Dating scene in SD?

[bedrock]

I find a surprising number of my fun, pretty, smart, late-20s/early-30s female friends struggle to find a guy with whom to have a serious relationship....

San Diego is rated one of the easiest cities for a girl to get a guy. Since it's a big military town, the males outnumber the females. It's been jokingly said that the theme song for San Diego should be "It's Raining Men", which is the only kind of rain you see a lot of there.

Could someone comment/clarify these two comments? Is most of the single male military population mainly younger men in their twenties so the ladies in their early to mid twenties have their pick of men but the male/female ratio changes significantly by time people reach their late twenties to early thirties?

I guess another possibility is that some of these women only start to openly worry about what's out there if they approach/pass 30 and they're still single?

[edwardius]

You might here it referred to as the sunshine tax. People are willing to work for less to live in a nice climate like San Diego. As a result in San Diego, housing is fairly expensive compared to local incomes.

If you want to get married, buy a house and have kids (or at least date someone where that could be an eventual possibility) there are relatively few people in the dating pool who will, when combined with your own income, allow the two of you to buy a house together in San Diego. In that sense its difficult in San Diego to find someone worthwhile to start a long term relationship with. So when you here people say they are having problems finding a suitable relationship, often that is what they really mean.

The other issue is innate social skills. If you really shy, you are going to have trouble meeting people no matter where you live. If you are really outgoing, you can still be successful even in a very adverse social enviroment. Some of what people are blaming about the local social enviroment is related to their own social skills or lack thereof.

[zwill]

I agree with the comments above that one's personality determines much of their success in dating irrespective of where they live. However, supply and demand does become more of an issue as we approach or pass 35 yrs of age. It's a completely different world dating in your mid-thirties compared to your twenties.
As the old joke goes comparing dating at this age to finding a parking spot- "All the good ones are taken and what's available is handicapped"

This isn't completely true of course, (I keep telling myself as a guy who just turned 34 ). But it does make you think more about male/female ratios if you're contemplating a long-term move. I'm seriously considering a long-term move to SoCal because of the weather, my relaxed personality, and my interest in outdoor fun.
I'm most interested in San Diego but I'm worried that the dating pool of late twenties-to mid-thirties women might be a rather shallow in SD. From the posts I've read, it seems there are primarily college age women and also older divorcees. If I was 24, SD would be the place for me. At 34 I'm wondering if LA would be significantly better for finding women to date who are in their late 20s to mid 30s.

appreciate any thoughts people can share-

[sdurbanite]

While it's true that SD has more men than women living here, it's not by as big of a percentage that some people think. Male/female ratio from 2000 census of the 10 largest cities:



Article - Gender in the United States

[f_m]

Originally Posted by zwill

At 34 I'm wondering if LA would be significantly better for finding women to date who are in their late 20s to mid 30s.

appreciate any thoughts people can share-

Well, there's just a lot more people in the LA area than SD. In the LA area there is also OC, Ventura, San Bernardino, and even Riverside county people that you may come across. They are all packed in closer than in SD.

[edwardius]

Originally Posted by zwill

I agree with the comments above that one's personality determines much of their success in dating irrespective of where they live. However, supply and demand does become more of an issue as we approach or pass 35 yrs of age. It's a completely different world dating in your mid-thirties compared to your twenties.
As the old joke goes comparing dating at this age to finding a parking spot- "All the good ones are taken and what's available is handicapped"

This isn't completely true of course, (I keep telling myself as a guy who just turned 34 ). But it does make you think more about male/female ratios if you're contemplating a long-term move. I'm seriously considering a long-term move to SoCal because of the weather, my relaxed personality, and my interest in outdoor fun.
I'm most interested in San Diego but I'm worried that the dating pool of late twenties-to mid-thirties women might be a rather shallow in SD. From the posts I've read, it seems there are primarily college age women and also older divorcees. If I was 24, SD would be the place for me. At 34 I'm wondering if LA would be significantly better for finding women to date who are in their late 20s to mid 30s.

appreciate any thoughts people can share-

I think the metropolitian area is the wrong metric. When you live in an area, the relevant gender ratio isn't the gender ratio of the 3 million people in the greater urban aggolomeration, its the gender ratio among people you personally know.

A lot of the people in the urban agglomeration are actually not in the dating pool because they are married already, because they are in fact too young or too old, and lastly there are issues of class and race. You don't see a lot of intermarriage between the college educated and the illegal immigrants. You can probably eliminate homosexuals from the dating pool for heterosexuals as well. It that noise from all of the groups that aren't in the dating pool that makes these broad generalisations not very useful.

At the neighborhood level and at work, gender ratios might actually matter. Because those are where people meet each other. People in the same neighborhoods tend to go to the same gyms, the same coffee shops etc and people tend to self-segregate by income and ethnicity in their choice of neighborhood.

But even here, I think social skills trump gender ratios. A lot of people are reluctant to ask someone else out. I know plenty of people who have good relationship skills in terms of sustaining a relationship, but are very poor at actually starting a new relationship. In fact the better you are at sustaining a relationship often the worse you are at starting a new one because you don't have as much experience aquiring a new boyfriend/girlfriend.