Single Mom possible move to Oceanside (San Diego, San Clemente: apartments, home, schools)

[Scarlet486]

Hello! I am a 30 year old single mom with a 5 year old daughter. I have been reading these forums for many years and I've finally decided to post. I lived in Oceanside from 2009-2012. At the time I was married to a Marine and we had a daughter that was born there, she is now 5. Since then we were relocated, got divorced and I moved back home to Southern Illinois. Pretty much since the day I left I have been dreaming of moving back to Southern California. Oceanside is where we lived the first few months we lived there so I would be comfortable moving back again. Other than my job there is nothing keeping me here. I hate the weather and my family is more of a burden than a help to me. My daughters dad has lived 9 hours away since our divorce in 2012 and only sees her twice a year so moving her away from him isn't a big deal really. He does pay a great deal of child support which does help tremendously. For the last 4 years (7 years total though) I have worked as a server in a well known restaurant but sadly they do not have any restaurants open in California at this time. When I lived in San Clemente I did move out cleanings for apartments and military housing which was very very profitable. I am hoping to get back into that but may need to take a server job for awhile to make income. I currently live in a town of 17,000 people that have never left home their entire lives. They look at me like I have 12 heads when I mention coming back. I guess my question is should I just do it? I am more than willing to live in a 1 bedroom apartment and eat pb&j and ramen if I have to. I lived there before so I know the cost of gas and all that. Should I do it? Can I make it on a server wage? I have some college classes under my belt and my job code right now falls under Human Resources but I don't have a degree in it.

Edited to add: I do have a military wife that just moved back there that has offered to watch her for free while I work. So I do have a sitter of sorts.
*Her dad lives in Louisiana and I live in Illinois. I would get his permission of course before moving but again he only sees her on her birthday and Christmas but otherwise doesn't write, text or call to speak with her.

Thanks!
California dreaming on a snowy winters day in Illinois.

[USDefault]

My daughters dad has lived 9 hours away since our divorce in 2012 and only sees her twice a year so moving her away from him isn't a big deal really.

Better ensure you can move to the west coast. Does your divorce decree say anything about it? State laws can have a lot to say about divorcee relocation when children are at issue.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by Scarlet486

I am more than willing to live in a 1 bedroom apartment and eat pb&j and ramen if I have to. Should I do it? Can I make it on a server wage? I have some college classes under my belt but I don't have a degree.

You may be willing to eat ramen and live in a tiny apartment, but is your daughter?

Have you considered finishing your college degree first so that you can get a better paying job when you move back to California? You may have to wait a few years to get away from the snow, but your daughter will thank you for waiting instead of putting her into a situation where you may have to just scrape by.

If you decide you have to do this NOW, keep in mind that rents in all of San Diego County, including Oceanside, have skyrocketed in the last five years, so you probably won't find an apartment at the price you were paying when you first lived here.

Also, the servers who make enough money to survive here are the ones who can work evenings and weekends, and that might be problematic as a single mom of a 5 year old with no local family or support system.

So, a starting point to your dream might be to check out what 1-bedroom apartments in Oceanside and other areas are going for these days and also look into whether you can find an equivalent 9 to 5 job out here to your current one without having a long commute.

Also, investigate schools (in Oceanside and other areas) and the cost of child care/after school care and factor that into your budget.

Add up child support and potential income based on similar jobs here, factor in any debt you may have or incur with the move, and see if "California dreaming" is realistic financially.

Ultimately, the only person who can decide "should I do it" is you.

Good luck with your decision.

[Scarlet486]

Originally Posted by USDefault

Better ensure you can move to the west coast. Does your divorce decree say anything about it? State laws can have a lot to say about divorcee relocation when children are at issue.

Good point. He lives in Louisiana and I live in Illinois though. He doesn't skype, text l, call or write except on her birthday and Christmas. I would be sure to get his permission first before I did anything.

[Scarlet486]

Originally Posted by RosieSD

You may be willing to eat ramen and live in a tiny apartment, but is your daughter?

My advice would be: finish your college degree so that you can get a professional job when you move back to California.

You may have to wait a few years to get away from the snow, but your daughter will thank you for waiting instead of putting her into a situation where you have to just scrape by.

If you decide you have to do this NOW, then keep in mind that rents in all of San Diego County, including Oceanside, have skyrocketed in the last five years, so you probably won't find an apartment at the price you were paying when you first lived here. So, a starting point might be to check out what 1-bedroom apartments in Oceanside are going for these days, and also look into whether you can find an equivalent job to your current one out here without having to do a long commute. The servers that make the most are the ones who can work nights, and that might be problematic as a single mom with a 4 year old. Also, look into the cost of child care/after school care here, and factor that into your budget.

Ultimately, the only person who can decide "should I do it" is you.

Good luck with your decision.

Great things for me to consider! Currently she only eats chicken nuggets and Pizza rolls! Lol Ideally I will not make any decisions until I have a giant chunk of savings along with a job.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by Scarlet486

Great things for me to consider! Currently she only eats chicken nuggets and Pizza rolls! Lol Ideally I will not make any decisions until I have a giant chunk of savings along with a job.

LOL, my daughter went through a similar phase. She's in her late 20s now and doesn't eat chicken nuggets, but still has pizza rolls in her freezer.

It sounds like you will make a cautious decision, taking your daughter's needs into account as well as your own. That's always a good thing.

One last thought: I know when my kids were your daughter's age, it seemed like I was in a horrible rut and that life was always going to be the same. Raising kids is tough and exhausting, especially as a single parent. I mention this because sometimes the places we've lived in the past seem better in our memory than where we are in the present because we're unhappy with life in general. When that's the case, moving doesn't solve all of our problems or make us happier; it just puts us in a different place with the same issues (and sometimes new ones).

So, as part of your thought process, you might consider if there is anything you could do to make yourself happier in Illinois. Obviously, you can't change the weather, but maybe there are steps you could take or things you could change in your current situation to get closer to "Illinois dreaming" instead of hoping to recreate past happiness in California. Give it some thought.

I wish you the best.

[Scarlet486]

Originally Posted by RosieSD

LOL, my daughter went through a similar phase. She's in her late 20s now and doesn't eat chicken nuggets, but still has pizza rolls in her freezer.

It sounds like you will make a cautious decision, taking your daughter's needs into account as well as your own. That's always a good thing.

One last thought: I know when my kids were your daughter's age, it seemed like I was in a horrible rut and that life was always going to be the same. Raising kids is tough and exhausting, especially as a single parent. I mention this because sometimes the places we've lived in the past seem better in our memory than where we are in the present because we're unhappy with life in general. When that's the case, moving doesn't solve all of our problems or make us happier; it just puts us in a different place with the same issues (and sometimes new ones).

So, as part of your thought process, you might consider if there is anything you could do to make yourself happier in Illinois. Obviously, you can't change the weather, but maybe there are steps you could take or things you could change in your current situation to get closer to "Illinois dreaming" instead of hoping to recreate past happiness in California. Give it some thought.

I wish you the best.

Wonderful response and yes I often wonder if I just have grass is greener on the other side syndrome. Maybe we just need to stick with a vacation every few years.