Please Help! Love San Diego - Miss Family and long-Term Friends on the East Coast (how much, home)

[bullet77]

I a 41 years old and single and finally got up the courage to move to my favorite place, San Diego. I have never felt more alive and happy while living in San Diego. I tell myself to be a man and move forward and have patience with developing new friendships, although I find myself doubting that I will be able to develop new friendships, at my age, that will come close to my existing friendships and family relationships. And, I wonder, even if I make strong, new friendships in San Diego, will these folks move to other places when they retire, leaving me at square one again. I can't seem to decide on my own - I have been over this a million times in my head and need some clear thoughts to help me snap out of it. My friends are biased and I don't want to make the decision based on guilt. Any thoughts? Many thanks.

[bouncethelight]

Retirement is a long way off for you - at least 25 years - so that's a lot of years to make plenty of friends, even if a few of them choose to retire in different areas. But honestly, most of them will probably stay right here! I know we hear a lot about the high cost of living in Southern California, but there are a lot of seniors here year-round, and then in the winter we get snowbirds from the Northern states and from Canada - so plenty of retired people are just fine here.

[jkoz]

Find a good spouse (easier said that done maybe)--that's "friend" and "family" all rolled into one--once you find that, the two of you cultivate friends together with other couples--in the 40s, it seems easier for couples to meet couples. Also, if she is a SD native or has been here a long time, chances are she'll have long term friends who will become your friends too. True, some might leave for other pastures eventually, but that is and has always been the reality of southern California. Meanwhile, I'm sure your East Coast buddies will want to visit from time to time!

[Steve97415]

What you miss is something that existed in another time more than something that still exists in another place. You can't go back; the only way into the future is forward.

[Kasey77]

Okay, I know I am going to get blasted for this one, but here goes. I moved here many years ago. Moved back to my home town 10 years later. Then circumstance moved me out here again. I have never had the level of friendships here that I have there...NEVER and not even close. I have met many wonderful people here. But, for me, it just has not been the same deep connection. I have been here again since 94 and debate every day about going back. And honestly you can go back. When I go back, it is like I never left. I am welcomed back, loved by my friends and family and feel at home. Who says you can't go back, that is ridiculousl!
My only reason for not moving back right now is financial. If it was not for that, I would be gone. And I still am debating to even go in spite of the money. And so many times I regret moving. I missed so much.
After going through this Holiday, I can see that the real gift of Christmas is the time we have with the people we love.
I know I am going against what everyone else is saying on here. This is just my experience.
I wish you the best in your decision.

[Danalysd]

I am in the same boat, I miss friends and family and you are true when you say that you can't make the same type of friends that you did from your childhood. For me the weather and what Socal has to offer is a good tradeoff. I miss my brother and his kids, he just visited last weekend from Michigan. I miss my childhood buddy that I have known for 20 years (we are meeting him and his wife in Denver next week). I do have my best friend here with me and that is my wife. We are both from the same city in NY originally and we go back to visit friends and family yearly and we have a blast and we really miss them when we do. But for us, this is where we want to be to raise our family and to live. We love So Cal and don't want to move back even though we dont have the friendships and family we had back east. We have made some friends here and have a small group that we do things with and they are our family now. We talk weekly to friends and family. I think you need to decide what is most important to you.

[sav858]

IMO no matter where you go and how much you love it, it will never be like back where you grew up. Home is home and I think it's pretty impossible to build that anywhere w/o family or a spouse with family here. I have no family here and I miss them sooo much as well as my childhood friends. I love SD and part of me almost wishes I grew up here so I could have what I have back in the Bay Area but here b/c I love this place. I have good friends here but it's just not home and never will be. Part of me wants to go back home but part of me doesn't want to leave SD at the same time. It's hard for me to imagine never going back to the Bay Area but it also hard for me to think about moving away from here. It depends on the person imo, SD really has nothing to do with this b/c I think this would be the case no matter where one moved to.

If in a perfect world I would live in both places 6 months at a time.

[Archan]

Making long term friends is easier when you are young, because you are forced into situations where you meet a lot of people like high school and college. Younger people can devote much more time to friendships than later in life when "life" gets in the way. When you're older you have to make an effort to get out and meet people. I am in your same boat and of course I don't listen to my own advice!

[1AngryTaxPayer]

What are your interests? There are a million groups to join based on your interests. That is where you will find people like you that will remain long term friends.

[texaslamar]

try meetup.com or yahoo groups