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OMFG, I have not insulted anyone...if you take time to read it you will see that I am simply responding to their caddy and insulting responses. YOu think a stranger telling me that i go out to hook up is called for? they don't know me.
many good people have given helpful information on here, but there are the couple that just have to have themselves be heard cuz they love the sound of their own 'voice'
like you,,,,,,if it doesn't refer to what the original post is in a helpful way, then just shut the f&&k up...
it's simple...
about the blog thing...sorry i don't live online...thought i would give it a shot but obviously a bunch of flakes are on here too...lol there's no escape.
and I don't mean that towards those that helped me on here...i'm only refering to the FLAKES...
cheers
You've received some good tips so I hope you find what you're looking for.
I was single until I was 36 & living in Santa Barbara. I am a transplanted NYer via Texas & Buffalo before landing in SoCal. All I know is that trying to meet people in bars & beach areas resulted more often than not in meeting 20-somethings that were not on the same wavelength as I was on. Also, it was pretty common for those environments to be more conducive to hook-ups rather than more meaningful interaction.
When I was in my mid-30s, I was always being carded & mistaken for being under-30. I "was" (hah) fun and all that but when push came to shove, 20-something-year-old guys and I had really nothing in common beyond the shallow stuff. Frankly, most younger guys I met didn't really want to hang with someone "older" unless it was to brag about being with an older woman (gag). And really, that wasn't my scene.
As for flakes, most of our flakey friends ("hey...let's get together...it's been long...we miss you...I'll call you...") ARE transplants from the east coast & mid-west. But as others have said, there are flakes EVERYWHERE.
Regarding the west coast gal thing, in my mind, "west coast gal" refers to California girls and more loosely to Oregonian/WA gals. I have female cousins from BC but we've never thought of them as "west coast gals" (yes...I know my geography - I lived in Thurso, Quebec as a child). I don't think it's uncommon to think this way - that in the US, someone from BC is not thought to be a "west coast gal".
BTW - what the heck does "caddy" mean? I've seen this used often on message boards but have never bothered to ask what it refers to.
Seems like you just want to hang out with the "cool kids" even though you're not a kid. Nothing wrong with wanting to act younger than your age, but even if you look young you still may not relate to the 20 somethings as much as you think you do. And if you are good looking and look 27 plenty of men over 30 will be interested, so I doubt only 23-30 year olds ask you out unless you avoid venues that have older men or you come across as immature. Even in the latter case plenty would ask you out just in hopes of getting lucky.
BTW, there are plenty of 40's-50's that can out party even you, go on hikes (without a walker), and believe it or not a few even surf.
LOL, it has nothing to do with the 'cool kids' it's who I am, what I enjoy doing. hanging with older kinda feels like I'm hangin with dad is all.
I'm definitely not immature, I'm the CEO of a company, however, I also promote parties around the world which is why I suppose I have befriended so many of the younger crowd, DJ's and such. As well I promote the playboy mansion parties, so there are many and older generation trying to get those sought after tickets.
Can't really explain why the younger crowd entices me, or I them, it's just how it ended up. lol. however, please keep in mind, I don't hang with the young crowd that is unemployed and calls me dude all the time...lol I've met those ones, but I do have friends that are 23 to 30 that own thier own businesses, are helicopter pilots, Leuitenants in the Navy, in politics (LOL I know) etc. So even though my crowd may be young, I do make sure they do have a head on their shoulders and lots of ambition.
You've received some good tips so I hope you find what you're looking for.
I was single until I was 36 & living in Santa Barbara. I am a transplanted NYer via Texas & Buffalo before landing in SoCal. All I know is that trying to meet people in bars & beach areas resulted more often than not in meeting 20-somethings that were not on the same wavelength as I was on. Also, it was pretty common for those environments to be more conducive to hook-ups rather than more meaningful interaction.
When I was in my mid-30s, I was always being carded & mistaken for being under-30. I "was" (hah) fun and all that but when push came to shove, 20-something-year-old guys and I had really nothing in common beyond the shallow stuff. Frankly, most younger guys I met didn't really want to hang with someone "older" unless it was to brag about being with an older woman (gag). And really, that wasn't my scene.
As for flakes, most of our flakey friends ("hey...let's get together...it's been long...we miss you...I'll call you...") ARE transplants from the east coast & mid-west. But as others have said, there are flakes EVERYWHERE.
Regarding the west coast gal thing, in my mind, "west coast gal" refers to California girls and more loosely to Oregonian/WA gals. I have female cousins from BC but we've never thought of them as "west coast gals" (yes...I know my geography - I lived in Thurso, Quebec as a child). I don't think it's uncommon to think this way - that in the US, someone from BC is not thought to be a "west coast gal".
BTW - what the heck does "caddy" mean? I've seen this used often on message boards but have never bothered to ask what it refers to.
Well in reference to the West Coast Gal, Vancouver is on the West Coast, as is Washington, Oregon and California, (as you know) so I'm not sure who is to say that Vancouver is not considered West Coast. We're right on the Pacific Ocean. Interior British columbia, while West, is not on the Coast, however, Vancouver, Whistler, Vancouver Island is right on the Coast, although whistler is a bit inland but still considered West Coast.
it's how we have always refered to ourselves...I just wish Some American's would stop with the 'we' don't do this, 'we' don't think that, 'we' don't refer to you as that, because it sounds sooooo obnoxious. You say ' I don't think it's uncommon to think this way - that in the US, someone from BC is not thought to be a "west coast gal". it's statements like that which create the view of the USA that the rest of the World has...hence "Team America" lovingly created by Canadians...admit it, it was funny... LOL
So 'we' Vancouverites consider ourselves West Coast simply because.......We are on the West Coast! just like the rest of the West Coast, not sure how that differs in the least, aside from some peoples small views on the rest of the world.
As for Caddy, it is a person who carries golf clubs for the golfer...LOL
actually spelled 'Catty' refers to slyly malicious; spiteful: a catty gossip
I haven't made enough friends out here yet to comment, but I am finding that employers/prospective employers are flakes out here. Up until today, I had one of the most seemingly straighforward jobs imaginable (which is what I want since I will be going back to school and won't want to deal with any more stress than necessary) yet due to a consistant and COMPLETE lack of communication/organization/respect throughout the company, it has been a complete headache. I decided while tossing and turning (because of the job) at 3am that it wasnt worth it and that I was going to just blow it off. I haven't done this since I was in my late teens and didn't care about any of the b/s jobs I took, but to fight fire with fire and make a statement, I just blew it off and turned a three day weekend into a four day weekend . Of course, I have a second job and backup plans. For a company that can't seem to remember to do ANYTHING, they sure put a help wanted ad on Craigslist pretty quickly. This time they apparently decided to advertise it accurately and not exaggerate the appeal of the job. Maybe they'll even bother training my replacement without him/her having to throw a fit to get them to do it. Anyway, my other employer (which ironically is the one I thought would not work out) blew off the interview AND the rescheduled interview, then apologized and just told me to show up for training...I'm hired. It was an easy and appealing enough job that I didn't care, so I took it and have no regrets. Another interviewer verbally committed to hiring me and then never called back or returned phone calls. Others just didn't respond to follow up messages, which is standard, but not something I ever did in any management positions I had. Anyway, my $.02 in rambling format after a few Sam Adams Summer Ales.
Another interviewer verbally committed to hiring me and then never called back or returned phone calls. Others just didn't respond to follow up messages, which is standard, but not something I ever did in any management positions I had. Anyway, my $.02 in rambling format after a few Sam Adams Summer Ales.
This gave me a bad flashback from 1994. It was implied to me at an interview that an offer was imminent but I never heard a thing and the "manager" involved hid behind his voice mail when I tried to follow up.
Be a man and tell me (even by letter) that a better candidate was found. But I never heard a thing from this jackass.
Turns out I really lucked out not hiring on there but at the time (a very bad job market for my field) it sucked.
Well in reference to the West Coast Gal, Vancouver is on the West Coast, as is Washington, Oregon and California, (as you know) so I'm not sure who is to say that Vancouver is not considered West Coast. We're right on the Pacific Ocean. Interior British columbia, while West, is not on the Coast, however, Vancouver, Whistler, Vancouver Island is right on the Coast, although whistler is a bit inland but still considered West Coast.
Let me see if I can clear this up for you. Words and phrases, though the same, can have different implied (and often literal) meanings in different regions. This is most often the case with slang terms, which "West Coast Gal" sort of is.
In the US when you say you are a West Coast Gal, it implies that you are from the US West Coast, and more specifically California, and even still most will assume Southern California. This is part of our Country's regional terminology, and you may not like it, but don't come here and tell us how we need to change because you don't agree.
This is what it means here, you can't change the entire country's perception of that phrase. If anyone is going to change it's going to have to be you, or you're going to have to live with the fact that people are going to disagree with you while you are here in the US claiming that growing up in Canada made you a "West Coast Gal". As the saying goes: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." In other words you need to adapt to the culture of place that you are visiting not the other way around.
No one is telling you, that you're not from a West coast region-- let's make that perfectly clear. After all you can be from the West coast of Africa, Europe, South America, Australia, Hawaii, Japan, etc, but in the US that doesn't make you a West Coast Gal, that makes you a person from the West Coast of whatever area you're from.
Now, back on topic-- I've always looked younger than my true age as well. I'm 40 now and when newer acquaintances find out, they are always surprised about it. So I can appreciate your position. I did and do enjoy the energy of the younger set, however, they tend to be the flakiest age group you can try to draw friends from. If you insist this is where you must look for friends, then be prepared to work harder to make a lasting connection.
Everyone else has already mentioned you weren't looking in the best areas for lasting friendships and add to that you're not looking at the best age group for this either. You've set yourself up for a double whammy in that regard. I'm not saying it's impossible to find your next 20-something BFF at a bar or hanging out at the beach, but the prospects are much more limited.
You've taken some positive steps by joining the meetup group and I'd also suggest taking some sort of live in person class or club where you can meet people in person that share some of your interests. You'll be around the same people for several weeks, giving you plenty of time to make connections. Join a volleyball team/club, take a hip-hop class (lots of young folks there) or a surfing class, or a class at a community college.
Also, considering the fact that not all 20-somethings are not created equal, and that SD is often considered a party town, and the UCSD a party college, perhaps the people you are running into aren't really "your people" despite the fact that they may have been in other areas. Maybe here to find what you are looking for, you really need to look at a slightly older age range to be happier with their prospects as potential long term friends.
Simple response. I've been in California for 25 years.
1: You want to run with the 20-something crowd. You're going to have to learn to accept that the 20-something crowd is generally non-commital. Meaning they're not into that type of stable connection that you seek.
2: You like to party and do whatever. Fine. Just accept that you're not going to find someone settled. You can't have it both ways. If you want someone who's a party fiend, learn to do without the settled attitude.
3: You don't want someone older, even though they're way more likely to give you what you want.
4: You're too used to having tons of men friends around you non-sexually. The US is a different dynamic and California is 10X that dynamic. Either get used to the fact that deep down, your heterosexual male friends are always going to want their turn with you, or don't have male friends.
5: If you give a guy the impression that you're never going to have anything more to do with him than friends, it's a turnoff. I had this discussion with a friend I used to have, she's Korean and 35. Always closed-minded to possibilities yet would get angry when someone like me would be dismissive. That's why. We don't like closed minds.
6: It sounds like you're trying to introduce yourself and cross your fingers hoping that whoever will attach themselves to you. That's not how it works out here. You need to put up the effort. Why don't YOU call THEM after the fact and ask to go out? Why wait for them to follow up? Maybe they're waiting on you, did you account for that?
California in particular moves fast. You need to move fast with California, or you get run over. Your other choice is to sit back and wait for someone to run into you instead of trying to play bumper cars with people like you've been doing.
On a side note I noticed your rant about people who replied to you. The fact that you don't like the answers you got is not a free pass to go off on people nor does it make them flakes. We're just giving you something you can feel. Take it or leave it, but if you disregard the facts people are putting on you, trust and believe you will be very disappointed as long as you're here.
Let me see if I can clear this up for you. Words and phrases, though the same, can have different implied (and often literal) meanings in different regions. This is most often the case with slang terms, which "West Coast Gal" sort of is.
In the US when you say you are a West Coast Gal, it implies that you are from the US West Coast, and more specifically California, and even still most will assume Southern California. This is part of our Country's regional terminology, and you may not like it, but don't come here and tell us how we need to change because you don't agree.
This is what it means here, you can't change the entire country's perception of that phrase. If anyone is going to change it's going to have to be you, or you're going to have to live with the fact that people are going to disagree with you while you are here in the US claiming that growing up in Canada made you a "West Coast Gal". As the saying goes: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." In other words you need to adapt to the culture of place that you are visiting not the other way around.
No one is telling you, that you're not from a West coast region-- let's make that perfectly clear. After all you can be from the West coast of Africa, Europe, South America, Australia, Hawaii, Japan, etc, but in the US that doesn't make you a West Coast Gal, that makes you a person from the West Coast of whatever area you're from.
Now, back on topic-- I've always looked younger than my true age as well. I'm 40 now and when newer acquaintances find out, they are always surprised about it. So I can appreciate your position. I did and do enjoy the energy of the younger set, however, they tend to be the flakiest age group you can try to draw friends from. If you insist this is where you must look for friends, then be prepared to work harder to make a lasting connection.
Everyone else has already mentioned you weren't looking in the best areas for lasting friendships and add to that you're not looking at the best age group for this either. You've set yourself up for a double whammy in that regard. I'm not saying it's impossible to find your next 20-something BFF at a bar or hanging out at the beach, but the prospects are much more limited.
You've taken some positive steps by joining the meetup group and I'd also suggest taking some sort of live in person class or club where you can meet people in person that share some of your interests. You'll be around the same people for several weeks, giving you plenty of time to make connections. Join a volleyball team/club, take a hip-hop class (lots of young folks there) or a surfing class, or a class at a community college.
Also, considering the fact that not all 20-somethings are not created equal, and that SD is often considered a party town, and the UCSD a party college, perhaps the people you are running into aren't really "your people" despite the fact that they may have been in other areas. Maybe here to find what you are looking for, you really need to look at a slightly older age range to be happier with their prospects as potential long term friends.
It's ok, I know some american's don't like being told how it is in other places. funny enough, out on the 4th of July last night, I was talking with some people from Florida, San Diego, and Seattle and when they asked where I was from and I said Vancouver, They ALL said, "ahhh a West Coast Girl"
so I guess it's just 'some' american's that insist on having it 'their' way.
I would love to get those of you in another country to see how welcomed you are...well that said, depends on how you react to a different culture.
see if I was you, and I said to you "We consider ourselves as West Coast Gals/Guys even up in Vancouver" Instead of balking at such an absurdity as you see it, I would have said.
"hmm, I never thought of it that way, but I guess considering everything, you're right, well I learn something new each day".
Instead of the unfortunate typical response of "YOU'RE IN THE USA NOW DO AS WE SAY NOT AS WE DO"
Go Team America! hehe
I am just lucky that there are millions of people here in the US and not everyone is like that, and I should be so lucky as to make friends with those ones.
Simple response. I've been in California for 25 years.
1: You want to run with the 20-something crowd. You're going to have to learn to accept that the 20-something crowd is generally non-commital. Meaning they're not into that type of stable connection that you seek.
2: You like to party and do whatever. Fine. Just accept that you're not going to find someone settled. You can't have it both ways. If you want someone who's a party fiend, learn to do without the settled attitude.
3: You don't want someone older, even though they're way more likely to give you what you want.
4: You're too used to having tons of men friends around you non-sexually. The US is a different dynamic and California is 10X that dynamic. Either get used to the fact that deep down, your heterosexual male friends are always going to want their turn with you, or don't have male friends.
5: If you give a guy the impression that you're never going to have anything more to do with him than friends, it's a turnoff. I had this discussion with a friend I used to have, she's Korean and 35. Always closed-minded to possibilities yet would get angry when someone like me would be dismissive. That's why. We don't like closed minds.
6: It sounds like you're trying to introduce yourself and cross your fingers hoping that whoever will attach themselves to you. That's not how it works out here. You need to put up the effort. Why don't YOU call THEM after the fact and ask to go out? Why wait for them to follow up? Maybe they're waiting on you, did you account for that?
California in particular moves fast. You need to move fast with California, or you get run over. Your other choice is to sit back and wait for someone to run into you instead of trying to play bumper cars with people like you've been doing.
On a side note I noticed your rant about people who replied to you. The fact that you don't like the answers you got is not a free pass to go off on people nor does it make them flakes. We're just giving you something you can feel. Take it or leave it, but if you disregard the facts people are putting on you, trust and believe you will be very disappointed as long as you're here.
All I have to say to you is that it's a sad sad world if you can't be friends with the opposite sex simply because you "can't get your turn"
I do have friends in the US, male friends, who have never 'had thier turn' with me.
The fact that they took time to get to know me, and that I am a great wingman, friend, and cool chick all around, they would never imagine NOT being my friend simply cuz I wouldn't put out.
And regardless of what you say, I am not changing my outlook on people, age regardless, I have and I know I will again meet those good people men and women that see people for what they are, and not what they can get from them.
I pity those that don't. they are missing out on some awsome times, people and a fantastic network of friends.
terrific. the thread says making friends in san diego.how is that going?
great comment on preaching, tremendous sense of humor. in vancouver do you have a lot of friends? i know you will have them here too. welcome.
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. Of course, I have a second job and backup plans. For a company that can't seem to remember to do ANYTHING, they sure put a help wanted ad on Craigslist pretty quickly. This time they apparently decided to advertise it accurately and not exaggerate the appeal of the job. Maybe they'll even bother training my replacement without him/her having to throw a fit to get them to do it. Anyway, my other employer (which ironically is the one I thought would not work out) blew off the interview AND the rescheduled interview, then apologized and just told me to show up for training...I'm hired. It was an easy and appealing enough job that I didn't care, so I took it and have no regrets. Another interviewer verbally committed to hiring me and then never called back or returned phone calls. Others just didn't respond to follow up messages, which is standard, but not something I ever did in any management positions I had. Anyway, my $.02 in rambling format after a few Sam Adams Summer Ales. 
