Being single in San Antonio (how much, live in, vs.)

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by Chaka

The grass is always greener....

Well certainly some cities have more to offer than others, I suspect more has to do with how you function in any given place. I heard constant complaints about the difficulties dating in San Antonio, but that so was not my experience - and I was a single 30s person before the whole Southtown explosion/hipster movement ;-). Part of it is being open to possibilities, being willing to meet people of all types (though honestly I mostly met people of similar educational background and cultural awareness), and being willing to take a chance. I'd meet people all the time. Meanwhile, my friend who often went out with me would complain constantly about how bad the offerings were. I didn't have lower standards, I was just more willing to talk to people.

I wouldn't move here just to improve your dating opportunities. I would move because you have an interesting job/desire to experience something new/want to try San Antonio etc. That makes you more interesting and people want to date you.

Sounds like you're an extrovert and your friend is an introvert. I'm an introvert, so I have a hard time talking to random strangers.

Yes, the opportunity has to be better than what I have, but I also have to have an idea of whether I'l like the city better than where I am and have more dating opportunities. Jury is out on that. Personal life for me now is just as important as professional life and at my age its hard to start a over again and make new friends.

[ashbeeigh]

Originally Posted by Chaka

The grass is always greener....

Well certainly some cities have more to offer than others, I suspect more has to do with how you function in any given place. I heard constant complaints about the difficulties dating in San Antonio, but that so was not my experience - and I was a single 30s person before the whole Southtown explosion/hipster movement ;-). Part of it is being open to possibilities, being willing to meet people of all types (though honestly I mostly met people of similar educational background and cultural awareness), and being willing to take a chance. I'd meet people all the time. Meanwhile, my friend who often went out with me would complain constantly about how bad the offerings were. I didn't have lower standards, I was just more willing to talk to people.

I wouldn't move here just to improve your dating opportunities. I would move because you have an interesting job/desire to experience something new/want to try San Antonio etc. That makes you more interesting and people want to date you.

This is part of what is skewing your advice. This was a while ago. As we age we think, "Oh in 2007 when I was 23....things were great...." That was ten years ago. Although you feel like you're safe and things are great in your bubble and things haven't changed, they have. Even the advice I give now to people thinking about moving to San Antonio is starting to get outdated since I've been gone since September of 2015.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by ashbeeigh

This is part of what is skewing your advice. This was a while ago. As we age we think, "Oh in 2007 when I was 23....things were great...." That was ten years ago. Although you feel like you're safe and things are great in your bubble and things haven't changed, they have. Even the advice I give now to people thinking about moving to San Antonio is starting to get outdated since I've been gone since September of 2015.

Tell me about it. I still think of myself as late 20's/early 30's, when in reality I'm almost 50. Sure I look 30's, but 30 something year old women don't want to date me like they used to. Combine that with a shallow dating pool, and I'm screwed. I'd like to know what divorced 40 somethings think of SA from a dating perspective. I'm an exception because I still want kids. Makes it more complicated for me.

[ashbeeigh]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

Tell me about it. I still think of myself as late 20's/early 30's, when in reality I'm almost 50. Sure I look 30's, but 30 something year old women don't want to date me like they used to. Combine that with a shallow dating pool, and I'm screwed. I'd like to know what divorced 40 somethings think of SA from a dating perspective. I'm an exception because I still want kids. Makes it more complicated for me.

Divorced 30 year olds with middle schoolers is more the norm than single academic/career oriented women who put off a relationship for their career. It's changing, but not nearly as fast as it could. Although, I'm sure Chaka will chime in and say otherwise.

[L210]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

Sounds like you're an extrovert and your friend is an introvert. I'm an introvert, so I have a hard time talking to random strangers.

Yes, the opportunity has to be better than what I have, but I also have to have an idea of whether I'l like the city better than where I am and have more dating opportunities. Jury is out on that. Personal life for me now is just as important as professional life and at my age its hard to start a over again and make new friends.

San Antonio is a very extroverted city.

[Azure110]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

Tell me about it. I still think of myself as late 20's/early 30's, when in reality I'm almost 50. Sure I look 30's, but 30 something year old women don't want to date me like they used to. Combine that with a shallow dating pool, and I'm screwed. I'd like to know what divorced 40 somethings think of SA from a dating perspective. I'm an exception because I still want kids. Makes it more complicated for me.

I always have to chuckle whenever I read or hear 50 year old men complain that 30 year old women don't want to date them. Most women probably want to stay within their age except for the few that date for money or just like older men.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by Azure110

I always have to chuckle whenever I read or hear 50 year old men complain that 30 year old women don't want to date them. Most women probably want to stay within their age except for the few that date for money or just like older men.

Chuckle if you want, but i'm talking 10-15 year age difference vs. 20. I think its totally realistic if you stay in shape. I'm 48. I should have been more specific. I mean 35-40 would be ideal.

[Chaka]

Originally Posted by ashbeeigh

This is part of what is skewing your advice. This was a while ago. As we age we think, "Oh in 2007 when I was 23....things were great...." That was ten years ago. Although you feel like you're safe and things are great in your bubble and things haven't changed, they have. Even the advice I give now to people thinking about moving to San Antonio is starting to get outdated since I've been gone since September of 2015.

My point was that if you say Southtown NOW, it's a very very very different place than it was then. Back then, there was nothing much here. The only hangouts were Rosario's, Blue Star Brewery, and a bit later Azuca. Oh, and Bar America. And still, one could meet people.

Things have absolutely changed. Now there are loads more people in the area - including single professionals in their 30s and 40s. I'm not dating them, but I certainly meet them. And there are many more places to meet people. The life here now has so many more opportunities than it did then.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by Chaka

My point was that if you say Southtown NOW, it's a very very very different place than it was then. Back then, there was nothing much here. The only hangouts were Rosario's, Blue Star Brewery, and a bit later Azuca. Oh, and Bar America. And still, one could meet people.

Things have absolutely changed. Now there are loads more people in the area - including single professionals in their 30s and 40s. I'm not dating them, but I certainly meet them. And there are many more places to meet people.

Good to know!

[Chaka]

Originally Posted by ashbeeigh

Divorced 30 year olds with middle schoolers is more the norm than single academic/career oriented women who put off a relationship for their career. It's changing, but not nearly as fast as it could. Although, I'm sure Chaka will chime in and say otherwise.

haha. no. I think you're right. I was shocked at how common it was when I came to San Antonio for women to be married in their early 20s. It was not that way anywhere else I lived.

But like tends to find like, and I soon realized there were many interesting, educated, well traveled people (non-military) who were unmarried. So while the former may be the majority, that's not all there is in SA.

A lot will depend on where you are, where you socialize, what you do to socialize, and how you meet people. I tended to meet higher educated types just because that was the circle I found myself in through work initially, but then through other social avenues. A mix of married and singles, but the single people tended to segregate a bit and form the after-married-people-go-home group ;-). I would say I was more likely to meet men in this category than women, but I also think that's because women hesitate to go out on their own, or to participate in activities on their own. These days I'm of the 'married people go home" group while my single acquaintances go out and party ;-)

Ways I met (and still meet) educated professionals:
*Playing soccer
*playing ultimate frisbee
*Art openings/galleries (there is something almost every night)
*Cycling groups/running clubs
*Work
*Community service activities - Habitat for Humanity is great, but there are many many others
*Political campaigns (esp young people, and these folks are almost always single/no kids, given the type of commitment involved)
*Dance groups (there are some swing dancing and latin dancing groups)
*Theater activities - either becoming involved in the shows, or be a supporter and join their activities

I'm just bummed now I can't do all this stuff. Lately I've gone to many political events and the most interesting thing is watching people interact. Clearly they're all there because they have a similar view/support the same candidate, and then they start mingling. I've seen many an acquaintance develop, numbers exchanged. Beyond that, I have no idea, but it's fun to watch.