How to convince my ex-husband to move to San Diego? (August: renting, private school)

[glittergirl816]

Okay, this is a bit of a long story, but I will give an abridged version. I got divorced in December, basically because I realized that I am gay. We have two children and in the divorce I let him be deemed residential parent. I moved out to California in mid-November and I have been traveling back and forth from SD to Cleveland to see my children every month. This is extremely stressful and hard on the kids and I. I am living with my girlfriend right now and I would love it if my ex would move out to SD with the kids so we can all be together. I love my children, but I loathe Cleveland. My girlfriend is from there too and absolutely does not want to live their either. But, I need to be a mother to my kids. I'm trying to think of any way I could convince him to move to SD. He would love it there. He's a surfer type, avid hiker/nature lover. Can anyone think of an angle to approach him with that may persuade him to at least entertain the idea? Anytime I mention it, he shoots it down immediately. He is still really angry over the divorce.

Thanks in advance.

[luvSD]

You could show him this web site and convince him to at least come to check it out for a few weeks.
San Diego Travel: Attractions

But you know, he's got to get a job here to survive. Plus pulling your kids out of school (are they in school yet?) is going to be hard on them since it would take them away from their friends, neighbors and the life that they know. So you need to think of something other than yourself: would this move make your life easier or would it really be a good thing for your ex and the kids? Of course you kids would love to be with you, but making them move may not be in their best interest regardless of how beautiful SD is. Just sit back and think a bit: you're divorced because YOU discovered that you're gay, YOU choose to move to California, YOU think it is a hassle to travel back and forth, so now YOU want them to move to SD to make YOUR life easier. See a pattern here?

Don't mean to offend though. Seems like you're a loving enough person trying to make the best of what you've got.

[Snowlife]

You got divorced because you "realized {you} were gay"?! I gotta imagine your husband didn't take that well; no offense, but if I was in his position I'd probably want space from you...

Why don't you try just dropping hints about how great it is in SD, without actually saying "Hey so...I hate Cleveland, can you move yourself and our kids to the city I live in now with the woman I left you for, because it would be much more convenient"

Either way, if he has the to move, he should. San Diego is just a better place than Cleveland, its not even a debate. If hes the "surfer type" like you say, I can't imagine hes getting great surf where he is, so try mentioning how great some of the surf spots are, and how amazing the beaches are. Good luck

[ElizaTeal]

Why do you wish to continue to mislead this man, for your selfish gains? You forfeited custody of your children. Do you consider the feelings and where with all, of other people? When does it end?

All you can do is tell him and the kids, how wonderful life is in SD, and you wish they were a part of it.

[glittergirl816]

Thanks for the replies. I know that it comes off as being all about me, but there really are great reasons that the move to sd would be good for him and the kids. He has a good job in Cleveland, but he can do his job via phone and email with no problems. He works for his father and I would bet that his dad would make any exception he could to make sure my ex has a job. Also, our kids are 4 and 6 so the really don't have a lot of friends that would be missed. They have cousins that they would miss, but we can always come back to Cleveland to visit. Our 6 year old has autism and he's currently going to a private school that costs 45,000 a year. School services for autism in ohio are some of the worst. I talked to the superintendant of the school in SD and he would be receiving the same education there, for free! It's frustrating because I think his anger is clouding his judgement. Even the other parents at my son's school can't understand why he won't move, just for a better education for our son.

Oh, and no worries on me being offended. I prefer honesty.

[glittergirl816]

I didn't forfeit custody of my kids. I have 50/50 custody if I move back to Cleveland. If I'm living out of state, I have them for one week a month, the whole month of June and August, plus holidays on alternating years.

[nmnita]

ya know, this type of post and question blows my mind. You made the move, you got the divorce, etc etc and now you think he should follow you so you won't have to travel back and forth to see your kids..What does he think? Maybe he and the kids think you should have considered them when you ups and moved...?? Sorry, you get no sympathy from me. This has little to do with your sexual orientation, it has to do with who is the most important in your life? it sounds to me like you want your cake and want to eat it too. Divorce is just that, a break up of a marriage, it makes no difference why it happened. In fact I am not quite sure what the reason has to do with your question? You left him because you feel in love with someone else.

Maybe he would love San Diego, maybe he should visit, but maybe he is happy where he lives. All you can do is suggest he visit, other than that you have no right even suggesting he relocate.

Nita

[blondmom]

i feel bad for your children. glad they have a father who stuck around, taking care of a 6 year old autistic child must be very challenging on his own.

[Mt-7]

Originally Posted by glittergirl816

Thanks for the replies. I know that it comes off as being all about me, but there really are great reasons that the move to sd would be good for him and the kids. He has a good job in Cleveland, but he can do his job via phone and email with no problems. He works for his father and I would bet that his dad would make any exception he could to make sure my ex has a job. Also, our kids are 4 and 6 so the really don't have a lot of friends that would be missed. They have cousins that they would miss, but we can always come back to Cleveland to visit. Our 6 year old has autism and he's currently going to a private school that costs 45,000 a year. School services for autism in ohio are some of the worst. I talked to the superintendant of the school in SD and he would be receiving the same education there, for free! It's frustrating because I think his anger is clouding his judgement. Even the other parents at my son's school can't understand why he won't move, just for a better education for our son.

Oh, and no worries on me being offended. I prefer honesty.

I would think that he might very well be angry.
Turn it around, would you leave everything behind so it could all be for your ex?
I think that uprooting children, especially one with other issues is a disaster in the making.
Better you go back there. I always told my hubs that no matter what I would be living next door. Maybe why we stayed together all these years huh?
Do the right thing and mother your children--Full Time!

[cruitr]

This thread belongs in the 'Parenting' forum.