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Old 04-05-2014, 08:52 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,142 posts, read 13,074,250 times
Reputation: 2515

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I have pretty much lived near family my whole life, I live 7 miles from my parents so my perspective may be a little different.
Not impossible but may be difficult at times
My previous recommendation would be to wait a little while until the kids are older if possible but a job opportunity from either spouse that would be too good to pass up, I would say the spouse with the job offer should move for a few months to verify the job is a good fit until the rest of the family joins the family member.
Co worker's hubby moved to New Mexico for a great job opportunity but when he arrived, it turned out to be the worst job ever and he moved back to SA fairly quickly. Co worker and the 3 kids stayed in San Antonio and were going to move once they got the all clear that the job was promising.
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Old 04-05-2014, 09:09 PM
 
14,637 posts, read 34,906,535 times
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Of course it's not impossible. I don't think anyone said it was. I guess if I was young and adventurous I would have encouraged her but I needed a nap when she said "twins" and "infant." I'm old like that.

OP come on down. The job market is most likely better here and SA is a friendly town. Housing and utilities are reasonable and there are lots of free and cheap things to do with little ones. Best of luck with your decision.
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Old 04-05-2014, 11:46 PM
 
1,366 posts, read 4,471,262 times
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I think what you need to do is figure out what your priorities are...

You say that you want a better life for your kids but yet you are hesitant to move away from your MIL who provides you with babysitting services so you can get alone time or a date night...

What is more important to you? Your kids having a better life or your free time without kids...

If you are truly wanting to put your kids first then make the move... Of course it's not impossible to do it without help... I only lived 20mins from my parents when my kids were growing up but I very rarely used them to watch the kids because honestly, they were MY kids, they were not my parents responsibility... Yes, it was easier if I felt like I needed a break, because I could just drive for 20 mins and drop them off, but it's not like you can't find a sitter thru a service...

If you truly value your free time away from the kids that much or you value your date nights with your hubs that much then no, don't make the move... Stay where you are so your MIL can continue to help... If you value your free time that much then you will end up resenting your decision to move here and you will become bitter very quickly...
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Old 04-06-2014, 05:54 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
270 posts, read 591,028 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corrie1013 View Post
Yes, having family close by is helpful, but not 100% necessary.
I'm a mother of twins, my husband is working a lot (!) and I took/take care of them all by myself. Without the help of family and friends.

Yes, it can be exhausting and yes, I'm sometimes stressed out. But it's doable. You will have to cut back on "me time" and time alone with your husband. The question is if you want that, not if it's possible.
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Old 04-06-2014, 08:16 AM
 
4,307 posts, read 9,521,139 times
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I haven't lived near my family since I was in my teens, so not having family help wasn't a huge deal for me - because I was used to it. But for my siblings who have never had to hire a babysitter because grandparents were always available, they can't imagine *not* living near family. So, I could see it'd be a difficult adjustment because you've been so reliant upon family.

In San Antonio, we have an extended network of "help" from friends. That means, having someone to call at the last minute to pick up my kids if I can't make it (or my sitter has to cancel), friends helping out when I was hospitalized or when my husband was hospitalized, someone to take my kids for an hour so I could go to a doctor's appt, etc. Lots of little things, and that network is basically my extended family not-related-by-blood. I don't know what I'd do with out them and honestly we think about that when we consider moving anywhere else. A network is great, but it's buildable and doesn't have to be a MIL. And it sometimes takes awhile.

Depends on why you really want to move.
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
8,399 posts, read 22,903,094 times
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Being military, we didn't have the luxury of having family nearby when our kids were young; and if you add to the fact that I was away from home quite often because of my duties, my wife had the burden of taking care of them on her own quite often.

But we survived and thrived, so it is quite possible. Given the deterioration of Detroit, I would think that moving someplace where the standard of living was much better would outweigh the comfort of having family nearby as a "safety net." The stronger economy, less crime and much nicer weather would be enough motivation to move to San Antonio.

However, no one can make that decision than you. We can all give our opinions, but ultimately you have to decide what's most important to you. I would suggest that your reliance on family could be easily overcome, it's more of a "comfort" than anything else; and the 'pros' of moving here compared to where you are now far outweigh that one 'con.'

Good luck with your decision!

Cheers! M2
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Old 04-06-2014, 12:26 PM
 
Location: SAN ANTONIO AREA
179 posts, read 245,891 times
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iiinfo -post on SAC, UIW, TRINITY,UTSA BULLETIN BOARD............
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Old 04-07-2014, 01:02 PM
 
487 posts, read 988,610 times
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My wife and I have moved across the country several times and twice since we have kids, so here's my two cents: It's never easy at first, and depending on how close you are to your family the gap to fill can be very big, but there are many ways to survive and thrive in a new city. Here's what has helped us (some may sound obvious, but YMMV):

- Church: when we move, the first thing we do is to find a local congregation of our church. This is usually a great ways to meet new people, including families with kids, other transplants and other people with more roots in the community.
- Kids activities: things like karate, soccer, school events, etc. We've made very good friends this way.
- Volunteer organizations
- Meet-up groups
- Just talking to people

I don't think that San Antonio is particularly better or worse than most other cities for families relocating, although there are lot of military families and transplants in your situation. At the end, I think it has more to do with your ability to be far from your family than moving to San Antonio.

Good luck!


Final
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