04-19-2010, 10:48 PM
Location: Wherever I want to be... ;)
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Let me try to explain the best I can my thoughts...
04-19-2010, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
glittergirl816
Okay, this is a bit of a long story, but I will give an abridged version. I got divorced in December, basically because I realized that I am gay. We have two children and in the divorce I let him be deemed residential parent. I moved out to California in mid-November and I have been traveling back and forth from SD to Cleveland to see my children every month. This is extremely stressful and hard on the kids and I. I am living with my girlfriend right now and I would love it if my ex would move out to SD with the kids so we can all be together. I love my children, but I loathe Cleveland. My girlfriend is from there too and absolutely does not want to live their either. But, I need to be a mother to my kids. I'm trying to think of any way I could convince him to move to SD. He would love it there. He's a surfer type, avid hiker/nature lover. Can anyone think of an angle to approach him with that may persuade him to at least entertain the idea? Anytime I mention it, he shoots it down immediately. He is still really angry over the divorce.
Thanks in advance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Snowlife
You got divorced because you "realized {you} were gay"?! I gotta imagine your husband didn't take that well; no offense, but if I was in his position I'd probably want space from you...
Why don't you try just dropping hints about how great it is in SD, without actually saying "Hey so...I hate Cleveland, can you move yourself and our kids to the city I live in now with the woman I left you for, because it would be much more convenient"
Either way, if he has the to move, he should. San Diego is just a better place than Cleveland, its not even a debate. If hes the "surfer type" like you say, I can't imagine hes getting great surf where he is, so try mentioning how great some of the surf spots are, and how amazing the beaches are. Good luck
I'm thinking the fact that you and your partner live there, in the biggest pro-gay state in the USA.... and you just got a divorce.... 2+2 = he wont want to move
04-20-2010, 12:40 AM
Location: Grand Rapids
284 posts, read
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
glittergirl816
Hanna_house~ How would you feel if you told your parents at 15 that you were gay, only to be met with "you will not be gay, or you will never be a part of this family again." ?They were actually going to send me away and completely disown me. It was an ultimatum for them, either I married a man and had kids, like everyone else, or I was no longer their child. What if you did that and realized that you couldn't live that way no matter what? What if you dreaded sleeping in bed with your husband because you knew sex would be involved and you didn't enjoy it or want any part of it, but had to oblige?
I'm sorry but all that means to me is that your husband and children are a victim to your experiment to fit in. You may have had issues when you were younger, but no one is forced to get married and have kids. Plenty of straight people stay single too. I only say this because you seem to have a lot of excuses for your choices and seem very consumed with your own happiness. Imagine the issues your children will have to cope with if they don't have a mother around. I give you credit for wanting to be with your children, but it seems you want your jilted husband to do all the work. It seems unfair to ask him to leave his home, and possibly the support of friends and family, so you can sleep better at night.
By the way, if this seems harsh I felt the exact same way about a family member who left her child behind and moved across country for some man. I thought it was absolutely heart breaking that she put her child in 2nd place to a relationship that ended badly anyway. Taking care of kids is not forever...people should do the responsible thing and then you can go and do whatever you want when they turn 18. I truly hope you are able to figure out what's best for all involved.
04-20-2010, 03:58 AM
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The funny thing is she's serious.
04-20-2010, 05:01 AM
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
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It is rather selfish of you to even ask a question like that! Move to Cleveland or leave him alone, you are the one who left him now stop thinking about only yourself. It is quite pathetic. If you knew you were gay and still married, it is completely selfish you would lie to him and put him through that. I wouldn't want you anywhere near my kids.
04-20-2010, 07:48 AM
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My parents got divorced and going back and forth really sucks, thank god my dad moved to the same town (AFB in town...) otherwise I'd honestly probably have to move in with him or kill myself...
04-20-2010, 03:43 PM
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Reputation: 10
Re:
OP , you say there is a lot of anger between you and your ex. It seems nothing you could say about SD would make him get over the central issue that he doesn't trust you right now. Appeal to his sense of fatherhood, he sounds like a good guy. You might just be upfront and admit that it would be more convenient for you, but that is not the main reason you want him to bring the family there. And be sure that is the truth, way deep down
.
On another note, there are have been a lot of heterocentric thoughts voiced on this thread as well as a lot of horrible assumptions made about this woman's intentions. Whether you are straight, gay, homophobic or not, resist passing judgement.
It's my personal belief that parents should set an example for your kids, which includes being honest and brave enough to leave personally toxic situations. Anyone who is lucky enough to have never faced such a personal crisis might be a bit kinder to those in more difficult situations.
04-20-2010, 08:26 PM
Location: Orange, CA
52 posts, read
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Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by
glittergirl816
KarBear06- I think that's what I'm going to try. If he comes out there and still isn't sold, I will be headed back to Cleveland to be with my kids.
Awesome,
glittergirl , once you and your ex have made your SD plans and they have been here, post back and let us know what he and the kiddos thoughts were about their trip. I would definitely try and get a Disneyland visit in while they are all here ... that is one magical place!
04-20-2010, 09:41 PM
Location: San Diego, CA
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I agree, in theory, that he should meet a new girl and get on with his life but I do object to Cleveland, the mistake on the lake, being called beautiful. Let's face reality and admit Cleveland is an international joke. It's one of those places the world is better off without. I dare say no one grows up wishing to visit Cleveland.
04-21-2010, 12:11 AM
Location: Grand Rapids
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Oerdin
I agree, in theory, that he should meet a new girl and get on with his life but I do object to Cleveland, the mistake on the lake, being called beautiful. Let's face reality and admit Cleveland is an international joke. It's one of those places the world is better off without. I dare say no one grows up wishing to visit Cleveland.
Being originally from Michigan, I have visited Cleveland several times and must say that over the years they've done a lot of work to improve it. The city itself is much cleaner and they've renovated some water front areas into hip little night life spots. Of course not nearly as nice as San Diego, but it's not nearly as bad as it once was.
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Residents speaking English at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking other language at home (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Foreign born (%)
Class of Workers - Employee of private company (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed in own incorporated business (%)
Class of Workers - Private not-for-profit wage and salary workers (%)
Class of Workers - Local government workers (%)
Class of Workers - State government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Federal government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed workers in own not incorporated business and Unpaid family workers (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - No fuel used (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - No fuel used (%)
Armed forces status - In Armed Forces (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Veteran (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Nonveteran (%)
Fatal accidents locations in years 2005-2021
Fatal accidents locations in 2005
Fatal accidents locations in 2006
Fatal accidents locations in 2007
Fatal accidents locations in 2008
Fatal accidents locations in 2009
Fatal accidents locations in 2010
Fatal accidents locations in 2011
Fatal accidents locations in 2012
Fatal accidents locations in 2013
Fatal accidents locations in 2014
Fatal accidents locations in 2015
Fatal accidents locations in 2016
Fatal accidents locations in 2017
Fatal accidents locations in 2018
Fatal accidents locations in 2019
Fatal accidents locations in 2020
Fatal accidents locations in 2021
Alcohol use - People drinking some alcohol every month (%)
Alcohol use - People not drinking at all (%)
Alcohol use - Average days/month drinking alcohol
Alcohol use - Average drinks/week
Alcohol use - Average days/year people drink much
Audiometry - Average condition of hearing (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear a whisper from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear normal voice from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - Ears ringing, roaring, buzzing (%)
Audiometry - Had a job exposure to loud noise (%)
Audiometry - Had off-work exposure to loud noise (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high blood pressure (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Checking blood pressure at home (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Frequently checking blood cholesterol (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high cholesterol level (%)
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at supermarket/grocery store
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at other stores
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on eating out
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on carryout/delivered foods
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at supermarket/grocery store (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at other stores (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on eating out (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on carryout/delivered foods (%)
Current Health Status - General health condition (%)
Current Health Status - Blood donors (%)
Current Health Status - Has blood ever tested for HIV virus (%)
Current Health Status - Left-handed people (%)
Dermatology - People using sunscreen (%)
Diabetes - Diabetics (%)
Diabetes - Had a blood test for high blood sugar (%)
Diabetes - People taking insulin (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Diet health (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Milk product consumption (# of products/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals not home prepared (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals from fast food or pizza place (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Ready-to-eat foods (#/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Frozen meals/pizza (#/month)
Drug Use - People that ever used marijuana or hashish (%)
Drug Use - Ever used hard drugs (%)
Drug Use - Ever used any form of cocaine (%)
Drug Use - Ever used heroin (%)
Drug Use - Ever used methamphetamine (%)
Health Insurance - People covered by health insurance (%)
Kidney Conditions-Urology - Avg. # of times urinating at night
Medical Conditions - People with asthma (%)
Medical Conditions - People with anemia (%)
Medical Conditions - People with psoriasis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with overweight (%)
Medical Conditions - Elderly people having difficulties in thinking or remembering (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever received blood transfusion (%)
Medical Conditions - People having trouble seeing even with glass/contacts (%)
Medical Conditions - People with arthritis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with gout (%)
Medical Conditions - People with congestive heart failure (%)
Medical Conditions - People with coronary heart disease (%)
Medical Conditions - People with angina pectoris (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had heart attack (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had stroke (%)
Medical Conditions - People with emphysema (%)
Medical Conditions - People with thyroid problem (%)
Medical Conditions - People with chronic bronchitis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with any liver condition (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had cancer or malignancy (%)
Mental Health - People who have little interest in doing things (%)
Mental Health - People feeling down, depressed, or hopeless (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (%)
Mental Health - People feeling tired or having little energy (%)
Mental Health - People with poor appetite or overeating (%)
Mental Health - People feeling bad about themself (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble concentrating on things (%)
Mental Health - People moving or speaking slowly or too fast (%)
Mental Health - People having thoughts they would be better off dead (%)
Oral Health - Average years since last visit a dentist
Oral Health - People embarrassed because of mouth (%)
Oral Health - People with gum disease (%)
Oral Health - General health of teeth and gums (%)
Oral Health - Average days a week using dental floss/device
Oral Health - Average days a week using mouthwash for dental problem
Oral Health - Average number of teeth
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to control insects (%)
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to kill weeds (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People walking or bicycling (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - Average hours a day doing sedentary activities
Physical Activity - Average hours a day watching TV or videos
Physical Activity - Average hours a day using computer
Physical Functioning - People having limitations keeping them from working (%)
Physical Functioning - People limited in amount of work they can do (%)
Physical Functioning - People that need special equipment to walk (%)
Physical Functioning - People experiencing confusion/memory problems (%)
Physical Functioning - People requiring special healthcare equipment (%)
Prescription Medications - Average number of prescription medicines taking
Preventive Aspirin Use - Adults 40+ taking low-dose aspirin (%)
Reproductive Health - Vaginal deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Cesarean deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Deliveries resulted in a live birth (%)
Reproductive Health - Pregnancies resulted in a delivery (%)
Reproductive Health - Women breastfeeding newborns (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had a hysterectomy (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had both ovaries removed (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever taken birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women taking birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used Depo-Provera or injectables (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used female hormones (%)
Sexual Behavior - People 18+ that ever had sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had anal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had any sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had anal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had any kind of sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first had sex
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female vaginal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a woman (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of woman performed oral sex on in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male anal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a man (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male oral sex partners in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - People using protection when performing oral sex (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of times people have vaginal or anal sex a year
Sexual Behavior - People having sex without condom (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male vaginal sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Circumcised males 18+ (%)
Sleep Disorders - Average hours sleeping at night
Sleep Disorders - People that has trouble sleeping (%)
Smoking-Cigarette Use - People smoking cigarettes (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with smell (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with taste (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had wisdom teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had tonsils teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a loss of consciousness because of a head injury (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a broken nose or other serious injury to face or skull (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had two or more sinus infections (%)
Weight - Average height (inches)
Weight - Average weight (pounds)
Weight - Average BMI
Weight - People that are obese (%)
Weight - People that ever were obese (%)
Weight - People trying to lose weight (%)
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