, EVERYONE gathered around and offered help...another's Hubby got sick and we each volunteered which nite we would bring them dinner (my only concern was that my dinner didn't make her Hubby sicker) I have WONDERFUL friends, I volunteer...I understand I will never be born here but I certainly feel welcome!

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by mkfarnam

Now that synopsis fits me exactly. That's the same thing I disliked about SoCal. + illegal immigration and Ok had just initiated HB 1804.
I may have left the farm, but the farm never left me, so I blended with OK.
There some areas that I don't fit into in OK, and I don't expect to. I found that it's easier to , maybe not completelt fit, but blend in to place that resemble the best parts of your past life.
Example: I was born and raised on a Dairy farm in Michigan. Ok, resembles Mi, in many ways. Farmland, Small towns,slower lifestyle, Rolling hills, miles of woodland/(natures green tree tops and pastures seen for miles), Lakes and streams,no smog/fresh air and 4 seasons.
People are adjustable.

The thing is for me, I'm a third generation socal native. My grandfater was the head set dresser for one of the studios, whichever one became Universal, in the 30's. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley when all of it was new and have never lived in an area with a small population.

But back then, you didn't have the rush. You didnt have the mushrooming population, people spoke English, and I could walk to my friends house two blocks away when I was a kid and my mom didn't worry. All of that is gone now. I used to hate Friday traffic because some of the drivers would, it almost seems, rather run over a pedestrian than let them delay getting to the next stop light. Then a lot of places changed to a four day week and Thursdays got just as bad.

When my son wasn't quite one we went up to nocal for a vacation, up near Lassen. We fell in love with it and tried to sell and move. We had an internet business so we were portable, but couldn't sell. I have wanted to go back to something smaller, more quiet and different since then. For me, that it is different is important. After a breakup and the nastyness that happened, I wanted to be where nothing was familiar. And yet it IS familiar here, for the past. When I was a kid I did know all the kids in the segment of neighborhood we lived in. And my parents knew the parents. And nobody was in a hurry.

The funny thing about the weather here, being four seasons, though *hopefully* not so blatently COLD as last winter, is that I love the difference. And all these people talk about how I wouldn't like the wind. Geesh, lived in Riverside, right in the Santa Ana wind tunnel, for nearly 30 years. I don't even NOTICE the wind here unless its got a storm with it.

I think that for some of us, to get where everything is new is just as important. Nobody knows the me that was ten plus years ago here and doesn't still see it. I am very much me, even if I'm not like them. And while we are sort of southern and bible belt, nobody has bothered me about being pagan and I do wear stuff that shows it. I like that people won't abandon you if your a little different, but don't shove themselves into your life either. (And there was much more problem with my faith in Riverside, by the way)

I wonder how many people sit back and live unhappy lives, hating the way things are and how things are going, but don't have the courage to leave. Sure, you may not find something perfect. You may not find all you expect. But you open up doors you never could and may discover things which make up for the down side (there is always a down side) when you actively start over.

And the greenery... I don't go gushing about it now, well not outloud, but I did for quite a while. I could hardly tear myself from the green rolling hills and all that space without houses and roads and stripmalls to uglify it. That is another thing... if you move somewhere even if it is very different, if you LIKE the overall and are comfortable enough the way it is people will respond nicely. You don't have to belong to the culture to like it, even if there are parts you don't.

[mkfarnam]

Originally Posted by nightbird47

The thing is for me, I'm a third generation socal native. My grandfater was the head set dresser for one of the studios, whichever one became Universal, in the 30's. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley when all of it was new and have never lived in an area with a small population.

But back then, you didn't have the rush. You didnt have the mushrooming population, people spoke English, and I could walk to my friends house two blocks away when I was a kid and my mom didn't worry. All of that is gone now. I used to hate Friday traffic because some of the drivers would, it almost seems, rather run over a pedestrian than let them delay getting to the next stop light. Then a lot of places changed to a four day week and Thursdays got just as bad.

When my son wasn't quite one we went up to nocal for a vacation, up near Lassen. We fell in love with it and tried to sell and move. We had an internet business so we were portable, but couldn't sell. I have wanted to go back to something smaller, more quiet and different since then. For me, that it is different is important. After a breakup and the nastyness that happened, I wanted to be where nothing was familiar. And yet it IS familiar here, for the past. When I was a kid I did know all the kids in the segment of neighborhood we lived in. And my parents knew the parents. And nobody was in a hurry.

The funny thing about the weather here, being four seasons, though *hopefully* not so blatently COLD as last winter, is that I love the difference. And all these people talk about how I wouldn't like the wind. Geesh, lived in Riverside, right in the Santa Ana wind tunnel, for nearly 30 years. I don't even NOTICE the wind here unless its got a storm with it.

I think that for some of us, to get where everything is new is just as important. Nobody knows the me that was ten plus years ago here and doesn't still see it. I am very much me, even if I'm not like them. And while we are sort of southern and bible belt, nobody has bothered me about being pagan and I do wear stuff that shows it. I like that people won't abandon you if your a little different, but don't shove themselves into your life either. (And there was much more problem with my faith in Riverside, by the way)

I wonder how many people sit back and live unhappy lives, hating the way things are and how things are going, but don't have the courage to leave. Sure, you may not find something perfect. You may not find all you expect. But you open up doors you never could and may discover things which make up for the down side (there is always a down side) when you actively start over.

And the greenery... I don't go gushing about it now, well not outloud, but I did for quite a while. I could hardly tear myself from the green rolling hills and all that space without houses and roads and stripmalls to uglify it. That is another thing... if you move somewhere even if it is very different, if you LIKE the overall and are comfortable enough the way it is people will respond nicely. You don't have to belong to the culture to like it, even if there are parts you don't.

I'm sure that I've mentioned that I lived next door to Riverside, San Bernardino. I took RT, 66 from SanBerdo to OKC. The first thing I noticed before I was at my destination was the fresh air and no smog.

That's one thing I despised about SoCal, the FAST changing of EVERYTHING! including communities. If you follow rt 66 on a map to SanBerdo you''ll a gap and a small area called "Muscoy", that's where I lived for 25 yr's and had a business for 19yr's. That was a somewhat rural community where everyone knew everyone and was like a big family. Then in the early 90's I started seeing changes. Soon the changes speeded up and I plainly saw long time home and business owner moving out and illegal immigrants and squatters moving in. Squatters would break into vacant houses and claim "squatters rights" . We had community meetings with our County Distrct Supervisor, but she was admittedly on their side and wanted more "population growth". Within 15 yr's Muscoy was completly taken over by illegals and squatters. I was forced to close up shop. A good friend who had moved to OK 3 yr's earlier offered me a job, so I headed to OK.
I did have a culture shock but it was a good one. Only a person that has seen the differences between Ca. and OK. could expain it or even understand it.

[SorryIMovedBack]

Originally Posted by marmac

being accepted and making true friends,however, are 2 completely different things.

That is so true. Even if you are friendly and have good intentions, and do want to make friends, the demographics and the lack of peers in a small rural town can just literally ruin the experience for you. I am a single woman, with no children. In this town, all women do, and I mean ALL, is motherhood. There IS no lifestyle except small town motherhood. Well, I have no kids, and no relatives' to borrow, so scratch that. Then, everyone of any caliber is here is married. Now, men may not see it, but women sure do: No married woman wants a single, childless, debtfree, carefree woman hanging around her man. So, I am a threat. Nevermind that I have NO interest in anyone's husband as anything except a platonic accquaintance. I am still given the bum's rush and told to come back when I have my own man. Well, there's another problem for ya. There's nobody of my IQ and educational background to date or marry. And I need to have intellectual harmony in a relationship, or I am miserable.

So, I decided to say 'bye to rural life unless a well-paid traveling job takes me back there. Small towns and rural areas are great for men to go to, because the men there are usually pretty free to do as they please, and they go out and do all kinds of things with the guys often without their families in tow. Women's lives, by contrast, are hugely constrained by family duties. women don't go out and do gal things without kids in tow, and small town women are VERY territorial and don't invite a single woman to their homes. I thought I'd break the ice by inviting and I got either polite declines or no-shows. So, trying to fit in as a single in a very segregated and married small society is just impossible, because the society doesn't have a place for single childless woman.

That is tedious and suspicious Cath western PA. If they were not so busy running around and cheating on their spouses all the time, maybe it would cross their minds that the whole world does not do that, lol!

Like I said, it has been very disappointing (crushing, actually) to constantly be given the brush-off when trying to establish close friendships. I want them, but people don't welcome or invite me.

By contrast, I have also lived in WV and elsewhere that is more "Southern." That is a totally different culture, and the people are much more self-confident and outgoing. I much preferred that, and consequently, my move will be in that direction, but also with access to a better educated and more prosperous urban area.