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That's the thing. I don't give a damn what bar you're at, white collar, blue collar, whatever. You cannot just sit there and wait for someone who has everything on your checklist to walk over and say hi.
If he does say hi, it's likely going to be followed by a "can you slide over a bit so I can get to the bartender? Thank you."
And how are you going to complete your checklist if that's all you get to see.
This is starting to remind me of one of the things that drove me nuts about the women in DC. All sorts of opportunities to talk to people, and they're too busy making sure they only talk to people who have every single item on the checklist.
So they end up talking to each other and whining about how there are no good men.
Uh, no, there are plenty of good men. If you'd throw away the checklist, you might find one.
Your honesty has been refreshing, Naomi, but you are not coming off well, almost naive and emotionally vacant. But, I do admire your spirit and intent on "not settling". But we all settle at one point or another and play the cards that are dealt to us instead of playing a fantasy hand. I settled on the fact that I would never become president, I settled on the fact that I would never marry the girl from "The Facts of Life" and I settled on the fact that I would not be the richest man in the world.
It doesn't mean I live in misery and hardship, I am always trying to advance, move the ball forward, make an extra buck and conquer my workplace. I definitely didn't settle on my wife, but if i would have stuck to my "criteria", she would have slipped away and walked right on by.
We went fishing one of the first times we went out and she got up early in the morning and made burritos and coffee and bought an old blanket at the thrift store the night before because it was going to be cold. That was it, I was sold. My wife was not a super model, not even a model, nor was she a doctor, lawyer..etc But she won me, and I am the coolest guy ever...just ask me and I'll tell you so.
I like all the comments in this thread and find them spot on, even some of the racier ones relating to hotness and fake boobs. You are really getting an education into the male condition Naomi, a man's psyche is complex and not as simple as it may seem.
I would suggest you seek the advice of a male friend that you are not interested in that can give you the inside scoop on men...how we think, what we think, the whole enchilada. Yes, you need an informant, to provide real time and real life intel on how to land the big fish you are looking for.....and yes the sex as well. Because even for me, the coolest guy ever, at the end of that fishing trip....I wanted to get laid.
I definitely agree that 'settling' is not a very good strategy in finding success for you and someone else in the relationship. But my $.2 says its a two way street and your posts so far sound VERY one way. Which of course is totally ok becuase its your POV. But besides financial stability, sense of humor and being picked off in a bar, haven't heard a thing about what you would bring to the table besides being bait in a sea of white collar fish
How do you formulate your deal breakers on a date once they pass your initial checklist? Is there a goal you have that in the earlier stages of dating, make it almost unattainable for that person to meet? Like a ladder that has missing steps?
I totally agree with earlyretirement here on that. I have always have/had great relationships with women and the ones that are still single have goals that are so far out of reach for anyone to meet, they live in perpetual disappointment. I am not saying its you at all, but based on the posts, the approach is not too dissimilar. These women 'think' they are putting themselves out there to date, but actually arent because their view of a relationship is filled with turnoffs rather than turn ons. Ultiamtely every man they meet has something that just wasnt good enough of if he was, he left her because she thought she was something she was not.
IMHO, the most successful relationships I have been in or my friends are the ones where its a partnership. Obvisouly if you are going on a date, this is the ultimate goal to see if things mesh to keep moving forward. I think these couples, when they meet that person, know it, but dont know it necessarily before meeting that person.
The couples friends that try to act like they are still single and do all the things they did before they were married, dont wind up going well. ITs not a judgment thing, its just how its gone from people we know. Very little compromise and make me wonder why getting married in the first place was an option lol
The element of surprise is a powerful thing. Lets put it this way, my wonderful SO, is someone I NEVER would have guessed I would wind up marrying in a million years. Let alone being married at all (wasnt some fantasy of mine to be married etc.) I was totally happy traveling, meeting women and having friends all over the place etc.
Have you thought about doing the total opposite of what you are pinpointing in men and seeing what happens?
It's fine. I'm not looking for your advice on that. I just wanted to know bars that tend to have a white collar following. I think it's great you guys are giving me advice, but I didn't ask for it and will not take it. I am who I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by echo42
Your honesty has been refreshing, Naomi, but you are not coming off well, almost naive and emotionally vacant. But, I do admire your spirit and intent on "not settling". But we all settle at one point or another and play the cards that are dealt to us instead of playing a fantasy hand. I settled on the fact that I would never become president, I settled on the fact that I would never marry the girl from "The Facts of Life" and I settled on the fact that I would not be the richest man in the world.
It doesn't mean I live in misery and hardship, I am always trying to advance, move the ball forward, make an extra buck and conquer my workplace. I definitely didn't settle on my wife, but if i would have stuck to my "criteria", she would have slipped away and walked right on by.
We went fishing one of the first times we went out and she got up early in the morning and made burritos and coffee and bought an old blanket at the thrift store the night before because it was going to be cold. That was it, I was sold. My wife was not a super model, not even a model, nor was she a doctor, lawyer..etc But she won me, and I am the coolest guy ever...just ask me and I'll tell you so.
I like all the comments in this thread and find them spot on, even some of the racier ones relating to hotness and fake boobs. You are really getting an education into the male condition Naomi, a man's psyche is complex and not as simple as it may seem.
I would suggest you seek the advice of a male friend that you are not interested in that can give you the inside scoop on men...how we think, what we think, the whole enchilada. Yes, you need an informant, to provide real time and real life intel on how to land the big fish you are looking for.....and yes the sex as well. Because even for me, the coolest guy ever, at the end of that fishing trip....I wanted to get laid.
I am just looking for suggestions for bars and coffee shops. I didn't ask for advice on other things so I skipped most of the posts because it's not going to change my personality or my views. This is the San Diego forum so I asked specific questions on businesses, not love advice (I go to the relationship forum for that!).
Your honesty has been refreshing, Naomi, but you are not coming off well, almost naive and emotionally vacant. But, I do admire your spirit and intent on "not settling". But we all settle at one point or another and play the cards that are dealt to us instead of playing a fantasy hand. I settled on the fact that I would never become president, I settled on the fact that I would never marry the girl from "The Facts of Life" and I settled on the fact that I would not be the richest man in the world.
It doesn't mean I live in misery and hardship, I am always trying to advance, move the ball forward, make an extra buck and conquer my workplace. I definitely didn't settle on my wife, but if i would have stuck to my "criteria", she would have slipped away and walked right on by.
We went fishing one of the first times we went out and she got up early in the morning and made burritos and coffee and bought an old blanket at the thrift store the night before because it was going to be cold. That was it, I was sold. My wife was not a super model, not even a model, nor was she a doctor, lawyer..etc But she won me, and I am the coolest guy ever...just ask me and I'll tell you so.
I like all the comments in this thread and find them spot on, even some of the racier ones relating to hotness and fake boobs. You are really getting an education into the male condition Naomi, a man's psyche is complex and not as simple as it may seem.
I would suggest you seek the advice of a male friend that you are not interested in that can give you the inside scoop on men...how we think, what we think, the whole enchilada. Yes, you need an informant, to provide real time and real life intel on how to land the big fish you are looking for.....and yes the sex as well. Because even for me, the coolest guy ever, at the end of that fishing trip....I wanted to get laid.
echo42, this post of yours won me over for your honesty and testament to the male, and has me in shock we sparred over a bias that local restaurants are not generally medicore. well done. i gotta ask which 'fact of life' girl did you want to bang? i'm hoping not natalie or mrs. garrett, though the latter may have some good experience. i think i liked the captain's daughter on the 'love boat'
I am just looking for suggestions for bars and coffee shops. I didn't ask for advice on other things so I skipped most of the posts because it's not going to change my personality or my views. This is the San Diego forum so I asked specific questions on businesses, not love advice (I go to the relationship forum for that!).
This isn't LA or NYC or Chicago or DC. There are certain places where you have your known Martini bars and so on where you could go and meet successful wealthy men. San Diego really doesn't have those things. So you could go to happy hour wine bars downtown where there are lawyers, law students, prosecutors, and business men. Go to Little Italy at certain times and there are a lot of successful people or well to do people. Go to places in Coronado where there are rich adults who never worked a day in their lives. Go to Del Mar or La Jolla and search for some wealthy man.
The problem with all of this is that this is San Diego. This isn't the Northeast. It's not LA. There really are no super successful "white collar" types who hang out at one bar or coffee shop. There might be a couple of places downtown where lawyers go after work, but I have no clue what you consider successful.
You seem to be in the "La Jolla or Del Mar" only attitude and seem to have no comprehension that people don't really work in those locations. Its not like they are known to be hangouts for the successful working people of the world. Which means you are more likely looking for some sugar daddy or something like that. Which is fine. But you probably are in the wrong county. As great as San Diego is, hanging out at bars in La Jolla or Del Mar is probably not going to find you some millionaire who is just waiting to find you at a starbucks.
A little advice for you even though you don't want it. What you're looking for probably won't exist in San diego unless you're super hot and 24 or super hot and 30. If you're not, you will probably be disappointed in who you actually meet at starbucks or some bar in La Jolla or Del Mar.
This isn't LA or NYC or Chicago or DC. There are certain places where you have your known Martini bars and so on where you could go and meet successful wealthy men. San Diego really doesn't have those things. So you could go to happy hour wine bars downtown where there are lawyers, law students, prosecutors, and business men. Go to Little Italy at certain times and there are a lot of successful people or well to do people. Go to places in Coronado where there are rich adults who never worked a day in their lives.Go to Del Mar or La Jolla and search for some wealthy man.
The problem with all of this is that this is San Diego. This isn't the Northeast. It's not LA. There really are no super successful "white collar" types who hang out at one bar or coffee shop. There might be a couple of places downtown where lawyers go after work, but I have no clue what you consider successful.
You seem to be in the "La Jolla or Del Mar" only attitude and seem to have no comprehension that people don't really work in those locations. Its not like they are known to be hangouts for the successful working people of the world. Which means you are more likely looking for some sugar daddy or something like that. Which is fine. But you probably are in the wrong county. As great as San Diego is, hanging out at bars in La Jolla or Del Mar is probably not going to find you some millionaire who is just waiting to find you at a starbucks.
A little advice for you even though you don't want it. What you're looking for probably won't exist in San diego unless you're super hot and 24 or super hot and 30. If you're not, you will probably be disappointed in who you actually meet at starbucks or some bar in La Jolla or Del Mar.
Do activities you like to do and you will meet people you might like. Sorry for the complexity.
- Dr. Joyce Ann Bloom Landers Brothers
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