Moving to San Diego need HELP from Moms of pre-teens!!!! (Poway: fit in, spring break)

[APeterman]

Hi! We're making a move to southern California close to Kick Force ATA Miramar Blvd (martial arts school)
Would like some opinions on cities near this martial arts school as well as opinions on Middle/high schools such as Challenger Middle school and Scripps Ranch High school from other moms and even teens who might read this. I need insider perspective and here's why:

We are coming from a rich school district that highly frowns upon middle class. We do not want a repeat of that.
We are coming from a growing culturally diverse system 60% white/40% Indian, so it's been hard for him to find his place due to social economic and cultural gaps. We're white and middle class and looking for a good mixture of kids in his schools and neighborhoods.

We are humble people looking to advance my sons martial arts career. It's all about him right now, and I'm honored to help him in any way I can. But I CANNOT have him be miserable again in another school where he doesn't fit in! He doesn't see color, but that's not how every parent raises their kiddos. He just wants to find his place where he can find kids who love sports, outdoors and true friendships. We have a lot of shallow people in our current community and we often feel left out.

Low crime, nice kid vibe and nearby activities for the kiddos would be major bonuses.

I am not REPEAT not racist, have been discriminated against because of MY color by my OWN color, so I totally get it! I just don't need a repeat of that nightmare!

God bless!

[lrmsd]

I live in Carmel Valley with a tween in the middle school. The demographics are kind of similar [not sure exact percentage but high amount of asian-korea, china and india- with probably 50% caucasian and a sprinklnig of others.

My child has done well and likes it...and we rent an apt, as do other families, but the area is affluent overall. The socio economic and cultural demographic aspects are prominent in many of the affluent SD suburbs of north county, though.

I would say this is somewhat similar in all the communities along the 56 corridor, to a lesser extent than CV. ie, penasquitos, carmel mountain ranch, poway, scripp's [i know a family with a Scripp's Ranch middle schooler; they do well there and are middle class, but so cal skews heavily as a place where class/status/image are prominent. Not in the same way that is for old east coast communities, but it's still a factor in lifestyle.] Also, the variable of many families moving in solely for the school district, including many first generation immigrants, has created an ambiance that is not particularly integrated. People do self-segregate and yes, the parents tend to congregate their kids with other families from their cultural background. It's challenging also b/c it's not a particularly open cross cultural environment, even though SD is a live and let live area. But it's not like places I've lived that have more collegiate atmospheres where people want to mix and mingle with folks from all over. I have found that [ie, mixing w/folks, having dinner, etc] was more common in the urban SD neighborhoods I lived in, but not in CV or the surrounding burbs, for the most part.

My child's best friends here, however, span all ages and ethnic groups, including south american, persian, indian, etc. So I wouldn't say it's inhospitable for the kids, per se. The parents are another story-lol. [I will not name specifics, but certain demographics are friendlier/more open than others who are flat out not friendly to other groups and definitely not interested in american tradition, and are here solely for jobs/schools. And there is an arranged marriage demographic, too...] And, the affluent white families here are 'usually' also not interested in mixing and mingling, so it definitely works both ways. Heck, they don't hang with me either. It's a fascinating place! LOL

As far as options: I'd say maybe Poway would be a good option to check out. The dynamic/factors you mentioned may be less prominent there. Scripp's ranch would be second option. Mira Mesa schools are not the best. You could also check solana beach and encinitas, not sure about martial arts schools there. I think ATA is everywhere, though...

This is a touchy subject and the thread topic would maybe get moved to political or other forums if it gets off track, so to be clear: I'm just stating outright what my experiences have been personally and which areas may be good for you based on my experience.

Also, these competitive school systems add elements that make dynamics that much worse. I'd say you may want to look into more decidedly middle class areas that are harder to find in so cal. Other parts of the country have more middle of the road communities/cities with really good schools, too.

Also, have you checked out reviews on great schools dot org ?
Good luck.

[APeterman]

Yes, I've been doing tons of research, however I have learned from a move north a few years ago, to ask the local community first. Pictures and graphs don't tell the whole story.

I understand the impact of moving across the country and this time need to focus more on my son's feeling of belonging and his budding martial art career. I'll look further into both locations. Cart before the horse, school, job, house, martial arts school??? UGGGHH! It's a logistical nightmare!!!

[lrmsd]

Originally Posted by APeterman

Yes, I've been doing tons of research, however I have learned from a move north a few years ago, to ask the local community first. Pictures and graphs don't tell the whole story.

I understand the impact of moving across the country and this time need to focus more on my son's feeling of belonging and his budding martial art career. I'll look further into both locations. Cart before the horse, school, job, house, martial arts school??? UGGGHH! It's a logistical nightmare!!!

Well, if you are across country now, I am sorry to say that I don't think your son will find the belonging aspect here in SD. The dynamics you mentioned are very present in the suburbs of SD. I don't think so cal in general is a good spot, too, if you want to live a middle class life b/c it's largely affluent or aspiring affluent and then 'the rest of us'. From your list of desired criteria, I would not recommend SD or so cal.

I think maybe some midwest cities/towns would be a good choice for you? Places where modesty is valued, and good schools are a part of the landscape for everyone, for the most part.

I grew up in MA, and in new england, it was fairly standard for everyone to get a good basic education. Regardless of whether a student woudl go to college or not, the basics were taught. People could read, write and reason, for the most part. Yes, there is a class structure and some school district snobbery for sure, but I'd say the east coast and midwest more egalitarian in terms of educational investment, generally speaking. Iowa comes to mind as an option to check out. You could also check OH, PA and maybe CO. From your post, I do not think so cal is what you are looking for to transition from your current situation. It has all the same components that are negative for you where you are now, from what you said. It sounds like you may be in the NE now; like I mentioned, demographics have changed a lot all over....

Good luck and the great schools reviews can help paint a picture since they are written by students and parents.
I think you can find what you are looking for...just not here. My two cents. Also, my child studied martial arts for several years; honestly you can find chain schools everywhere and there are always great schools/teachers of many traditions in nearly every large town or small city.

Also, I did not clarify in previous post: Carmel Valley is about 20 minutes from Mira Mesa/Scripp's Ranch; I'm VERY familiar with the landscape of SD suburban school districts and SD county as a whole. I'm telling you for fact that what you are saying is not working about where you are right now, is strongly present here in the areas of SD you are looking at.

[capoeira]

Originally Posted by APeterman

We are humble people looking to advance my sons martial arts career.

To advance his martial arts career it is essential to avoid McDojos! I suggest visiting at least five different schools in your new location to find the best match. I would avoid any school that insists on long term contracts.

McDojo FAQ

Originally Posted by APeterman

He just wants to find his place where he can find kids who love sports, outdoors and true friendships.

Low crime, nice kid vibe and nearby activities for the kiddos would be major bonuses.

Sounds like somewhere in the Midwest like Wisconsin or Minnesota.

[APeterman]

Thanks all, keep the comments coming. It's super helpful. Background: we live in Dallas and I was born and raised in Michigan and moved to Texas when I was a teenager. So we love the small town feel with the large town amenities, love the beach and people who are laid back. Looking for a more accepting community and dynamic, more progressive atmosphere for his martial arts training.

Thanks for the advice on DOJO's, I know you are very right about that. I will take your advice and visit other schools a little closer to LA during spring break and I believe we will know when we find the right school.

[mandasand]

San Diego is very culturally diverse and I also think neighborhoods can be mixed here. For example, there are "poorer" pockets in excellent school districts and you'll always see the have and have nots. But it's San Diego and the general attitude here is friendly. Scripps Ranch, Poway or Tierrasanta would be fine I think.

[APeterman]

Thank you, please keep comments coming. I appreciate it all very much! I can research all day, but nothing replaces real life experiences!

[TimTheEnchanter]

I would look at the schools first and then which neighborhoods serve those schools.

The Poway USD is a great school district and decidedly middle class. Poway, Rancho Penisquitos, etc remind me of the Midwest in a lot of ways. I don't think you need the bad weather of Iowa & Minnesota to find Midwest attitude.